


Box of Conversations

by Koffinsky



Category: Coffee - Fandom, LGBT - Fandom, friendship - Fandom, lesbian - Fandom
Genre: Asexual, Coffee, Coffee Shop, Drama, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gay, Gen, Homosexuality, LGBT, Lesbian, Love, M/M, Multi, Other, Romance, friends - Freeform, life - Freeform, relationships, vinyl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-02-24 14:09:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 44,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13215405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koffinsky/pseuds/Koffinsky
Summary: Alex is living a simple life. She owns a coffee shop titled the "Box of Conversations"; has a squad of friends; lives through happy, funny moments, relationship drama, life problems. But is all of that really that simple?An original story about friendship and the struggles of life. Includes gay, lesbian, and asexual romantic relationships.





	1. Chapter 1

"So... What exactly do you mean by "special"?" I asked Richard while tending to his coffee.  
It was almost afternoon on this bright Tuesday, so there weren't much people. actually there were three with Rich included. The two were occupied with their coffee. My eyes were focused on the steamed milk as it slowly poured into the metal container. I then turned my attention back to Rich while continuing to work on his coffee. He was beaming happy, which meant only one thing - this is going to be a long talk. Tuesday's were never busy days at the "Box of Conversations", so I decided to submerge into Richard's dreamy descriptions of a guy he recently met but was already head over heels for him. Lana Del Rey was on the record player, simply because Richard picked the record himself to put on. That was one of the perks of the "Box of Conversations": we had two boxes full of records that the customers could choose from to enjoy.  
"Wellll..." Richard extended the "l" to an impossible length. "He's..." He drifted off again, his face getting more serious. "He does things to me, things I haven't really experienced in my life. Things I can't really explain."  
"Ohhh, you're screwed mate." I chuckled. "You are so in love with this dude!"  
"Oh don't laugh at me. You're in the same situation just like me. Or did you forget Emily." He smirked back. I handed him his coffee just so he would stop smirking.  
"Fine. Guess we're even then." I wiped the counter with a cloth with a couple light strokes.  
"So. Tell me everything about this guy. What's he like?" I placed my head on my hands with my elbows leaning on the freshly wiped counter.  
"Well... His name is Jeremy. He's tall, blond, and the gayest creature you'll ever meet, honey." The old Rich was starting to come back as he kept sinking in the dreaminess of his story.  
"He loves literature. We went out for sushi the other day. Talked for hours. And when we parted he said he had the best time." Rich exclaimed as he rolled his eyes towards the ceiling with a deep sigh. He was already lost, and if he were to ask me to get him out of this situation, it would be impossible.  
"Sounds like you're already married. " I gave Rich a teasing smile. "Or is that not how gay marriages work?"  
"Stop it! We're not even dating. He has no idea I have feelings for him. And I don't really wanna spill my guts just yet." Rich lightly patted my right forearm stretched on the counter while he talked. He then resorted to biting one of his nails. This procedure lasted for two seconds. He stopped while looking at me from the corner of his eyes since he had his right side turned to me.  
"What?!" He addressed me in the biggest drag queen way ever. I was stills looking at him with a gigantic smile splattered on my face. He was acting cute and I couldn't help myself.  
"Someone's in loooovveee~" I almost sang to him.  
His cheeks and ears turned rosy pink. Immediately he started getting flustered.  
"I-I am NOT in love. Well...maybe not just yet." He started being the drama queen he is.  
"Hey! Rich, listen to me. Wherever you wanna take this, I'll be there. I'll always be there to support you." I looked him in the eyes as I reassured him.  
"Thanks Alex. Really, thanks." He switched from drama queen to sincere Rich in seconds.  
"Oh. Don't mention it." I waved it off, as if it were nothing. "By the way, how about I make you another cup. Something tells me you liked this one." I gave him a warm smile, as I noticed him playing around with the empty paper cup.  
"Sure." He returned the warm gesture. "And then we're going record shopping. You've had this album for ages now. It's time to freshen up a bit."  
"I'm right behind you when it comes to vinyl." I said as I began cooking up a fresh cup of coffee for my best bud.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Alex!" Richard flew into the café beaming happy.  
"Hey Rich! You're in a good mood today." I proclaimed from the other side of the counter. "Almond latte, as always?"  
"Yeah!" He said placing his laptop bag on a nearby seat. "I'm gonna put on "Boogie Wonderland", if you don't mind."  
"Go ahead." I began working on Richard's coffee as he sped towards the record player and shuffled through the records to find Earth, Wind and Fire. Seconds later the "Box of Conversations" was filled with funky rhythms. Rich even made a funky dance while returning back to sit in front of the counter.  
"Okay, what's the reason for the happiness?" I asked placing his almond latte in front of him.  
"I got very good responses from the editors today." He answered, a wide smile painting on his face.  
"About your book? That's awesome! Congratulations!" I lightly patted his left hand placed on the counter.  
"Thanks. But it's always about me, especially lately. We never talk about you. How are you doing?" He directed the conversation towards me by establishing firm eye contact.  
"Oh, you know. The usual. The café, updating the vinyl collection. Nothing new, actually." My eye contact wasn't as firm as his.  
"How's Em? You two talk anymore?" His tone got very serious suddenly. In my head, I questioned was it because of Emily and he was genuinely worried for me, or if he was still going through a hard time dealing with Jeremy.  
"Occasionally. We message each other from time to time, but we really don't hang out as much as we used to." I answer as I feel a sense of bitterness flush over. I hate it. I hate myself for feeling this way.  
I pause for a moment. Whether to comprehend my scattered thoughts or to just shove them further away in my mind, I can't really tell which one is it. Rich is playing with his coffee cup by lightly brushing on the top of it with one finger.  
"How are you and Jeremy doing?" I finally ask.  
"Not doing." He answers with calm, a quite strange calm for a man that is basically a mid-summer storm. "We don't really fit, I guess."  
"You okay?" I ask concerned.  
"I'll survive. I have more important things to concentrate on, anyways."  
"You do realize I'm gonna be your first reader." I try to lighten up the mood. Things are getting to depressing and I never liked when Rich would get all melancholic.  
He gave me a quick, happy smile.  
"I wouldn't see it any other way." He takes a sip of his coffee.  
"Are you going to elaborate on how 'Lord of the Rings' influenced it?" I joke.  
"NO!" He answers sarcastically. "But I do know how I'm gonna shoo away the critics that give me bad ratings and then come to the book-signing."  
"Hit me!" I state excitedly.  
He clears his throat, and then it happens. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"  
We both crack up. To tears a bit, even.  
"This is hilarious!" I proclaim while wiping off a tear from the corner of my right eye.  
"I know!" He chuckles.  
Earth, Wind and Fire continue to play in the background as we pause for another moment. My mind drifts off to a vinyl that had caught my eye the other day.  
"Hey Rich, what do you say if I would get a hold of a Julia Fordham album?"  
"Thinking light jazz, are we?" He gives me a smile.  
"Yup. You know, normal café music." I answer sarcastically.  
"Normal's overrated." He answers taking another sip of his almond latte.  
"Got that right." I say and continue to pressure him for a definitive answer. "So, what do you say?"  
"Let's do it." He answers with a nod of the head.  
He pauses for a moment and looks out the window. Behind it life is in full rush. People, cars. Even the sun is rushing to complete its daily cycle.  
"I miss the days when we just used to hang out with the gang. Just enjoy food and talk, you know." He finally concludes.  
"Me too, Rich. Me too." I answer as I, too, observe the seamless stream of life on the other side of the glass.


	3. Chapter 3

"Tumblr?"  
I lifted up my head and shot Emily a warm smile as I put my phone away.  
"Finally. I already began having doubts whether you're gonna show up or not." I teased.  
"I could never bail on you. And especially, not on your coffee." she took a seat behind the counter.  
"So your basically here just for the coffee." I replied sarcastically.  
"Basically." she shot back in the same manner.  
Both of us laughed. It was great to see her again.  
"Caramel Machiatto?" I asked her turning to the coffee machine.  
"Yes. Please." she extended the "please" emphasizing just how much she had missed my coffee.  
"Coming right up." I flashed a happy smile as I began working on the coffee. "So, how are things? How's your designer career working out?" I asked her, focusing all of my attention on the coffee machine.  
"It's going great, actually. I've been working hard lately and it's really paying off." she answered in a calm tone. However, to me it felt like she was deliberately skipping some details. "How about you?"  
"Oh, you know. Same old. Trying to keep this shack in business." I smiled remembering how I had started the "Box of Conversations".  
Richard encouraged me since he always complained how he was in need of a chill place for writing, and his rusty apartment wasn't doing it for him anymore. Actually, I think he just needed an excuse to hang out with me, and this was the perfect one. Lindsey had my back, as well. She was a coffee addict, after all. The first week of work was when I met Emily. She had just started uni. Rich was chilling behind the counter that day when Em walked in. At first, she was unsure of her coffee, but as both of us had went thoroughly through the menu, she finally stuck to Caramel Machiatto. She never changed her order. We ended up chatting. As her university wasn't far away from the "Box of Conversations" she visited the café quite often. That's how we stuck to being friends.  
I placed the cup of coffee in front of Emily. "Here you go. Hope I didn't mess it up."  
"If that's even possible." she took a sip. "Nope. It is impossible. This is amazing. Thank you." she did a little bow.  
"I missed that, you know. All Richard does is complain about some tiny detail that is "off" in the coffee. I don't even remember when was the last time he said "thank you"." I blurt out.  
"Speaking of Richard, how is he?" she took another sip of her coffee.  
"Trying to write a book that's inspired by 'Lord of the Rings'." I answer looking out the window, imagining him sitting in front of his laptop and trying to get all of his fifty thousand ideas into a detailed plan.  
"That should be an interesting read." she says, her gaze stuck on the record player in the corner of the café. She stands up.  
"I'm gonna go put some music on." her gaze still firmly on the record player.  
"Sure. That's what that things is for." I tend to some dirty cups.  
She shuffles through the stack of records. Moments later, London Grammar filled the café with a sense of chill, as there was no more bare space. Instead, there was comfort.  
"Why London Grammar, though?" I ask.  
"Dunno. Just felt it, I guess." she shruggs it off.  
"Am I making an influence here? I thought I was the only person that picks music like that." I grin at her.  
"Maybe." she sits back behind the counter.  
We pause for a moment, simply staring at one another. As I'm about to say something I might regret later, she breaks the silence.  
"I gotta tell you something, Alex." she declares in a serious tone.  
"Sure, go ahead." I say, maintaining eye contact.  
She bites her lower lip as she hesitates for a moment.  
"I... I'm moving to Florence." she finally says.  
"Florence?" I ask as I try to comprehend the information that just had struck me. "As in Italy?"  
"Yeah. That Florence. I got an internship at one designer company. They had looked through some of my sketches and accepted me."  
"That's...great." I say trying my best to sound happy. I force this smile that is probably creepy as hell, but since I can't see it, it persists on my face. "When are you leaving?"  
"In two weeks." She looks away, avoiding to meet my eyes. "It's just...everything happened so fast-"  
"Why are you apologizing? You should do what's best for you." I reassure her. "I'll survive." I shrug it off sarcastically.  
"You sure?" she asks teasingly.  
"I'll cry for two months, sure. Nah, I'm just kidding." I smile. "I'm too busy with this place, anyway. It'll be easy to forget you."  
"Oh, thanks a lot." she lightly punches me in the arm.  
We continue to chat about future plans for a couple more hours, until she has to leave. I walk her out the door with my gaze, and this feeling of brokenness arises inside of me. It fluds my thoughts with both nostalgia and sadness. "Hey Now" drives my mind into the evening.

***************************************************************************************************

 

Chapter 3.1

"So..."  
I was suddenly pulled out of my day dream as Richard began in his usual manner, "What about Emily?"  
"What about her?" I was trying to be blunt as possible.  
It was one of those days where there weren't many customers at the "Box of Conversations". Daughter was on the record player, filling the barely empty café with "Winter's" vibes, a song too familiar to me, as well as the topic that Rich was about to touch. Saying that I had cried out to that tune while thinking about a certain someone is mentioning a tiny crumb of the story.  
"Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about, Alex." Rich was getting serious about this, and I didn't like it. "I had spilled my shit over Jeremy. Don't tell me it's nothing. Because I, of all people, know that's anything beyond nothing."  
He looked me so intensely in the eye while he spoke, I felt shivers go down my back. But they weren't just because of Rich. It was because of her, too. It was because memories had started to flood my thoughts. I was losing control, and I hated it.  
"What do you want me to say, Rich?" I asked him while staring into his eyes, as if I might find answers there.  
"I want you to admit your feelings. Properly, not just throwing pieces of lost conversations. I want you to admit that you actually love her."  
"I can't give you that." I said, my voice shaky as I was on the verge of tears.  
"Why?" He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.  
"Because I don't know if it's love. And you know me - I do NOT jump to conclusions." I put it out there.  
I take a deep breath.  
"I don't know what love is anymore." I finally say.


	4. Chapter 4

"You wanted to talk?" Lindsey addressed me after taking a sip of her coffee.  
"Not really. What made you think that?" I answered as I continued to interact with the coffee machine.  
"For starters, you were the one that invited me. So..." She trailed off taking another sip of her coffee, her eyes glued on to me tracking my every move.  
"Maybe I just wanted to hang out. I haven't seen you in ages." I continued to be occupied with the coffee machine.  
"By ages you mean two weeks." She flashed a sarcastic smile at me.  
Lindsey shuffled a bit in her seat on the other side of the counter and positioned her head on her left arm.  
"This seems familiar." She flashed another smile. That smile. The smile that said: shit's about to go down. I was very well aware to what familiarity she referred to. There was no choice but to surrender.  
"Is it that obvious?" I asked finally making proper eye contact with my best friend.  
"Duh. You've been fidgety and all over the room for the past fifteen minutes, and for you that is a lot." She concluded taking another sip of her coffee. "Now spill! What's going on in that head of your's?"  
"Before I get into that, I must ask you a question." I addressed her leaning on the counter.  
"Go ahead." She said in a laid-back manner.  
"Did Richard throw at you any hints about any issues that I might have?"  
"Uhm... No." She answered with the same smile as before. I hit a bullseye with that question and shit was about to go down real fast from this point on. I was not very happy about that, however. "But now I'm curious to what exactly this ISSUE is."  
"It's not really that big of a-" I was unable to finish as she interrupted me in mid-sentence.  
"Oh no no. You are NOT getting away so easily." Lindsey stuck to the point. "Go on, spill!" She insisted.  
I stared at her for a moment dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say, how to vocalize my feelings for Emily.  
"I-I..." I was digging through my mind to reach something that maybe, just maybe, would save this situation and I could divert this conversation to a completely different topic. No use.  
"Go on! Tell your favorite psychologist friend what's the problem." She kept on nagging. It was time to tell her the truth. There was no way back, and she was one of my best friends, after all.  
"I like Emily. More than just a friend. And lately, the feelings have been consuming me to the point where I'm almost suffocating from them. I didn't know what to do. So I told Rich. He had went through similar shit with Jeremy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I don't know why I did that. Whether that you were more familiar with Em than Rich, or that we had gotten so close, I hesitated to tell you."  
Lindsey stared at me with wide eyes in silence. Then, suddenly she jumped up a bit as if waking up from a daydream. She glanced at her coffee cup and then out the window. Life was busy on the other side of the glass, and it reminded me when Rich flew in beaming happy two months ago. Life was just as busy back then as it was now.  
"Why do I feel like you're sorry for me." I finally broke off the silence.  
"I'm not. I would never be. You're a strong cookie and we all know it." She addressed me while maintaining strong eye contact for emphasis of the statement. "It's just... You're hurting and I hate that. You're too awesome to be in pain. You own a goddamn café for crying out loud." Lindsey waved her arms in the air to emphasize the fact.  
"You know, through most of my life, I felt like that pain has become a part of me that actually makes me ME. If I lose it, I lose a part of myself." I declared leaning on the counter with my arms crossed on my chest.  
"Knowing what you reblog on Tumblr, I can't argue with that." She stated taking a sip of her coffee. "Guess you're just gonna have to visit me in my brand new office for therapy sessions." She snickered while taking another sip of the coffee.  
"You tiny moron!" I shot back hitting her arm lightly with my elbow.  
Then I paused for a moment. The first part of the statement had reached me.  
"Wait. What do you mean "brand new office"?" I asked her with narrowed eyes.  
"It moved closer to the city center?" She declared in the same tone as my "question tone". "I'll be closer to you now, AND I will come over often for a coffee break. This is the part where you get excited."  
"Excited?! Are you kidding me? I'm ecstatic!" I proclaimed. "When do you settle in?"  
"In somewhere around three weeks. They're still doing some finishing touches. And then it's going to be fabulous!" Lindsey basically chirped the last word.  
"In that case, I will come and visit more often." I stated with a happy smile.  
"Coffee in exchange for service?" She asked sarcastically.  
"Sure." I answered in the same tone.  
I looked out the window once again. Life was still busy on the other side of the glass as bright rays of orange pierced the cafe's interior illuminating tiny particles of dust. It was rushing. But for us time had stopped, as we lived in this particular moment.


	5. Chapter 5

"Sooo... How's Florence going for you?" I asked Emily. We were finally catching up through Skype. She shot me a smile.  
"Pretty cool. I haven't really gotten into the whole work thing just yet. But that only gives me more time for sightseeing. And believe me, Florence is pretty breathtaking."  
"Good to know." I smile back, wondering if she notices it being forced. I have been missing her like hell for the past two weeks. "Wouldn't want you to come back to this bore-hole."  
"Are you kidding me?! Of course I miss you guys!" She exclaimed. "I also miss the "Box of Conversations". There's no one coffee shop here that can compare to the coffee you make."  
"So, you guess the coffee tastes-" I was cut off. Em finished the sentence for me.  
"-like piss. Yep. Exactly." She let out a light chuckle.  
"I think Jess has finally gotten to us. Both of us." I smile, genuinely this time.  
"For sure." She leaned her head on her left arm. Suddenly, her face got very serious in an instance.  
"I'm sorry that I left you guys like that." She started apologizing.  
"God, would you stop with that. It's your life, it's only fair for you live it the way you want it and to make the decisions that are best for you. Besides, it's not like you're not talking to us or anything. We still communicate. Everything's fine."  
"Still..." She drifted off. "I'm sure I'm missing out on the fun you guys are having."  
"Did you NOT hear me call it a bore-hole like two minutes ago?" I shot sarcastically. "Literally nothing exciting happens here. So you can take a chill pill on the missing part. Trust me, if something happens you'll be the first one to know." I gave her a reassuring wink.  
"Thanks. Appreciate it." She shot a smile, but she was the one faking it now. The seriousness behind it was pushing through.  
"I still feel like there was supposed to be more for me back with you guys. More moments, more memories..." She drifted off again.  
Her gaze fell to the ground, a sarcastic chuckle escaping her mouth. "Maybe I'm being too selfish." She slid a strand of hair from her face behind her ear, and took a pause.  
It was hard to breathe. Every inhale made my chest and stomach in knots. It felt as if my heart was about to explode. But I knew one thing: It was now or never.  
"I hope the weather is as good back at yours as it is here-" Her thought was left unfinished as I interrupted it.  
"I'm in love with you." I spat out staring straight into the webcam.  
Emily froze. She stared at her computer screen without moving, barely breathing even. We paused like that for a whole minute until it became unbearable for me.  
"Say something." I said softly.  
"What do you expect me to say?" She asked, also in a very calm tone, a "calm before the storm" tone I would say. At least that was what I anticipated.  
"I don't expect anything. I don't want you to react in some way-" I was interrupted.  
"Alex! You just told me you're in love with me! How am I not supposed to react-"  
"That's the thing! You're not. They're not your feelings, they're mine. It's just... Every day of hiding them felt like lying to you. I didn't tell you I'm in love with you so that we would somehow end up together. No. I told you because being honest is a priority for me when it comes to friendship. I told you because I'm being fair to both of us."  
I let out a heavy sigh after this "speech". Em was still frozen, her lips slightly parted as if she was about to say something. She remained silent.  
"If you don't ever want to talk to me, I understand. I'll respect your decision no matter what." I concluded in a collected tone.  
"I..." She began but drifted off. "I think I need some time." She was afraid to meet my eyes, her gaze glued to the floor.  
"Sure."  
She took another pause. Then, a heavy breath.  
"How about we talk on the 28th? It'll be after Jordan's birthday. I'll want to hear all about it." She managed a small smile.  
"I'll be looking forward to that." I smiled back.  
"Me too." She said and signed off.  
I sat in front off my laptop for another minute smiling to myself. It was the happiest day of my life.


	6. Chapter 6

A nice early fall evening. The setting sun was pouring through the large windows of the "Box of Conversations". It was a quiet Monday, one of the two days that were actually off. However, I needed to do some restocking, so I was "stuck" in the café for some time. There was much stuff to do, and since I didn't want to be alone, I dragged Lyndsey and Jordan with me. Emily was in Florence enjoying the Italian sunshine, Lillian busy with Uni work, and we hadn't heard from Jess in awhile after she settled in in the Netherlands for a teaching internship. As for Richard, we kinda drifted apart. He got extremely consumed by his writing and book. I spent most of my time at the café. He did try to shoot a couple of remarks to my side, how I've been ignoring him and so on, but at that moment I had too much stuff on my hands to really dwell on it. In the end, we just ended up going our own ways. Lyndsey had asked me a couple of times about him, but I never really elaborated on it much. Simply because there was nothing to elaborate on. It was just life.  
"People come and go, Alex. That's just how life goes." Lyndsey mentioned to me when I said I was contemplating on telling Em how I felt about her. Eventually, she pulled me through with her advice and support.  
"So..." Jordan drifted off. "According to my calculations, we should have enough stock till Christmas, for sure."  
We were chilling at one of the tables with coffee, snacks, and Foster The People spinning on the record player.  
"If this Christmas will be just as a tough cookie as was last year, we might run in with some shortage." She continued. She finished speaking and placed the pen on the small notebook we used for business that was laying right next to the black calculator with bulky keys. Her eyes lifted up from the notes to mine.  
"Then we'll just call Dave. But let's recheck in the end of November. Don't wanna have last year's trouble haunting us again." I concluded.  
"Got that right." Jordan chuckled sarcastically.  
My gaze drifted towards the window, towards the setting sun to be exact. I let out a heavy sigh and lifted my cup of coffee up to my mouth as I took a light sip. The memory of drinking coffee with Jordan and Lillian after work when Lillian was still working at the "Box of Conversations" passed my mind. I was a slow drinker compared to those two, and both of them would remark how was it even possible to drink coffee so slow. Jordan was a bit easier on the comments, when Lillian would comment every single sip of mine when she was already done with hers.  
The nostalgia started creeping in, and I ended up smiling to myself. Lyndsey was the one to notice it.  
"Hey, Alex. You dreaming about Em in there?" She asked teasingly.  
"Nope, actually." I answered, the smile not fading away. "Just thinking how lucky and happy I am to have friends like you guys. Considering all the shit I had to go through in my life, and all the turds that still happen once in awhile, life is pretty dang awesome."  
"Didn't hear you use "dang" in awhile. This must be some feeling you got there." Lyndsey smiled. Jordan gave a light chuckle.  
"Chairs to that." Jordan lifted up her coffee cup while motioning with her head to a nearby chair.  
"You just had to continue Lillian's legacy, didn't you?" I chuckled at Jordan.  
"Of course. Cheers to that as well."  
All three of us stroke our cups in cheers.  
"Cheers to us, guys!" I toasted.  
"Cheers!" Both of them toasted back.  
We ended up spending a couple of hours just chilling at the "Box of Conversations". Despite all of the things that had happened, I was happy. I was happy how my life was progressing. Simply because it was moving forward for the better.


	7. Chapter 7

Em didn't call. Wasn't even online that day. I sat up till almost late night, waiting, until I finally gave up. What was I expecting, anyways? We hadn't talked for a month.  
You'd probably think I should have been mad or angry or lost. I was neither. A bit confused, yeah. But actually, at that point, it didn't matter anymore. I had given up on bullshit.  
After shutting off all the lights in my apartment and closing the door behind me with a reassuring click of the key in the lock I went out for pizza. The pizza place was only a few blocks away and was easily reachable by foot. I loved to walk, especially since it was quite a pleasant evening. As expected, the place was packed with hipsters.  
I was chilling in the back, waiting for my order, when I noticed Jess in the far corner talking to some guys. Of course, I had to say "hi". So, I slowly approached her and tapped her on the shoulder. She quickly turned around to face me, a smile spread across her face when she met my eyes.  
"Alex! Looking for a late night snack?" She remarked.  
"As a matter of fact, I am." I smiled back. "Could say the same for you."  
"Oh, you know, we were chilling at Todd's with the guys. Then he remembered he didn't have any food. And since this place is almost basically downstairs from his... You know."  
"Gotcha." I nodded.  
We paused for a minute. Jess was the one to break the silence.  
"You okay, Alex? You look a bit...tense." She asked with a concerned look.  
"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess." I answered with a shrug.  
"Is it Em?" She asks with a face as if she stepped into poop.  
"How do you know?" I freak out a bit from the accuracy of her statement. "Are you some kind of psychic or something?"  
"No." Jess laughs. "Call it an observation. I mean, you were quite close, with her coming to the cafe and stuff. Separation takes time to get over." She says with a motion to Josh to grab their pizza.  
"I thought we were close. Guess, I was wrong." I state, concern painting itself on my face.  
"Whatever it is you're dealing with, don't let it get to your head too much." She lightly pats my shoulder. "Anyways, gotta run, food's waiting." She starts to head for the door, passing me.  
I smile to myself, taking in her previous words. Then, sharply turn around.  
"How about you come visit the cafe sometime. You still have to tell me about your adventures in the Netherlands." I shout out to her.  
"Will do." She promises with a wave of her hand "goodbye".  
I'm left waiting for my pizza. I decide to text Jordan. A few minutes later, I get a reply that she's all in on girls night at her place. I smile at the message as I hear my order.  
After grabbing the pizza I head towards Jordan's place. She's renting a place a few blocks away, something that's left from her Uni days.  
I knock on the door and am greeted by Jordan in pajamas.  
"Hey! Come on in." She greets me with a smile.  
I step inside and begin to take off my jacket and my shoes after she takes the pizza of my hands.  
"So," she begins. "Something tells me shit happened that you need a large pizza and a friend right now." She proclaims.  
"Not shit, really." I answer as I take off my other shoe. "Just Em."  
"Got it." She says with a nod. "I'll go grab the booze, then."  
"Booze? You don't drink!" I remark with a laugh.  
"Good to know YOU'RE still sober and not fucked up with negative thoughts so much that you don't function anymore."  
She puts her hand on my shoulder.  
"I have pie in the fridge." She says calmly staring me in the eye.  
"Dude." I answer just as calmly. "Do your barista magic."  
"Yeeesssss." She uses her excited "yes" and heads towards the kitchen. I follow her.   
"By the way, dude, what would you say to dinner at my place on Saturday?" I ask her.  
"Ameeeezing." She uses her excited "amazing" now. "But tell me you're cooking."  
"I will be if you'll show up." I answer with a smirk. "Might even get some of the squad to join us."  
"Oh yeesss." She continues to tinker with the coffee machine.  
We pause for a moment. I open up the pizza box and grab a slice.  
Suddenly, Jordan turns sharply to me with a "I got the best idea ever" grin.  
"You know who we need to invite for sure?" She asks smiling devilishly.  
"Wait!" I say feeling the giggles coming to me. "On three, two, one!"  
"Lillian!"  
"Lillian."  
Both of us erupt in laughter.  
"God, you're still so mean. You just want her there so you can tease her." I say wiping tears from my eyes.  
"Not true." Jordan remarks. "Well, at least not entirely."  
She hands me a cup of coffee. We grab the pizza and head towards the living room. Jordan, then, continues.  
"When was the last time you saw her?"  
"Um... Like a "never" ago." I answer with a chuckle.  
"Exactly. With all of her university work she forgot we exist." Jordan takes a sip of her coffee.  
"You know we have to put on "Careless Whisper" just for her." I say with a grin.  
That song has become the ultimate meme since we worked together. I had gotten a George Michael vinyl a long time ago and had completely forgotten about it. Jordan dug it up one day when we were finishing up on work and decided to put it on. When she found out that it had "Careless Whisper" on it, and knowing how Jordan loved to annoy Lillian, I mean, show off her affection, she just had to call up Lillian from the storage room shouting "I JUST FOUND THE PERFECT SONG FOR YOU". And when the needle of the record player finally hit that groove... I almost hit my head on the counter when I fell on the floor, suffocating from laughter. Jordan had been wiping away tears for the whole evening. And Lillian? Lillian just said "Oh Jesus!" and kept on smiling the whole time. It was a long day for all of us that time, and that moment was the perfect breather we needed. After that, Jordan made sure to play that record, and especially that song, as many times as she could.  
"Of course. Chairs to that." We toast with coffee.  
Jordan zones out for a second. Then, with a nostalgic smile on her face continues.  
"Man, I've missed her."  
"Yeah, I've missed her, too." I take a sip of my coffee. "We have a lot to catch up with. All of us."  
"We sure do." Jordan concludes.


	8. Chapter 8

Lillian was the type of girl guys easily fell for. Tall, gorgeous, with the figure of a Victoria's Secret model, and eyes like the sea at spring. Apart from looks, the girl had ambition. That was the main reason why I had hired her to work at the "Box of Conversations" two years ago. She did her work well, and demonstrated the initiative to build relationships with the rest of the staff.  
Aside from Jordan, I had couple more people working at the cafe. Danny usually took evening shifts on the weekends. Becky did mornings on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Danny and Becky were the first employees at the "Box of Conversations". Few months later, Jordan came on board. She was still in Uni back at the time, therefore, working weekends was her thing. Kelly joined in several weeks later, working Wednesdays and Thursdays. This was the crew three years ago, when the "Box of Conversations" was just getting recognition.   
Time flew by. Some left, some stayed. Jordan became my right hand. Her economics skills came in handy in the cafe, and since she needed some extra cash and I needed someone to take care of the accounting in the cafe that I could trust, Jordan decided to stay after graduating Uni. Kelly and Becky took off after about a year of work, Danny stayed up a little longer.  
The "Box of Conversations" was halfway into its second year of existence, when Lillian showed up that early June afternoon. She was still in school, going on to senior year that September. That day I had doubts about hiring her, not really knowing what to make of her application that she had left that afternoon. But we were low on staff, so I didn't really had the expense of being picky. If she doesn't have certain skills required, she'll pick them up anyways as she starts working, I had thought to myself.  
First day of work proved me right for hiring Lillian. Head first, she dived into work immediately, and with a little assistance found her way around pretty quick. In fact, I didn't do much that day. Danny was drooling all over her from the start, so he was more than happy to help out. It was only when the day was done that Lillian caught me chilling behind the counter sipping on some coffee. We were the only ones left, Danny and Jordan had already scattered.  
"Hey!" Lillian pulled me out of my daydream.  
With her own cup of coffee, she took a seat in front of me.  
"Hey! The day's been pretty hectic, didn't even get to talk to you properly." I proclaim with a smile. "You setting up all good?"  
"Yeah. Danny? I think that's his name. He's been showing me around all day." She answered taking a sip of the coffee.  
"I believe Danny is very fond of you." I smile.  
"Seems so." Lillian chuckles. "I just hope he doesn't get too attached. I'm not planning on staying long."  
"Too bad. I really liked your ambitious approach towards today. Would be a shame to lose such a great employee." I take a sip of my own coffee.  
"Really? You analyzed my work ethic in one day without even talking to me?" She gives me a surprised look.  
"It's not the words, but the actions that speak to me. You take work seriously and I appreciate that. And you took the initiative to stay and talk to me, when you could have been long gone, just like the others." I explained.  
"Well, I got intrigued by your incredibly calm manner of sitting. How can you just sit so calmly and drink coffee so slowly?"  
"Years of practice." I answer with a smirk taking another sip of the coffee. "And university. You'll see."  
Lillian smiles at the answer, chugging down what's left of her coffee. We pause for a minute. Faint echoes of Ariana Grande's "Dangerous Woman" album fill the empty cafe.  
Lillian looks out the window, then sharply turns to me.  
"Can I ask you a question?" She addresses me with strong eye contact.  
"Sure."  
"How did you end up opening a cafe?"  
"Ah. The most popular question that I get. The truth is, I don't know actually, it just happened, to be honest. I always wanted to own a place where people could chill. Most of my friends are coffee addicts, some of those friends supported my vinyl addiction. So, when I said that I had this idea of opening a cafe that would have vinyl, all of them were very supportive. I'm sure all of them also loved the idea of having the ultimate chill place. Actually, you'll see them around. Especially, Lyndsey, since she works near by. Did I answer your question?"  
"You did. Thank you." She smiles. "Is there anything else I should know?"  
"When somebody starts asking for discounts or even free coffee and begins mentioning my name or any relation to me, don't believe them. And especially, don't give them free coffee." I remark.  
"I'm guessing those are your friends?" She says with a grin.  
"And you have no idea how much they love doing that. In the mean time, leave them for me or Jordan. As you'll get used to them, you'll know the drill."  
"Seems fair."  
We pause for another moment. I notice Lillian glancing at my rainbow bracelet hanging on my left wrist.  
"You're not homophobic, are you? 'Cause that ain't gonna work out pretty well, considering some of the crowd that tends to gather here." I remark.  
"No. It's just, I hadn't really properly talked with a gay person before."  
"Who told you I was gay?!" I act shocked.  
"Was that a joke?" She asks sarcastically.  
"No, I was dead serious." I answer with a grin. "You're gonna have to get used to my horrible sense of humor."  
"I'm sure I'll get there." She answers.  
"Experience proves your theory right. Jordan has gotten extremely good at it." I proclaim  
Soon enough, the day was done. I locked the door of the "Box of Conversations" and headed home on my faithful penny board with my head full of consuming thoughts.  
That day I took note of Lillian's ambition. Suddenly, Lillian became much more than just looks to me. She was irresistibly beautiful, more personality wise than exterior.  
And now she was sitting in front of the counter, staring at me with a friendly smile spread across her lips. She was dressed to the nines, as always, a white tee under a black leather jacket, light blue jeans complemented by white Converses. Golden blonde hair down, her dreamy gaze persisted to pierce my heart as we finally surpassed awkward greetings.  
"So how's Uni?" I asked leaning against the counter, letting myself drown in the light green illuminated by the half-dim lights.  
It's a busy Friday evening. The "Box of Conversations" is packed with people. Chatter of various pitches filled the café with life, while sounds of dishes added vibrance to the picture. Charlie Puth's "Nine Track Mind" was on the record player.  
Despite the large amount of customers, the counter was free, with only me behind it. There were too many people for new customers, and the "Box of Conversations" wasn't very popular with take out, since most of the customers would come more for the vinyl than the coffee. "Does It Feel" lightly flew through the stuffed Friday evening air, faintly reaching my ear.  
"Not as easy breezy. But since I was done with exams, I had a whole summer to catch up on the fun."  
She paused for a moment, then continued.  
"Continuing with you. I'm not going anywhere until you spill what's been going around here." She gave me one of her signature narrow-eyed smirks.  
"I'm still in business, as you can see. Vinyl and coffee in stock." I gave a precise answer.  
Lillian gave me a friendly smile, then took a sip of her coffee. A pause ran between us that got filled with background chatter and noise. I felt my heart beat in my head. I tried to avert my eyes, look out the window, turn to that safe space that I used for daydreaming, but it was too late. I had drowned in her pools of green. If only she had known what those eyes did to me. What SHE did to me.  
I didn't even notice how I froze, ended up staring. The way I wanted to stare at her when she worked at the "Box of Conversations" two years ago. Back then I would turn away almost every time her eyes would meet mine. Back then I was lost in my feelings. Back then I hated myself.  
"Are we going to talk about the fact that we hadn't seen each other in over a year?" I finally asked the question that had been floating around for the past twenty minutes.  
"No. Did that change anything between us, that we need to address it?" She took another sip of her coffee.  
I didn't say anything, at first. A simple chuckle was all that left my body and drifted away with the rest of the sounds.  
"Nothing changed, Lillian. Not a thing." I answered finally, a nostalgic smile on my face.  
"I've noticed." She continued in her soft tone. "You still look at me like I'm the only one in the room."  
Her answer struck me like lightning. Guess, I would turn away when it was already too late.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but I could not make out a sound, not to mention a word. I felt as if my chest was about to be crushed.  
Lillian's calmness was surprising to me, frightening even. Steadily, she downed what was left of her coffee.  
"It wasn't hard to notice, Alex. You had the same look on your face as Danny when I was around. And you said it yourself, he was all over me." Every single word strikes me like a bullet to the head, sending bittersweetness into my bloodstream.  
"I..." It's still hard, painful almost to speak. Somehow, I manage to compose what was left of my courage. I swallow hard. "Would you mind if I took a shot right now?"  
Before she could give me a definite answer, I down a shot of espresso. Lillian's face lights up in amusement.  
"I already thought you're gonna whip out a bottle of vodka from under the counter." She says with a laugh.  
"You worked here for an entire summer. You know there's no vodka under the counter!" I answer laughing.  
"That was two years ago." She remarks.  
"What part of "nothing's changed" did you miss?" I ask sarcastically.  
"Fine! I got it. No alcohol under the counter. Jesus!" She flops her arms on the counter in exaggerated frustration.  
"By the way, would you be up for dinner at my place tomorrow night? Jordan and Lindsey will be there." I ask while leaning on the counter with my left arm.  
"Sure." She smirks. "What time?"  
"Six."  
"Great."  
She pauses for another moment.  
"Oh! And tell Jordan if she plays "Careless Whisper" in my face, I'm gonna kill her." She says sarcastically.  
"It'll probably gonna be me doing the playing." I say with a smile, but in a serious tone.  
There's summer rain pouring behind the windows of the cafe, with people rushing for cover. Raindrops leaving traces on the glass, echo as they come in contact with the solid barrier. Faint pieces of thunder approach in large, but slow steps. The sky flashes with small outbursts of lightning. It's a fleeting storm, something so common to summer that it's barely noticed.


	9. Chapter 9

5:30 PM. Glades is still jamming through the speakers, helping me get into the evening's mood, while I get busy with the laying out of dishes on the living room table. I've got this dark red table cloth laid out, which perfectly matches the green walls of the apartment, but it kinda makes me nervous. Whether it's because it looks like something from a date dinner in an expensive restaurant, or that the "talk" with Lillian yesterday still haunts me.  
I'm actually kinda glad the cat's finally out of the bag, yet the awkwardness persists to cloud my mind. Some would say that I should have just talked it out with Lillian last night, instead of diverting the focus towards the dinner. Maybe. But I'm a coward. And I was caught off guard.  
Thoughts of my confessions to Em run through my head as light shivers run down my spine with a sense of bitterness. Somehow having another girl run from me for the hills didn't seem very appealing to me at the moment. So I decided to keep it steady. Lillian wasn't freaking out, at least not yet. So I'm not gonna pop the bubble just yet, either.  
As I place the last piece of cutlery on the table, I turn towards the record player to shuffle through the stack of vinyl hidden inside the cabinet under the player. After some picking I settle with Leon Bridges' "Coming Home" album. I had heard the guy in a collab with Odesza on one of their tracks, but didn't make much of him at the time. Several weeks later I got a recommendation from Jordan, turning out to be Bridges.  
Now Leon's voice is filling the apartment with sounds of Jazz with a kinda sixties vibe to it, perfect for a Saturday evening dinner.   
Lillian pops in ten minutes early. She's all dolled up, which kinda makes me think if all of her clothes are luxurious and expensive. In addition, she overdid it with the perfume, the sweetness of it gradually numbing my sense of smell. The greetings, consisting of casual "heys", pass without too much excessive awkwardness, but a hint of it does precede.  
She makes her way into the living room, taking a seat that's closer to the record player. She mingles with her phone, as I bring in a few plates of snacks while we wait for Lyndsey and Jordan to join us. We basically don't talk the whole time. Lillian keeps on scrolling through her phone, while I nibble on some grapes.  
Suddenly, she turns off her phone, places it next to her on the table, and turns to me, leaning her head on her left arm.  
"So I don't get even a "Careless Whisper" greeting anymore?" She says with one of her narrow-eyed smirks.  
"Wasn't that more Jordan's department than mine?" I say with a smile. I'm trying my best to hide the discomfort from that question. I sense that she's messing with my head, and might continue doing so the whole evening. In the midst of all of the feelings and emotions that cloud my head at the moment, one very clear thought makes its way to my attention: what is Lillian trying to achieve with that kind of behavior?  
"I don't know." She reaches for the grapes, as well. She's on the other side of the table, but if otherwise, our fingers might have grazed together. "You kinda mentioned it yesterday."  
"Why do you believe everything I say or mention?" I cross my arms, but my smile does not fade.  
"Because you never lied or broke your promises." Lillian concludes in a calm manner.  
She looks straight into my eyes, her gaze persistent and confident as ever. I begin to think, if she's truly deeply analyzing me, but am awoken from my stream of thought by the ring of the doorbell.  
I open the door to find both Jordan and Lyndsey. They pop into the hallway all excited, only to tone it down when both of them notice Lillian sitting at the living room table with her phone in her hands.  
"Well what do you know, she actually showed up." Jordan proclaims in a shushed tone.  
"Yeah..." Lyndsey says in a sort of disbelieving manner.  
"Yeah." I conclude. "How about I get these of your hands." I say as I grab the pie off of Jordan and the wine bottle from Lyndsey's hands. "Make yourself comfortable."  
I take the pie to the kitchen and place it on the counter near the sink. I grab a bottle opener from the drawer bellow and head back into the living room, where I find everyone lightly chatting and chilling at the table.  
"Lyndsey, I'm gonna leave this to you." I say as I hand her the wine bottle and the opener. "You're way better at this than I am."  
"Sure thing." Lyndsey takes the items off my hands.  
"You need any help, Alex?" Jordan asks turning to me from her chair.  
"Sure. You can help me out with the wine glasses."  
Me and Jordan head into the kitchen.  
"There are some glasses in that cupboard right above the sink." I motion to the piece of furniture.  
I, on the other hand, grab a kitchen mitten and pull out a baking tray with the main course out of the oven.  
Jordan glances at the pieces of nicely baked chicken on the tray and raises her eyebrows.  
"Woah dude, that looks fancy as fuck."  
"Trust me, it is. Or at least, is supposed to be. Let's just hope it turned out that way." I say as I stare at my culinary "masterpiece". "If ya can, grab that wooden tray for this bad boy."  
"Yeah." Jordan grabs the tray and we head out into the living room, finding Lyndsey and Lillian in a deep conversation about wine.  
"I personally prefer Chardonnay, since I like white wine better." Lillian proclaims.  
"I'm not a big fan of white wines. Chad tends to pick white, that's when I end up drinking it mostly. I usually go for Merlot, 'cause it's like the easiest choice." Lyndsey finalizes. "He also chose this one, so if it's shitty, don't blame me." She says with a smile.  
"I see you got the wine ready." I say placing the baking tray on the wooden tray.  
"Yeah. And we got into a chat about wines." Lillian answers.  
"Lillian's been educating me on wines, since I'm a noob at them." Lyndsey smiles. "And that looks amazing." She points at the main course. "Whatever that is."  
"Oven-cooked chicken breast with a surprise inside. Actually, it's just mozzarella." I conclude.  
"Well, it looks great." Lyndsey gives me a double thumbs up.  
"Hope it tastes just as good." Lillian adds.  
"Yeah." I sigh. "Well, one way to find out."  
We all dig in. To Lyndsey's relief, the wine is actually good, even though it's red and Chad was the one picking it out. To my relief, the chicken is not just edible - it's delicious. To everyone's relief, I prepared a lot of veggies, so that everyone can pick out whatever they want with their meat.  
We eat in quiet, first. Whether it's because the dish is so good, or that everyone was smart enough to come hungry as wolves. The smooth flow of Leon Bridges's jazz vibes are complemented by the sounds of chewing, sipping, and cutlery colliding with ceramic. Only when all of us are done eating, does the conversation start to flow. But not at first.  
Lyndsey's the first one to finish. She sips on what's left of her wine, as she addresses Lillian, who's nibbling on some red bell pepper.  
"So Lillian, we haven't seen you in a while. What have you been up to?"  
"Not much, mostly university stuff." Lillian finishes eating and reaches for her glass of wine. "Though, my roommate scored a summer job in France, so I got to visit her there for a month."  
"Really? Cool! What city?" Lyndsey reaches for the bottle to pour in some more wine. She goes around the table, adding a bit to everyone's glass, until the bottle is empty.  
"Toulouse." Lillian takes a sip of her share. "She got into this fancy coffee shop. The pay's really good, so she ain't complaining."  
"Why do I get the feeling you kinda made an influence there?" Jordan says with a sly smile.  
"Probably, since I couldn't shut up about the good old times at the "Box"." Lillian smiles.  
"You know, you're always welcome back." I say with a sip from my own glass.  
"Yeah." She pauses for a moment. "Maybe I will next summer." She shoots me a glance, but it's different than before. There are hints of nostalgia in her eyes.  
"Yeah, you should totally come back." Jordan says enthused. "I've had enough of trying to mess around with Alex, but, apparently, she's unbreakable."  
"Jordan, if I were that easy to break and annoy, would I had started a coffee shop? Think about it." I chuckle.  
"I got your point, dude." She jams a grape into her mouth.  
"I'm gonna get the pie." I start getting up.  
"I'm gonna help out with the coffee." Lyndsey gets up, as well, grabbing the empty wine bottle.  
We head out into the kitchen, leaving Lillian and Jordan to mingle together.  
"She's very calm." Lyndsey says.  
I swallow a lump, remembering Lillian's calmness from yesterday. To my regret, or not, Lyndsey notices my uneasiness.  
"And there's something you know about it." She says with a teasing smile. "Something happened between you two."  
"You could say that." I say without meeting her eyes.  
"About time. All of those stare fests you threw at her were really painful to watch from afar." She grabs the coffee jar and boiling teapot.  
"Then I'm going to disappoint you. 'Cause nothing of that sort happened. Lillian just proved to me, that she's smarter than what she might seem at first sight."  
"And you got to this only now?" Lyndsey raises her eyebrows at me. "Boy, were you in deep shit with her then." She sarcastically chuckles. "As much as I would like to push all of the details out of you, I'm not gonna. I'll let you be your own judge on coming clean about that."  
"Thanks." I give her a friendly smile, grab the cups and pie, and we go back to the living room.  
Jordan's shuffling through my vinyl collection, and Lillian's sitting all giggly. The sight throws me off a bit, and I ask for clearance from the two.  
"Jordan's looking for "Careless Whisper"." Lillian answers still lightly laughing.  
"But I can't find it." Jordan says frustrated.  
"Because you're looking for George Michael, aren't you?" I address her with a smile.  
"Yeah? Ain't he the singer?" Now she looks confused.  
"He is. But that's the single version I keep at the "Box". Look for Wham! "The Final" here."   
"You have a Wham! album?" Jordan asks excitedly.  
"Yeah. Dude, it's a classic. Of course, I have it." I lightly slap her on her arm.  
Jordan shuffles through the vinyl once more. I start cutting up the pie, while Lillian and Lyndsey prepare the coffee.  
"Found it!" Jordan exclaims excited.  
She puts it on the record player, and we're all engulfed in nostalgic 80s vibes from the first chords.  
"So, I have an interesting bit to share." Lyndsey begins. "Especially to you, Alex."  
"Putting me on a pedestal here. Okay." I smile. "Spill."  
"Emily skyped me a few days ago." She takes a bite of her pie.  
Instantly, I get this sinking feeling. It's not what I feel for Lillian, nor what I felt for Emily several months ago, or before that day when I didn't get an answer from her. No. It's dread. Dread of the topic. Dread of her. I felt uncomfortable, and I hated it.  
"What about?" I ask, my eyes glued to my piece of pie.  
"Overall, she's doing okay in Florence. Her internship is going quite well. She might be coming back next summer, if she doesn't get a good job back in Italy. However, she called to ask how you were doing." Lyndsey looks at me.  
"Me?" I ask a bit irritated. Well, this topic is irritating, so you really can't blame me. "Why should she care about me?"  
I hear Jordan lightly choking on her pie, and Lillian's just sitting there wide-eyed staring at us, not getting a single bit of what's going on.  
"She's worried about you, for some odd reason that I couldn't make out either." Lyndsey takes a sip of her coffee.  
"Careless Whisper" begins to play in the background.  
"Well, this is Em we're talking about. Who knows, what goes on in her head." I shove a bite of pie in my mouth.  
"Yeah." Lyndsey persists her calmness.  
Jordan is full-on chocking at this point. She tried to down the piece of pie with coffee, but ended up chocking even more.  
"Jordan, are you okay?" Lyndsey asks.  
Jordan manages to only shake her head "no". Lyndsey jumps from her seat to help her. Lillian's sitting calmly in her seat, with an "OMG! I finally get what's going on here!" look written all over her face.  
"Oh my god! You told Em, didn't you!" Lillian addresses me.  
"Yeah! So?" I almost shout angrily.  
"And she rejected you." She folds her arms on her chest.  
Jordan is breathing heavily, sipping on some water that Lyndsey got her from the kitchen. Lyndsey tries to remark about how Jess would have epically saved Jordan, or just suggested to stab herself into the corner of the table. But she's completely ignored by the banter that me and Lillian are getting into more and more with every sentence.  
"Don't need to rub it in, okay?! I screwed up!" I basically scream.  
"You screwed up?!" Lillian shouts back. "How about we talk about Em, who basically ran away to Florence!" She's waving her hands all over for exaggeration. "You mean to tell me, she didn't screw up?!"  
"She went there for an internship!" I jump from my seat.  
"This isn't about her internship! When was the last time you two really talked?!" She looks at the others. "Or you guys? When was the last time she REALLY talked to you?!!"  
"Jesus." I hear Jordan mumble under her breath, shaking her head.  
"Everything makes sense now. All of the hints that Jordan, or Lyndsey, or Richard threw at me. Everything adds up now. And you didn't tell me shit!" She screams back at me.  
"Were we even friends?!!" I yell back.  
"Oh my god." Lyndsey sighs.  
Lillian's shocked, frozen in her place like a statue. There's a tiny pause of like a second of complete silence.  
"Oh my Jesus." Jordan stands up. "You know what?!" She starts yelling at us. "I'm so done with you two! If it's relationship drama, it's always Alex! When was the last time somebody worried about me, huh? Never! You guys are so fucking selfish! It's always about you!" She slams her hands on the table. "I'm fucking asexual, and you guys don't even care!" She plummets into her chair.  
Lyndsey calmly takes a sip of her coffee. I'm sure, all of us get that thought that she's analyzing us and this situation intensely. She is a psychologist, after all.  
Me and Lillian sit down quietly. I sip on my coffee. Lillian takes a bite of her pie. There's complete and utter silence. Even the record has stopped playing.  
"Jordan, I'm sorry I've been an ass this whole time. You're right, I am a selfish idiot sandwich."  
"I'm sorry, too." Lillian intersects. "Being gone like that. I, too, am an idiot sandwich."  
"It's okay, I guess. I believe all of us needed an outburst of emotion." Jordan says quietly.  
"Guess, things did change, after all." Lillian proclaims.  
"They did, and they didn't." I smile.  
"Yeah." Lyndsey adds.  
"How the hell were you so calm this whole time?" I ask Lyndsey.  
"You forget I'm a professional. I am a psychologist, after all." She smiles and takes a sip of her coffee. "Also, this coffee is too good."  
"Yeah." Jordan adds. "What is it?"  
"It's instant." I answer calmly.  
"Are you kidding me?!" Lillian erupts in laughter. "You own one of the best coffee shops in town, and you drink instant?"  
"Yup."  
"Golden, bruh." Jordan says with a smile.  
We chatted some more, right till around nine.  
"Oh shit, is it nine already?!" Lyndsey interrupted the talk. "I promised Chad that I wouldn't leave him alone for too long." She began standing up.  
"Sure. Go check up on your boy-toy." I responded with a smile.  
"I'm actually surprised he hadn't bombarded you with tons of messages by now." Jordan remarks with a smile to Lyndsey's address.  
"Me too." Lyndsey answers with a chuckle as she heads to the hallway to put on her shoes and coat.  
"Yeah, Alex." Jordan intersects. "I think I'm gonna skidaddle, too. I promised Michelle I'd talk to her on Skype tonight." She stands up to head towards where Lyndsey's at the moment.  
"Your ex-roommate Michelle? Man, haven't heard of her in ages. How she doing?" I ask.  
"She's been pretty good, actually. Has a law firm and stuff. She's coming into town in a few weeks, getting an expansion of the firm or something like that." Jordan explains.  
"Cool. Tell her she's always welcome at the "Box"." I smile.  
"Definitely." Jordan salutes.  
Lyndsey and Jordan rush in the hallway to leave. They're almost out the door, when Jordan suddenly stops.  
"Yo, Lillian! You gonna lounge around some more?" She shoots her a smirk.  
"Yeah. Gonna help out Alex with the dishes and stuff. Since you guys aren't of much help." Lillian shoots back.  
"Ouch! That stung!" Jordan exclaims sarcastically, her right hand clutching the coat in the area where the heart should be located.  
"Just go, guys! You know what happens when Lillian gets in a banter." I start pushing the two out the door with a laugh. "You're gonna leave, and I'm gonna have to deal with that for the rest of the evening."  
"Good luck, bro." Jordan pats me on the shoulder.  
"Yeah. And throw some confrontational banter back at her. After all, she hasn't been around for a year." Lyndsey adds.  
The two leave, and I'm left with Lillian one-on-one. The soul-soaked vibes of Amy Winehouse's "Back To Black" album float around the apartment. I return to the living room, finding Lillian sitting calmly at the table. It reminds me of the unsettling calmness I saw yesterday at the cafe. I swallow an approaching lump, squeezing the last bits of a smile I have left. Before it can get awkward, I begin to occupy myself with the dishes. Lillian doesn't move a finger. It's like she's plastered to the chair, studying me with those deep green eyes of hers. To not lose my shit completely, I throw a remark at her.  
"Are you just gonna lounge around there, or are you gonna help?"  
"Boy, you're in a rush to clean up." She shoots back at me.  
"Oh, you wanted a date?" The phrase is out before I could stop it. Immediately, I regret that maneuver.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I get interrupted by her before I can finish.  
"It's okay. Nevermind." She lightly fans her hands around.  
There's an awkward pause between us.  
"Right. Cleaning up." Lillian stands up grabbing plates from the table and begins to head towards the kitchen. I end up following her. We shuffle around between kitchen and living room, until all of the dishes are in or next to the kitchen sink and leftovers in the fridge.  
"Just Friends" is finishing up on its second verse. The fact that I own a kitchen sink that can barely fit two people is not helping out the awkwardness. Lillian's scrubbing a plate spotless, while I'm mingling with some forks and spoons, hot water pouring on our hands. We "work" in silence, when I hear the record player switch to "Back to Black" - the title song, the sultry piano chords echoing off of the apartment walls. Amy steps in with the vocals, and I notice Lillian shift a bit as she grabs another dirty plate. She circles the sponge on the plate several times, before lightly dropping it into the sink along with the sponge. She sharply turns to me. I feel the lump coming back. The chorus is jamming all through.  
"Alex, we need to talk." Lillian addresses me calmly.  
"About what, Lillian?" I refuse to meet her eyes, drying a spoon with a kitchen rag.  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Her tone gets harsher. "Don't act dumb!"  
She pauses. The second verse starts rolling in.  
"Because I know you're not." She concludes in a soft tone.  
"What do you want me to say, Lillian?!" I finally snap. "That I like you? That I love you?! That I want you with every breath I take!" I'm shouting at her.  
"That I got this clutching feeling in my chest from the very first time I laid my eyes on you. That every fleeting glance during work was fresh water for my thirst. That every smile was sunshine. That every single laugh of your's was warmer than all of the summer suns in my life. That every moment spent with you felt like forever, so comforting and reassuring. That when you weren't around, it hurt so bad it was actually physically painful. That I was lost in you, had drowned in your eyes and in your essence. That when yesterday I told you that nothing had changed, I meant it with my whole heart. That I still feel all of these feelings for you." I eventually finish with a shaky voice.  
I'm on the verge of tears. It feels like I had just ripped out a part of my heart. In some sense, I actually did. "Back to Black" approaches its breakdown.  
Lillian is standing exquisitely still. But it's not the "frozen" reaction I got from Emily a month ago. No. Lillian is not surprised. My words did not catch her of guard. She knew exactly where she was going with that question. And if this had been a war among us, she would have won.  
Slowly a smile creeps up on her face, a friendly one. Just as slowly, she approaches me and hugs me tightly. I let myself give into it, and start sobbing like a freaking pussy, as Amy pushes out what's left of the final chorus.  
"God, I'm such a wreck." I let out still clutching on to Lillian like some kind of life raft.  
"If you're a wreck, then we're all doomed." Lillian says with a chuckle.  
"You're a smart little b word." I finally say with a smile. "You made me lose my shit on purpose."  
"And it worked. You are feeling better now, right?"  
"I feel... relieved, actually."  
There's kids playing outside. Bits and pieces of hide and seek fill the kitchen through the slightly open window, as the sunset's rays pierce the glass. Summer's coming to an end.


	10. 9.666

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is part of a Halloween challenge my friend suggested. So, a big shout out to her for helping me bring a bit of darkness into the world of "Box of Conversations".

Alex was standing at the pier, calmly observing the dark greenish grey water splash against the sturdy concrete structures that have firmly stepped into the process of erosion. It was a dark day comparing with the last few days of summer that August had provided. A thick layer of variously-shaded clouds covered the sky. Nevertheless, the weather was seemingly pleasant: the wind wasn't strong and numbing cold, just light breezes that gently played with Alex's blonde locks.  
Headphones on, she was deeply lost in thought, staring off into the horizon, Kiiara's "Whishlist" providing the soundtrack with its cinematic violin riffs. Her penny board, the type of transportation that Alex oh so loved, was secure in her left hand, leaving dust marks on her black leather jacket.  
Alex let out a heavy sigh. There was a lot on her mind - Emily, Lillian, keeping the "Box" in check. The last one probably consuming her thoughts the most. Especially after the last two visits from Dave. Financial problems was the biggest fear that Alex had, and even after several consultations with Jordan and multiple plan ideas, the situation was terrifying. The "Box" was the most precious thing Alex had, and she wasn't gonna give up easily on it. Yet, that determination did not ease off the stress. Thus, she was here now, listening to captivating music, staring into nothing.  
One more sigh, this time with closed eyes, Alex rubbed her face with her right hand, as if trying to rub away the tension and problems, as well as the tears that were starting to creep up to her eyes. She looked at a tiny wave splashing onto the pier, leaving traces of yellowish white sea-foam on the concrete covered in green mold.  
She turned around and was about to get onto her penny board, but a familiar figure caught her eye. Around ten meters away stood Lillian. She wore a pinkish cream-colored coat, strands of her golden blonde hair lightly covering her face as the wind played with her curls. Under the open coat she had a light blue blouse, that lightly exposed her tanned chest, burgundy pants and her faithful white Converses. With hands in her pockets, she stood steadily, her facial expression radiating calmness and seriousness.  
Alex was the one to slowly approach Lillian.  
"Hey, stranger!" Alex proclaimed with a smirk.  
"Hey, you!" Lillian returned the gesture. "You contemplating on jumping in?" She motions to the dark waters beneath them with her head.  
"Maybe." Alex answers calmly. "Considering all that's going on with the "Box" and stuff." Alex gives a pained smile. "But enough about me. What are you doing here anyways?"  
"I'm here to pick you up." Lillian answers with an emotionless face.  
"Ha ha, very funny." Alex replies sarcastically. "No, for reals, though?"  
"You don't like me being here? Talking to you?" Lillian's face persists to be deprived of emotion.  
"It's not that. It's just..." Alex starts, but pauses. "You're messing with me, aren't you?" She asks with a smile.  
"And you fall for it every time." The younger blonde's eyebrows slightly lift up, breaking the streak of emotionless facial expressions. "Listen, why don't you rant to me about all of your problems at my place over a hot beverage. This weather is sooo ruining my hair." Her face goes back to the flatness.  
"Did you just try to be shallow?" Alex asks with a chuckle.  
"I did. And I'm glad you noticed it." Lillian's face switches to the lifted eyebrows look. "So, are we going, or what?"  
"Yeah, sure." The older blonde answers with a smile.  
Lillian's apartment was in one of those modern fancy complexes that got build only a few years ago. It was a twenty one floor building. Apart from it being spotless clean, it was also decorated in plants and art, which made it look more like an expensive hotel than a living area.  
They took the elevator, which was just as gigantic as the whole place with its large halls and staircases and hallways. Alex jammed herself in one corner, Lillian standing right next to her. They stared at each other in the wide mirror hung on the wall right in front of them. The whole trip to the fourth floor passed in silence.  
Lillian's apartment didn't really stand out from the overall atmosphere of the whole complex. It was incredibly clean and orderly, to the point that Alex felt slightly uncomfortable. However, after witnessing Lillian lazily throw off her shoes next to the shoe cabinet, and without much care throwing her coat on the coat rack, she eased off a bit.  
Alex followed Lillian's example, and after putting away all of her outdoor apparel, joined Lillian into the kitchen.  
"Tea, coffee?" The younger blonde asked. "I'm sure I have juice and some coke in the fridge, but something tells me, that's not what you're craving right now."  
Lillian turned from the cupboard to smirk at Alex. She was right, a cold beverage was not what Alex was craving for. Slowly, the older blonde swallowed a lump in her throat, and gave the younger one a smile.  
"Hit me up with some camomile tea, if you got any." Alex had made up her mind.  
"You sure you're not gonna fall asleep?" Lillian smiled. "Not that I mind." She shot her a glance. "It's just, I'd like to have more fun than simply stare at your sleeping face."  
"As long as you're not drawing any dicks on my face, I'm fine with that." Alex shot back, getting the hang of this game Lillian initiated.  
"I can't promise that." The younger blonde chuckled. She had her back to Alex while making the tea. For herself, she stuck to forest berry flavor.  
When the hot water was ready, Lillian placed the tea bags in the cups. Alex's cup had kittens on it, while Lillian's said "I ❤️ Coffee". She shuffled a little bit more with the steaming beverages, leaving them out of sight for Alex, as if she was gonna whip out some kind of surprise instead of two cups of tea. Finally, she turned around with the cups in each of her hand, handing Alex the kittens smelling like a camomile field. Lillian stirred her berry tea bag in her cup, observing how the tea bag slowly bled out its contents in the boiling hot water. She, then, reached out to grab the half empty container of sugar and placed it in the middle of the table, as well as pushed some cookies closer to the container. Alex put in two sugars into her tea, while Lillian settled with one.  
"Why do I feel like that tastes like piss." Lillian remarks staring at Alex's cup.  
"Why do I feel like you had several chats with Jess during work." Alex smirks.  
"Did you just call my coffee piss?" She gives the older blonde one of her sarcastic "surprised" faces.  
"Maybe." Alex gives a sly smile. "You're tea's great, though." She says after taking a sip.  
"Well that's a relief." Lillian says with an exaggerated sigh.  
Both of them took a moment to lightly sip on their teas.  
"So," Lillian began. "What's up with these problems you've got?"  
"Financial mostly. The "Box" is getting low on funds, and profit hasn't been flowing much in lately." Alex sighed heavily. "I had several talks with Jordan. Even Dave came up several times. All of us kinda came to a dead end. And I really don't wanna lose the "Box" just like that."  
"I'm sure there's gotta be some kind of a way out. I mean, there has to be." Lillian seemed worried.  
"Yeah... I don't know anymore." Alex said frustratedly.  
Both of them paused for a moment. Alex dug nervously at her nails. Lillian was lost in thought. She didn't want to lose the "Box" either.  
"What if all of us got in on it. I'm sure if everyone gave a little, you'd at least have something to pull through in the time being. Maybe the profit would rise up later. Maybe that's all you need right now. The "Box" is like home to us. We can't give it up just like that!"  
"Yeah. We had talked about that. I thought about asking Lyndsey for help, but business has been low on her side, too. She said she would talk to Chad, but didn't promise anything. Em said might try to score some cash, she was thinking about getting a part time job anyway."  
"I remember Emily mentioning it to me once at work. She didn't say it was this serious." Lillian furrowed her eyebrows.  
"Yeah... Well, Em's been kind of distant with me lately." Alex takes a sip of her tea.  
"Is it because you like her?" Lillian proclaims in a serious tone. There's no teasing, just pure concern.  
"What?" The question threw Alex of guard. "How do you know about that?"  
"I'm not blind, Alex. And you're not doing a great job at hiding it, either." Lillian smiled. "You know she felt bad for you?"  
"Because I liked her?"  
"No. Because she couldn't return it."  
"So she didn't feel the same way. Big deal."  
"It's not that. She's in deep shit, Alex. She didn't want to be a burden."  
"So she left for Florence." Alex concluded.  
"Maybe." Lillian took a bite of her cookie. "She's gone now. There's no point in talking about it anyway."  
"I guess so." Alex downed what's left of her tea.  
"She also mentioned the way you feel about me." Lillian said in a calm tone.  
"Why do I feel like that didn't surprise you much." Alex smiled. "I was obvious, wasn't I?" She crossed her arms on her chest.  
"She reassured my speculations, yes." Lillian smiled, as well. She took one last sip to empty her cup of tea. "Why don't we move to the living room." She suggested. "These chairs are giving me a back ache."  
They placed their empty cups in the sink and walked down to the living room. Lillian sank in the leather couch, Alex joining her, but much calmly.  
For a moment, they stared at each other, almost lost in each other's eyes.  
"I always wanted to ask you," Lillian broke the silence. "What's up with that tattoo of yours." She slid her fingers across Alex's left wrist, outlining the several lines of black inked barbed wire that turned into flying birds several lines later.  
Alex smiled. She opened her mouth, but took a pause before speaking, as if to compose her words into a coherent sentence. Her eyes drifted along the tattoo, as did her fingers, gently grazing with the younger blonde's.  
"Well," Alex began. Before addressing Lillian with firm eye contact, her eyes for a split second fell on the younger blonde's lips. "Let's just say that I had my fare share of scars in life." Alex smiled sadly.  
"You're a very dark person, Alex." Lillian said in a serious tone. "You're like a dark corner, that no one makes much of. I mean, I don't know much about you."  
"There's not really much to talk about. I had my ups and downs. I needed to remember that I pulled through eventually. That's what the tattoo's for."  
"Was I one of the ups," Lillian leaned in till their faces were only inches apart. "or the downs?" She breathed, her breath lingering on Alex's skin.  
Alex paused. Lillian's left hand slid up to Alex's shoulder.  
"You were both." Alex said in a whisper. "And much more, all at the same time."  
Slowly, Lillian leaned in and pressed her lips to Alex's. Quickly, Alex gave into the hunger. She pressed Lillian's body against hers in a tight embrace. Lillian caught the hint and slid her left hand into Alex's hair. However, the older blonde was the one to break up the kiss. It was as if she woke from a dream and needed to regain her consciousness. Panting hard, both of them leaned on each other's foreheads. For a moment, Alex hesitated to meet Lillian's eyes. It was hard for her to regain her breath. Eventually, she did gather her composure and looked into the younger blonde's eyes. A heavy breath and a smile lit up on her face.  
"God... When you kiss me, nothing seems real anymore." Alex concluded with a dreamy gaze.  
"Then get lost in me." Lillian lazily smiled.  
"You wanna suffocate me?" Alex chuckled. "'Cause after all of these feelings leave me, I might as well die."  
"Then lay down. I'll make sure you'll die a sweet death."  
Alex eased off on the leather couch, Lillian nuzzling her head on to Alex's left shoulder, allowing the older blonde wrap her arms around her. Both of them stared at the ceiling. It was already dark, as Lillian's ceiling lit up. She had one of those gigantic ceiling paintings - a night's sky full of shining stars.  
Lillian wrapped her left arm around Alex's waist.  
"This is beyond perfect." She whispered.  
"Yeah." Alex breathed turning her head to meet Lillian's eyes.  
They laid like that for the rest of the night, embracing and just talking.  
Alex woke up from a sense of suffocation. When she opened her eyes everything around was blurry. She tried blinking a few times, though it was kind of hard. Her eyelids felt immensely heavy, and her head hurt a bit. However, she regained her full consciousness when she tried to take a deep breath. As her breathing organs got filled with water, she realized she was drowning. Alex tried to get up, since she was in a horizontal position, but was unable as she found her hands tied up. While panicking she had swallowed a lot of water, and was about to pass out, when her legs came to the rescue. With a firm push she managed to lift herself up.  
She sat in the manically spotless clean bathtub that was half empty. When she finally regained her breath and got acquainted with her surroundings, she climbed out of the tub, since her legs were not tied. She freed her hands by rubbing the soaked rope on a corner of a cabinet. After several strokes, her hands were free.  
Alex was about to open the door out of this place that seemed incredibly claustrophobic to her right now, but had to lean on a wall as to not fall back into the tub. The headache intensified, and she felt a sharp smell invade her senses. It was bleach. Alex wondered for a moment, if any was in the water and if she hadn't been soaking in it. The question of the amount of time she had spent in this tub also had struck her mind.  
The questions began to flow in one by one. Why was she tied up? Did somebody wanted to kill her? Whose bathroom was this? Was this Lillian's place? Was last night even real?  
She pondered a bit more, but realized she might find the answers on the other side of the door. Carefully, she pushed the handle and the door slowly opened. Alex got hit by a large amount of bright blinding light.  
Emily woke up with a deep gasp.


	11. Chapter 10

"And then... And th-" Jess began laughing. "And then his beard caught on fire!" She erupted in laughter from the memory.  
Jess had finally visited the "Box" to talk about her stay in the Netherlands. It was a sunny bright Thursday. It was also warm, considering the fact that autumn was already here. She had been sipping on some green tea for the past hour.  
"Oh my god!" I began laughing.  
"I KNOW!"  
"How did you put it out?" I ask.  
"He ran to the sink in super speed. His beard is still kinda frizzy, so to speak." Jess says with a chuckle.  
"Man! Guess, that kinda ruined the whole "let's smoke a bong" idea." I smile.  
"Oh yeah. I am NEVER gonna smoke weed again." Jess takes a sip of her tea.  
"I never tried weed in my life, actually. And I'm sure I never will, especially after that story." I say leaning on the counter.  
"Trust me, it's not worth it." She says with another sip of the tea. "It's not even that good. I literally didn't feel much."  
"I'd say weed's overrated." I conclude.  
"Totally." Jess smiles. "Oh, but I did get this." She says and uncovers her right ear. There's a small rose tattoo behind it.  
"Nice!" I exclaim. "Glad you joined the tattoo brotherhood."  
"Well, you can't be the only one with tattoos around." She smiles.  
"Yeah. It was beginning to get a bit lonely." I joke.  
"Hey guys!" Lyndsey runs in heavily panting.  
"Hey- Woah," I begin. "We're you running a marathon or something?"  
"Yeah! And in those heels?! Gurl!!" Jess adds.  
"I...need...to...talk to...you....Alex." Lyndsey manages.  
"Me? What about?" I say surprised.  
"I'd rather in private." She motions to Jess with her head. "By the way, good to see you... Jess. Especially... since you haven't been... around for a while. Glad you're... back with the... gang."  
"Yeah, well. I can't just leave you guys." Jess smiles.  
"Speaking of leaving-" Lyndsey turns to me.  
"Oh my god! Is it Emily drama again?" I ask frustrated. "You know what? Just spill it right now right here and let's just get it over it."  
"In front of Jess?" Lyndsey raises an eyebrow at me.  
"Yeah. I'll fill her in. She's family, so might as well know what's going on with Em and the whole drama thing."  
"Well, okay, then." Lyndsey shrugs lightly. "Go on, then."  
I begin to fill in Jess on the details of the whole situation with Emily.  
"Okay." Jess says calmly. "So what do you have now?" She looks at Lyndsey.  
"Well," Lyndsey begins. "What I didn't tell you about the Skype call last Saturday is that Em had a dream about you."  
"A dream? Really?" I fold my arms on my chest.  
"Yeah. It's a long and complex picture, but I'm gonna break down a few things." She takes a seat in front of the counter. "By the way, can you get me a chocolate cappuccino?"  
"Sure." I say and turn for the coffee machine.  
"Thanks." She nods. "But, anyway, there was the finance crisis you had with the cafe a year ago. She also mentioned troubling thoughts about you. I kinda got a sense that she might feel guilty about the whole situation between you two."  
"Yeah... Well, she didn't call me back, not the other way around." I say with a serious face.  
"Fair point. There's this other thing, though." Lyndsey hesitates.  
"What thing?" Jordan asks as she pops in next to me from the storage room.  
"We're talking about Em." I fill in Jordan on the conversation.  
"Oh. Furthering, where we left off on Saturday. Wasn't that conversation over, though?" Jordan asks a bit confused.  
"Apparently, not. Lynds here kept a lot of stuff to herself that day." I say with a grin.  
"And I did not expect this to turn into a story time." Lyndsey smiles sarcastically.  
"Just go on, bro. Doesn't really matter." I wave it off.  
"Yeah. So what's this other thing?" Jess props her head on her elbows.  
"Well..." She pauses. "It's about Alex and Lillian."  
"What about me?" We hear from the entrance.  
All of us turn to the door to find Lillian come in.  
"What about me?" She repeats the question.  
"Great!" Lyndsey frustratedly flops her arms on the counter.  
"We're talking about Emily." I drop Lillian an update on the situation with a nod.  
"Hm. What's new?" She takes a seat next to Lyndsey.  
"I don't know. Lynds here said Em had a dream about you and me." I address Lillian with more info.  
"Emily had a dream about us?" Lillian chuckles. "You sure that's not from your head, Alex?" She shoots me one of those narrow-eyed smirks.  
"Heheheh. Very funny." I return the gesture.  
Jess looks a bit confused, the bit between me and Lillian throwing her off of the conversation.  
"So, anyway. What's up with Em dreaming about Alex and Lillian?" Jordan returns us to the conversation.  
"Well... That's where it gets weird, kinda. However, in short, I believe Emily is jealous." Lyndsey says, then pauses for a second. "And sorta dislikes Lillian."  
"Dislikes me?" Lillian says confused.  
"Actually, nobody likes you, Lillian. You're just too perfect." Jordan teases.  
Lillian shoots her a look, that slowly turns into the narrow-eyed smirk.  
"Gee, thanks."  
"Joke." Jordan says with a laugh. All of us lightly laugh.  
"I'm more interested in the dream, actually." Jess proclaims. "What did Em had to dream about that it would get weird?"  
"We were probably making out or something." Lillian says with a smirk at me. I must of turned beet red, since I felt my face heat up.  
"Jesus, guys! Get a room!" Jordan remarks.  
"Okay... What the hell is going on?" Jess asks confused. "I had been gone for like a year, and I feel like it's been ten."  
"Don't tell me you never noticed Alex lusting over Lillian?" Lyndsey grins at Jess.  
"And, I guess, I don't need to explain anything anymore." I smile sarcastically.  
"Oh!" Jess pauses for a moment. "Oh. Okay"  
"So, basically, what I'm getting out of this whole dream thing is that Em's being paranoid about me and Alex running off into the sunset when it's her that didn't call Alex back that night." Lillian concludes.  
"Well..." Lyndsey begins.  
"Yeah." Jordan says. The rest of us nod in agreement.  
"Seems like it." I finalize.  
"So, is that all of the elephants in the room?" Jess asks.  
"Guess so." Lyndsey says taking a sip of her coffee.  
"Well... There is the whole thing about my asexuality, if we're all coming clean." Jordan says slowly.  
"Really?!" Jess exclaims. "Cool!"  
"What a reunion!" I sigh.  
"I know, right?!" Jess says excited. "It really does feel like ten years. So much had happened."  
"But we got ya back in the loop." I smile.  
"You sure did." She smiles back.  
We chill for a couple of hours together. Jess tells more hilarious and fascinating stories about her stay in the Netherlands, her internship, and how trying out a "happy pizza" with Todd didn't make them very happy. In addition, Todd was the one to always get into silly situations, even when he was teaching his own music class, like the time when the piano's lid fell on his hands. His hands are fine, by the way.  
Soon enough, it began to get dusky, and most of the gang scattered. Jess went home, since she had a class of fourth graders to teach in the morning. Lillian had to wake up early for Uni, and Jordan had promised to talk to Michelle over Skype again, so she left early. The only ones left were me and Lyndsey.  
I got Lyndsey another cup of coffee, a mint mocha this time, as I noticed her concern.  
"Lynds, you okay? You seem worried." I ask.  
"Yeah, well... There is one thing from the whole "Emily story" that I left out. I didn't want to break it down in front of everyone, but I did wanted to tell you this."  
"Okay." I say hesitantly.  
She takes a pause.  
"Emily told me that Lillian has a crush on me." She says slowly.  
"Lillian?" I ask in a disbelieving tone. "As in, the Lillian. Blonde, green eyes, likes to address my crush on her since I spilled all of my guts to her?"  
"Yeah. That Lillian." She concludes, then pauses. "Wait. When did you spill your shit to her?"  
"Saturday night, after you guys left. But don't change the subject!"  
"Fine!" Lyndsey smiles. "So, yeah. Em told me her and Lillian had a chat once while Lillian still worked at the "Box". That's when all of the spillage came pouring out."  
"Yeah... Wow!" I say surprised. "Never had pegged Lillian to be into femmes." I pause. "Had you thought of her label?"  
"Do I have!" Lyndsey chuckles sarcastically. "Haven't we all kinda?"  
"Maybe. I surely have. But , then again, that's me." I smile. "Anyways, time will tell."  
"You know, Emily also wanted me to tell you something about the situation that happened between you two, with the whole ignorance thing."  
"Yeah?" My tone gives away slight frustration.  
"She was in deep shit, Alex. And still is, I guess. She said, she didn't want to be a burden to you. That's why she decided to just let it all go."  
Lyndsey looks at me calmly. I'm standing frozen still. I had let past experiences dictate, how I should deal with people, and I fucked up.  
"As I see it," Lyndsey continues. "She's probably suffering from depression. Hopefully, the change of surroundings will help her get sorted. I sense she's doing better already. She seemed very happy when we talked about her internship."  
I hear what Lyndsey's telling me, but at the same time, I'm lost in my head. I feel guilty, whether I was or not. I ended up being a shitty friend, not reaching out to Em, leaving her to deal with her crap on her own. Then again, she never let me in, when I tried reaching out to her a few times. Maybe I should have pushed? Maybe all of us should have?  
Lillian was right. We never really talked with Emily, and with time, we got distant. But none us wanted to aggressively push her. There's a lot of regrets and "shoulds" that come to my mind, however, it's all pointless now. Em knew, what she was doing, and she had made her choice. All we can do now is accept it. I just hope she gets to live the life she always wanted, a happy and successful one.  
"Listen," I begin. "If you ever get to talk to Em again, tell her I wish all the best for her, sincerely." I smile warmly.  
"I will." Lyndsey returns the smile.


	12. Chapter 11

It's October. The month of pumpkin spice latte. I've got Arctic Monkeys on the record player, "I Wanna Be Yours" spreading chill vibes this late afternoon. Jess is at the counter, going through some tests she had been grading for the past hour, large cup of ginger and lemon tea next to her. Lyndsey's eagerly clicking away on her laptop, occasionally giving the keyboard some attention, while I'm taking care of several dirty cups. Lyndsey's so engulfed in her laptop that I get curious, what is it that she's working on.  
"Hey, Lynds! Whatcha working on?" I ask with a smile. "From my side feels like you're filling out spreadsheets or somethin'."  
"More like Sims." Jess chuckles.  
"You're kidding?" I laugh.  
"Nope. I'm rearranging the furniture. And occasionally chatting with Chad. He's in Switzerland right now, business stuff." Lyndsey answers me without lifting her eyes off of the screen.  
"Jesus!" Jess whines. "I can't feel my back from all of this sitting with my head down. Let me just say, I HATE grading papers."  
"I'd offer you an exercise, if you're interested." I dry off the wet cups with a rag.  
"Please do." She furrows her eyebrows from the stiffness.  
"Go change the record. I've been listening to "AM" since morning. I love Arctic Monkeys, but it's becoming a little bit too much right about now."  
"Sure." She gets up from the bar stool and heads towards the stack of vinyl in the far corner of the cafe.  
"Oh, and I'll get you more tea. How's that sound?"  
"Yes, please." She answers as she goes through the records. "Is London Grammar okay?"  
"Which album?" I ask. Lyndsey keeps clicking away on her laptop.  
"The last one. "Truth Is a Beautiful Thing".  
"Perfect. Might as well go straight to "Bones of Ribbon"."I add.  
"Got it." She holds up a thumbs up.  
We continue to shuffle around a bit as the song picks up the pace.  
"Hey guys!" I eventually break the silence. "Do you remember how we met?"  
"Do I?" Lyndsey chuckles. "You guys were hilarious."  
"You mean the story with the kompot?" Jess smiles.  
"Yooo! What up?!" Jordan comes in for her shift.  
"You're in a good mood." Jess remarks.  
"Finished the first season of Stranger Things last night. Damn, that's one hell of a show." Jordan says as she heads into the storage room to change.  
"Don't forget that there's still season 2. And then season 3 comes out-" I yell out to her, but get interrupted by her yelling back.  
"I got it, Alex! Don't pressure me!"  
"I'm just saying!" I smile.  
Few minutes later, she comes out and joins me behind the counter.  
"So, what were you guys talking about?" She asks.  
"Well, we were actually remembering how we met back in Uni." I answer.  
"Ah, the good old days." Lyndsey says nostalgically.  
"And now is bad because...?" Jess trails off at Lyndsey.  
"Because I have wacky clients I have to deal with." She sighs. "But nevermind me. Go on with the story."  
"Yeah. So. Freshman year. It's, like, our second week there. I'm in the cafeteria, chewing intensely on a poorly cooked pork stake, when Jess randomly swoops in and sits right in front of me."  
"That cafeteria food was rubbish." Jess remarks.  
"Jess, you sure you haven't been to Great Britain in your life?" Jordan says with a sly smile.  
"Don't recall being there." Jess shoots back. "Unless I was like in a coma or something. But on with the story."  
"Roger that. Anyway, I'm battling my rubbery piece of meat. And guess what I've got to down it with? That's right. Kompot with raisins. There might have been even prunes in it, but I'm not sure. Actually, I'm not even sure about the raisins, either."  
"It was dark brown." Jess adds with a few nods of her head and irritation on her face.  
"Yeah." I continue. "So. I'm putting my best efforts to chew the meat, as well as trying to down it with some mashed potatoes. When, suddenly, Jess addresses me out of nowhere. And you said..."  
""Hey! Tell me this thing tastes like piss, or am I the only one?"" Jess concludes.  
"And I was like-"  
""What?"" Lyndsey jumps in. "And then I barged in on your conversation and agreed with Jess's statement. You were still busy with that piece of rubber for a stake to give her a proper answer."  
"Yeah." I finish.  
"Wow. That's one way to get acquainted, though." Jordan smiles. "At least, I know where the phrase comes from now."  
"And that's only a tiny bit of all the funny stuff that had happened to us during Uni." Jess takes a sip of her tea.  
"Yeah. But I'd say the important part is still that we stuck together after that day." Lyndsey proclaims.  
"Totally. Even though all of us had different majors. That's kinda awesome when you really think about it. How we owe it to one really nasty drink." I smile.  
"Got that right." Jess adds.  
Lauv's "The Story Never Ends" starts echoing off of the far corner, filling the cafe with smooth chords of piano.  
"But remember what happened three months later?" Lyndsey remarks about another significant moment. A moment that always puts a smile on my face, a nostalgic and happy one.  
"When we went to the Coffee Shack?" Jess begins. "And the coffee there tasted like piss?"  
"And then you ordered some tea-" I add.  
"And it tasted like piss, as well." Jess concludes.  
"And then all of us got into a deep conversation, despite the crappy beverages." Lyndsey twirls around her cup of pumpkin spice latte.  
"And I said that I would love to open up a coffee shop." I smile nostalgically.  
"And both me and Lynds never stopped supporting you since that day." Jess smiles.  
"Yeah. I mean, the "Box" is like home to us. To all of us." Lyndsey smiles, as well.  
"Damn right." Jordan adds. "And I wasn't even there back then. Yet, the "Box" is like home and you guys are family to me."  
"Well, I'm glad that things turned out that way." I smile warmly. "And I think this deserves a toast."  
Several moments later, when everyone has a drink at hand, we toast.  
"Cheers." All of us go on toasting.  
"But wait." Lyndsey cuts off the festive mood. "You didn't tell Jordan the best part."  
"Which is?" I get confused.  
"Why Alex called the coffee shop "Box of Conversations"." Jess adds. "And it's because Alex couldn't get WiFi at first when she had the plans for the cafe. The plans are still there somewhere, and if you were to look at them, you wouldn't find any WiFi, no modems, no routers, nothing." Jess concludes.  
"So Alex called the shop "Box of Conversations" because the only form of entertainment in the shop was talking to people. And vinyl, of course." Lyndsey finishes.  
"Woah." Jordan's face lights up in surprise. "Even though you did eventually get WiFi, I still notice the coffee shop live up to the name with most of its customers."  
"Than I didn't go wrong with the name."  
"Which deserves another toast, I think." Jess holds up her cup.  
"Totally agree with ya, Jess." I hold up my can of coke.  
"Cheers." Jordan toasts.  
"Cheers." All of us toast back.  
"I'm surprised you didn't say "chairs", Jordan." Lyndsey remarks.  
"Lillian can take care of her department herself for once." Jordan smiles slyly. We all laugh lightly.  
We continue to talk some more, remembering various moments that stuck to our memory. And just like old times, time has slowed down for us once again.


	13. Chapter 12

A late evening of mid December. It's lightly snowing on the other side of Alex's apartments window. The town's almost ready for Christmas, which is evident from the various decorations beginning with stars and garlands of lights, and ending with Santa Claus himself. Every corner is festive, spreading that holiday cheer. Yet, Alex's apartment is rather quiet.  
There has been much planning for the holidays in the "Box", mostly budget arrangement. And, although, this year wasn't going to be last year's stress indulged disaster, Alex was still uneasy. Then again, she had a tendency to worry a lot and over-think things quickly. Fall proved itself to be a busy season, and the start of December might even strike up a competition. There was no surprise: the weather was getting colder, and the "Box of Conversations" was the perfect place to chill during that kind of weather. So, naturally the customer rate was increasing rapidly lately. And, certainly, that made the crew happy. But along with that happiness came worry.  
Alex was lounging on a beanbag near the window, the "Box's" financial notes, pen, and calculator in hand. Her focus was consumed by the numbers in the small notepad, which were currently, unfortunately, not properly adding up on the calculator. When her focus would get thrown off by frustration, Alex's gaze would shift to the large snowflakes that would occasionally stick to the other side of the glass.  
Light down mellow, Brain Tan was drifting away through the room on the record player, the chill electrical guitar vibes of "I'd Really Like To Slow Down" setting a soothing mood.  
The values on the calculator didn't add up evenly once again. With a deep frustrated sigh Alex rubbed her face with her left hand and glanced out the window. White fluffy snowflakes twirled in the light winter breeze. Just like the tiny droplets of crystallized water, Alex's thoughts about Lillian twirled in her head. Financial precautions were not the only thing that accumulated her head. The younger blonde inflicted just as much over-thinking as did the stock issue, maybe even more, to tell the truth. In fact, Alex tended to zone out problems with other problems. Her mind was always at work, thoughts rushing like metro trains. A nicely decorated Christmas tree, which was right across the street, caught her eye. It reminded her of Lillian's eyes that used to light up just like all the lights on the tree.

Jordan was in the living room of her apartment, treating herself to TV series. She was currently engulfed in the seventeenth episode of Shadowhunter's second season. Simon was using all of his charm to ask out Maya on a date, only to get rejected. Brain Tan's "I'd Really Like To Slow Down" perfectly complemented the scene, but it also went really well with the current atmosphere of Jordan's apartment. Lights dimmed down, Jordan was curled up on the couch with a woolen blanket draped on her legs, a warm cup of hot chocolate and a bowl of ginger cookies in her lap. Her laptop was firmly placed on the coffee table next to the couch.  
The chill vibes of the electrical guitars reminded Jordan of summer. Of that summer, when Lillian still worked in the "Box". How all of them would joke around, especially after work, when Alex would gather everyone to talk about the day with coffee and snacks. Lillian was always the one to initiate a joke, and after that there was no stopping for the "joke train". One would lead to another, next thing everyone was chocking from laughter. Lillian was fun to be around. She was also friendly, as she was the first one to actually talk to Jordan on that first day. They ended up talking quite a bit in the storage room back then. And that's where Lillian's sense of care came in. She had talked Jordan out of a bad mood when Michelle had to eventually move out and Jordan was left all alone in the apartment. And all of that was what Jordan fell for. She enjoyed spending time with Lillian, loved it. To the extent that she had thought about what it would be like to have that forever. To have that comfort and feeling of freedom around all the time. She loved it, so much that the thoughts would pile up, one after another, until they became constant, to the point of consumption.  
Jordan snapped out of her daydreaming, realizing she didn't pay much attention to the show anymore, so she shut it off. She was out of hot chocolate and needed a refill. Therefore, she got up and headed to the kitchen.

Jess was at the desk in her apartment. She was busy grading papers, as usual, that were lit by a bright table lamp. She had a large cup of green tea next to her to keep her energized.  
Just a couple of hours ago Todd was here. He had brought pizza, Jess's favorite Hawaiian, and they had relaxed and conversed for hours. Then it had gotten dark, and Todd had to leave, as he had promised Josh to accompany him to the cinema to watch the new Star Wars movie. Thus, Jess was left alone with her grading work.  
It's not like she hated it. She didn't love it, either. She enjoyed teaching, but she wanted more than just be stuck grading numerous tests and quizzes and written compositions of fourth graders. "Maybe you should try achieving a Ph.D. and going to teach at an university." Todd had suggested. Jess had that thought, as well, several times when they were still in the Netherlands. He went on to talk about his experience with teaching, and how he had went on to teach in an actual music school instead of just a school. All of these thoughts clouded Jess's mind, and had broken her focus.  
"Shit." She mumbled under her breath and got up fill up her cup with hot water, as the contents of her cup had gotten cold. She turned up the radio as she waited for the pot of water to boil. Washed Out's "Paracosm" exchanged the silence in the apartment to an ambient mix of guitars.

Lyndsey was in the kitchen picking up forks and knives for two people. The radio was filling the dim kitchen with Washed Out's "Paracosm". The forks and knives shortly found their place next to the plates. Chad had returned from Toronto recently, after establishing an expansion of the firm. He hadn't been much around, so he tried to make up with a romantic dinner.  
Chad found Lyndsey blankly staring at the oven, where the lasagna was cooking. Her arms folded on her chest, she stood motionless. The sight stirred Chad a bit, especially since he had put so much effort into making the evening perfect. Certainly, his first thought was that he had done something wrong and that Lyndsey might start lashing at him, as that kind of calmness was very unusual to her character.  
"Lynds, you okay?" He asked in a calm tone.  
"What?" She got awoken from her daydream.  
"You looked like you were elsewhere." He came in closer after grabbing the wine bottle.  
"No. I'm fine. It's just...work. It's been pretty hectic lately." She answered leaning on the counter with her back.  
"Really? How so?"  
"It's a lot of work, that is all."  
Chad cupped Lyndsey's face, stroking her chin with his thumb. There was concern in his eyes, as well as warmth.  
"Listen. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. I know you're the one listening to people's BS all the time, and holding up that much inside is unhealthy for one person. I just want you to know, that you can tell me anything."  
The last sentence, especially the last word made Lyndsey uneasy. Not because she couldn't trust Chad. They've been together for years now. Trust was never an issue between them. But because "anything" meant a lot of things. "Anything" meant talking about Lillian's crush on her, that Lyndsey could not explain to herself (or at least she had tried for the past few months), not to mention drag Chad into something like that. She had firmly decided she was gonna keep it in for the time being.  
"I know." Lyndsey said calmly.  
"Good." He smiled. After a quick peck on the lips, he grabbed the wine bottle off the counter.  
"I've got Merlot, your favorite. Grab the wine glasses. The lasagna's almost done." He began to head towards the living room, but stopped at the doorway. "Try not to think too much. I want tonight to be about us."  
"I won't." Lyndsey answered grabbing the wine glasses from the cupboard.  
Chad smiled warmly. "I love you."  
"I love you, too, Chad." Lyndsey smiled back.  
He tinkered with the frequency knob on the radio, switching to another station, funny enough landing on Washed Out's "Don't Give Up".

Lillian was in her room working on essay for her Strategic Digital Communication class. Uni had been a lot for her lately: lots of papers, lots of assignments, lots of projects. Even the exams proved themselves not to be a walk in the park. She was pulling through eventually, even though it had been pretty draining lately.  
The radio in the hallway was playing Washed Out's "Don't Give Up".  
"Hey Lillian! I'm going to the store. You want anything?" Lillian's roommate Stacey asked.  
"A pint of chocolate ice cream would be great. Especially, after I'm done with this paper." Lillian smiled sarcastically.  
"Sure. But only if you share it with me." Stacey smiled.  
"Deal."  
"Alright. I'm off, then. See ya later."  
"See ya." Lillian turned back to her paper.  
She stared at the screen, precisely at the introductory paragraph she managed to jot down. Her mind was blank, unable to make any contribution to the essay. In fact, it wasn't completely empty. A certain person had been occupying it for the past few weeks.  
Lillian sighed deeply, closed her eyes hard for a couple of seconds, and minimized the Word document. She blankly stared as the window flew down to the taskbar. Just as automatically, Lillian opened up a picture of Lyndsey. It wasn't a photo of just Lyndsey, certainly. The whole squad was there. It was from way back when Lillian still worked at the "Box". Alex had arranged for all of them to have a picnic at Dave's beach house. Danny and Alex made sure that the music was solid, which meant blasting Washed Outs "Paracosm" album non stop, since it had great summer vibes. "All I Know" had been stuck in Lillian's head for weeks after, along with the memory of everyone enjoying Dave's homemade burgers. They had made a gigantic photo of all of the gang after, but this one was a different photo. Alex had wanted to take a selfie with the (back then) current crew working in the "Box", which included Jordan, Lillian, and Danny. Somehow, Lyndsey managed to photo bomb the picture. Starting from the left, stood Alex with her right hand up holding the selfie stick, next to her was Jordan. Lyndsey had managed to squeeze right in the middle, separating Jordan from Lillian, yet allowing Danny to have his moment next to Lillian.  
She didn't make much of that particular picture back then. But when the feelings became to develop, she would return to it from time to time. To the moment when she had been the closest to Lyndsey, her arm draped on Lyndsey's waist as everyone posed for the picture in a tight hug.  
It was weird. The feelings. Simply because she wasn't quite sure what they were. Lillian was always a very precise and organized person. She had most of the things in her life figured out, like the university she chose or that she would study IT with a communication module. She was even almost sure what Alex felt for her, since it was so evident, especially after the conversation with Emily and all of the small chat with the others. And when Alex finally came clean to her, she knew what it was. But her own feelings, unfortunately, she could not thoroughly understand.  
The radio had been blasting Hayley Kiyoko's "Palace" for some time now, as Lillian proceeded to be lost in her daydream. She only snapped out of it from the thud of the front door. She immediately lowered the lid of her laptop, along with the photo on the screen, as Stacey leaned on the side of the doorway to take off her shoes.  
"Hey! I got your ice cream. Any luck with the paper?"  
"None. I believe I gave up on it for tonight." Lillian sighed.  
"How about you grab some spoons for the ice cream, and I'll go turn on "Gossip Girl"? Stacey smiled.  
"Best idea I've heard all night." Lillian stood up from her chair.

Alex had decided to take a walk to clear her head. Her mind was stuck in an endless circle of thinking about the financial situation of the "Box" for the holidays, or Lillian, or the other way around over and over again. When she was out, however, her focus drifted to the surroundings: buildings, weather, people. She wasn't so much lost in her head that way.  
She had been walking for over an hour when she decided to stop at a coffee shop and treat herself to that festive hot chocolate that most of the coffee shops had at this time of the year. She didn't even notice how she had entered the "Coffee Shack", a place of Uni memories.  
The place was fairly empty, with only few people hiding in the darker corners of the cafe, most of them with their laptops. When most coffee shops would play Christmas music, the "Coffee Shack" resorted to playing basically whatever, Hayley Kiyoko's "Palace" currently reminding Alex of the past summer and all that had happened in so little time.  
Hot chocolate in hand, she took a seat near the window. Alex enjoyed observing the everyday commotion outside: cars and people rushing to different destinations, most of them ending up at the same ones since it was quite a small town, even though it was thought of as a city. But then again, Alex enjoyed the coziness of the town. It was coziness that helped her maintain most of her friendships, well, at least the most important ones.  
She had sipped away through half of her warm beverage when a figure sat down next to her.  
"Hey! You're Alex, right? The barista from the "Box of Conversations"?" Alex heard a high pitched voice chirp her name.  
"Yeah. That's me." Alex turned to face the girl addressing her.  
"I'm Hailey. I've been quite a frequent customer of yours lately." The girl smiled warmly.  
"Pleasure to meet you." Alex smiled shaking Hailey's outstretched hand.  
Washed Out's mellow voice is lulling in the background with "Weightless".  
"So. What brings you here?"  
"Well, let's just say I've gone tired of my own coffee." Alex smiled.  
"Interesting. Though, taking from my experience, change is good sometimes." Hailey smiled back.  
"You're not cheating on my coffee, are you?" The blonde asked teasingly.  
"Oh no! I could never!" The brunette chuckled. "I'm talking more relationship wise. I've always been that person that was determined that the only way to be happy was to have a girlfriend. Yet, I only truly understood happiness when I let go of that determination." She takes a sip of her own drink.  
"You know what's funny. You've been talking to me about relationships for three straight sentences, but the one thing that stood out to me that nothing about that is straight." Alex smirked.  
"And that's something I've always liked about you, how easily you would pull off a good joke. Not that I've been stalking you or anything." Hailey shot a glance at Alex from under her forehead while taking another sip of her coffee.  
"Nah, I know. I'm an observer, too. Though, lately I see myself more as an idiot and a coward."

"I'm gonna go to bed. I'm beat." Stacey yawns. They had been watching "Gossip Girl" for the past two hours.  
"I think I'm gonna go for a walk. Need to clear my head, and my stomach after all of that ice cream." Lillian gets up from the couch.  
"Oh, good idea. I'm gonna be an ass to myself and let all those calories sink in while I lay in my sweet warm bed."  
"I'd wish, though. I still need to see somebody tonight."  
"Sure. Just please don't get killed." Stacey smirks sarcastically. "It is pretty dark, after all.  
"I won't." Lillian began to head for the hallway to put on her shoes. "Oh, and I'll leave a message, if I decide to stay over at their place, just so that you wouldn't worry too much."  
"Uh, damn girl, planning on a sleepover?" Stacey lifts up her eyebrows suggestively.  
"It's just a friend." Lillian chuckles.  
"That's what they all say." Stacey smiles.

"Is it because of that other barista who had worked for a summer some time back, and then would visit occasionally."  
"Wow. You've been a fan longer than I have pegged." Alex raises her eyebrows at Hailey.  
"Well, I've also been a fan of more than just the coffee." The brunette proclaims confidently.  
Alex's lower jaw drops a bit. After a few seconds of shock, a smile spreads across her lips.  
"Damn. You're smooth. To tell you the truth, I did get a bit thrown off by your large glasses." Alex tried to keep her composure.  
"Just because I'm blind doesn't mean I lack confidence." Hailey chuckles. "It also doesn't mean I'm completely oblivious to what's going on."  
Washed Out "It All Feels Right" changes up the mellow mood into a more upbeat one.  
"You mean with Lillian? Yeah, well, I'm not sure that's going away any time soon." Alex begins to pick at her nails.  
"And as much as I like you, I'm gonna let you sort yourself out. You're amazing, don't get me wrong, but I don't want just pieces of you. I want the whole Alex the Great." Hailey smirks.  
"Woah. Pretty and smart." Alex's smile slowly shifts in a concerned frown. "Wish I could return it."  
"You will. Just not right now." The brunette smiles warmly. She leans in and presses her lips on Alex's right cheek. "Who knows, maybe I'll stick around till that time."

Jordan had been watching Alex Standall getting beat up for the past minute. 13 Reasons Why had chosen to play Washed Out's "It All Feels Right" in the background, which totally contrasted with the content of the scene and the happy chill vibe the song gave away. Somehow, all of the TV shows Jordan had been watching to take her mind off of Lillian just kept doing the opposite - reminding her of the younger blonde just more and more. Even now Jordan had been feeling like Alex Standall for the past minute and a half, her feelings beating her up just like the other guy had been beating up Standall. And the music even seemed right for the occasion now, knowing how Lillian actually made Jordan feel all warm and happy inside. When she would think of Lillian, or when she was around her, everything actually did feel right. But then she would end up alone with her thoughts and feelings, and the beating up scene was back in action, as she felt "punches" thrown to her stomach and chest.  
Jordan took a large chug of her hot chocolate, with little marshmallows floating on the top of the cup this time. The only thing that could deliver a final blow, a blow that would scream "Fatality" if it was "Mortal Combat" would be if Lillian would actually show up at the doorstep right now. After that there is no telling what would happen, as the possibilities are endless. But that was not gonna happen.  
After Lillian had left her job at the "Box" she began to come in more and more rarely at the cafe, not to mention chilling at someone's apartment. When she did actually still work there, they would have occasional hang outs at each other's places. In total, Jordan's apartment had seen Lillian twice. Even now, after she had come back to the squad, hang outs outside the "Box" were rare. Everyone was busy with something, engulfed in their everyday troubles. Besides, Lillian was busy with Uni, and had a roommate, and certainly several Uni friends, because, come on, it was Lillian. There's no way she'd-  
Jordan's train of thought got interrupted by a knock on the door. No way, it can't be. Jordan's heart began beating so insanely fast that it seemed like it was gonna jump out of her chest any minute now. Slowly, she approached her front door. One look through the peephole, and Jordan felt her heart sink to her feet. She went through all of the locks with her right hand, finding Lillian standing on the other side of the doorstep. It was evident that the younger blonde had been crying.  
"Can I come in?" Lillian asked with a tearful voice.  
"Yeah, sure." Jordan answered her with a nod of the head.  
That was the only answer Lillian needed to throw herself into Jordan's arms and to begin heavily crying. Jordan had caught her in a tight embrace, as she shut the door behind them.


	14. Chapter 13

"Chocolate cappuccino." Lillian handed the cup of coffee to Lyndsey.  
"Thanks." Lyndsey smiled with a quick nod.  
It was early July, the bright summer sun shining through the large windows. Along with the light it brought heat as well, meaning everyone was sweating like hell. Leaving the front door wide-open didn't really help much, either.  
"Jordan, can you check on the ice, please. We're gonna need lots of it, for sure." I came in bearing a large box from the storage room.  
"On it." Jordan nodded and went to the back.  
Jess was also hanging out with us. She had finally gotten some time off grading. She had went through some seminars during June, as well as had multiple conversations with us during the past few months on shifting her career path a bit. Certainly, it was up to her, but in any case, all of us were gonna be very supportive of her decision. She had been chilling in the "Box" for the past two hours with an iced green tea reading "Ana Karenina".  
After finishing up on her second year in uni, Lillian came over to talk about her coming back to work at the "Box". Of course, Jordan had to lightly tease her about it the whole day, but, in the end, both of us were happy to an extra set of hands, especially for the summer. On the first day of work Lillian brought in a "thank you" gift and a contribution to the vinyl collection. Now, the "Varsity EP" by ASTR was spinning on the record player. It had also become the most favorite album of the summer, as it would play almost non stop. "Blue Hawaii" was jamming out with its light beat.  
"We should be okay for the next four hours." Jordan had come back from the storage room. "After, we'll need to recheck. Knowing the flow of customers after four o'clock, we might need to restock sooner."  
"Got it. Thanks." I nodded.  
"So. Since I chose to roast here over the summer, what are some of your plans for vacation?" Lillian asked leaning on the counter with her elbows.  
"Well, none for me and Alex. You're stuck with us." Jordan smirked at Lillian.  
"Jess?" Lillian turned to the person who had been the most calm for the most time.  
"Todd might take me to visit his old friend Phil for like two weeks. After that, I have no idea." Jess responded taking her eyes off the book.  
"Chad's probably getting a few weeks off in August. I had been wanting to go to Venice for some time, but he really wants to go to Verona."  
"Does that mean he wants to "find your Verona"?" I joked referencing a Eurovision song. Jordan burst, literally, into laughter, Lillian and Jess giggling along. Lyndsey, on the other hand, shot me a glare/glance, but it was evident that she actually did appreciate the joke from the smirk she gave me.  
"Yes. In fact, that's exactly what he eagerly awaits to do." She spat out with a smile.  
"Make sure to send some pictures when you "find your Verona"." Lillian added with a sly smile.  
"Oh, you can bet on that." Lyndsey chuckled.  
"Chad tends to come up with some "great" vacation destinations sometimes." Jess proclaimed.  
"Oh man!" I began laughing. "Do you even remember how Lyndsey and Chad met in the first place?"  
"Do I?" Jess smiled. Lyndsey didn't say anything, just glared at the two of us.  
"Something tells me that's a great story." Jordan smiled.  
"It is." I answered.  
"Should I do the honors or should you?" I asked Jess. "I'm sure Lyndsey is gonna take a pass on it."  
The record had switched to "R U With Me" by now.  
Lyndsey continued to glare at us.  
"I'll give a solid intro, and then I'll leave the best part for you." Jess informed me.  
"Gotcha." I nodded smilingly.  
"So. Picture this." Jess began, turning her attention to Lillian and Jordan who listened attentively. "We were after our second year of uni. I scored a cheap five day trip to Sydney for three people, so I invited Alex and Lyndsey to tag along. It was our first vacation together and all of us were very excited." Jess took a sip of her green tea. "The flight was pretty chill, with a few jokes and funny bits here and there. We got off the airplane, got into a cab, and ended up at the hotel an hour later. Checking in went clear, apart from two guys staring curiously at us. And by that I mean, one of them intensely checking Lyndsey out. After, we were lounging each in our rooms." She took another sip after clearing her throat. "I believe that's your cue, Alex. And could I please get some more green tea."  
"I'm on it." Lillian answered.  
"The three days passed calmly. We did tons of sightseeing, we got to enjoy lots of tasty food." I began, but got interrupted by Jess.  
"Our Instagram accounts were flooded with pictures." Jess added.  
"Did you get to try Vegemite?" Lillian asked working on Jess's drink.  
"We did." I nodded.  
"And all of us hated it." Lyndsey added.  
"The funny part of the story happened on the night of our third day in Sydney. We were beat tired after spending the whole day on foot, so all of us went to bed comparingly early. The later story is a paraphrasing of what Lyndsey told us the next morning." I took a sip of iced water. "Lyndsey was fast asleep. She was know to be a heavy sleeper, so any minor noise was not even registered by her ears. Meaning, she did not hear when Chad, drunk and totally disoriented because of his wasted state, staggered into her room and fell on the bed, or right on top of her, speaking more precisely."  
That was when Jordan and Lillian erupted in hysterical laughter. Even me and Jess laughed, most probably from the other two laughing so hard, triggering us in a chain reaction of laughter. Lyndsey smiled awkwardly. Smiled because the sight of us choking from laughter was contagious, but the trauma from the actual experience was still there with her after all this time. After all of us regained our composure, with a few sighs and rubbing of tears from Jordan's side, I continued with the story.  
"Lyndsey spent the night with Chad laying on her. Certainly, she was hella freaked out, in addition, totally confused, as the majority of time they spent in the dark. So Lindsey didn't quite understand what had happened until the sun began to rise. Her panic subsided a bit, and rose even more when she recognized the guy, as he was the same guy that had been eyeing her at the reception desk. Of course, she began analyzing the situation, thinking that this was probably some sick joke or it might have been his plan all along. When Chad did wake up, with a massive hangover, even he freaked out when he saw that it wasn't his room he woke up in and that the girl he had stared at before was in bed next to him, more precisely - staring wide eyed at him." I wrapped up.  
"Well that's one hell of a way to meet your future boyfriend." Jordan remarked.  
"Yeah." Lyndsey sighed. "But that's not all, actually."  
Lillian rose an eyebrow. I finished up on my glass of water. Jess took over with the storytelling.  
"After Chad had explained himself to a frightened Lyndsey about how he ended up in her room, he offered her an apologetic dinner at the hotel's restaurant. As for the mixup with the rooms, apparently Chad's room was one floor down, but since he was almost blackout drunk, certainly he mixed up the buttons on the elevator, didn't notice it, and managed to only stagger into the same direction as was his room, not paying much attention to the room number." Jess explained.  
"I accepted the apologetic dinner. But only on the condition that my friends would be there and would get treated to the dinner as well. I didn't quite trust strange guys that stagger into rooms at dark to go with them to dinner all alone." Lyndsey added.  
"And Chad was pretty cool about it. He already had sufficient funds, so to speak, and he had success with the firm. In fact, he was in Sydney on business matters." I remarked.  
"We all went to the dinner. We got a good meal. And Lyndsey and Chad got to talk and get to know each other better after Chad asked her to dance." Jess continued.  
"That restaurant had a live band. A live jazz band!" I intercepted.  
"Cool!" Lillian and Jordan nodded.  
"We got to talk with Chad's business partner and friend Brian while the two love birds were dancing." Jess added with a smile, getting a light punch on the arm from Lyndsey.  
"Brian filled us in on Chad and the firm. In the end, Chad got Lyndsey's phone number. He took her out on a couple more dates, as his firm's base was actually located here. And they've been together ever since." I concluded.  
"Wow!" Jordan smiled.  
"That's one hell of a story." Lillian remarked.  
"Yeah." Lyndsey sighed. "That's preppy business people for ya."  
All of us chuckled at the comment. The record player changed up the mood to a chiller one with "Hold On We're Going Home". Our later chatting got interrupted by Dave and Kerry.  
"Hey guys!" Dave greeted us.  
"Hey Dave! Kerry!" I returned the greetings, along with the others. "Coffee?"  
"Two chocolate frappes to go." Dave ordered pulling out his wallet.  
"Coming in a bit." Lillian nodded and went to work on the coffee.  
"Yo, Dave! Where are you and Kerry going for vacation?" Jordan asked leaning on the counter.  
Dave opened his mouth, as if to answer, but didn't say anything. He gave me a concerned look, to which I answered with a light nod.  
"We really hadn't thought about it yet. Especially, with the "Box" and all." Kerry stepped in.  
"Speaking of traveling, I have an announcement to make." I began.  
Everyone turned their attention to me.  
"I had thought about this lately, trying to come up with the easiest way to say this. But, in the end, I realized there is no easy way to say this. So, I'm just gonna be straightforward, then. I want us to split for some time." I declared.  
The shock on everyone's face, except Dave and Kerry's since they had been filled in about this weeks ago, was intimidating, to say the least.  
"Split?!" Lillian almost cried out. "What the fuck does that mean, Alex?" She furrowed her eyebrows. "I just got back to working at the "Box"!"  
"Yeah! The hell, Alex!" Jordan joined Lillian's side.  
"Well, what I meant was, I believe we should take some time to live our lives separately without the "Box" glueing as together. I've been doing this coffee shop thing for some time now, and I realized that I wanna try something else in my life. And I'm sure all of you would end up bringing some change into your lives, as well." I explained. "Like, Jordan, I'm sure you would use your degree in economics and would find an awesome job somewhere."  
Jordan didn't say anything, just lightly nodded with light traces of sadness on her face.  
"Let's just take a break. I want all of us to make the most of it. And, who knows, maybe after a few years we'll get together and talk about it, talk about our lives and what we have achieved." I concluded.  
"So you're gonna close the "Box" because of that?" Jess seemed furious and sad at the same time.  
"No. Who said anything about closing the "Box"? What if I hate those changes in my life and I'll need to come back and continue my barista magic? I'm just gonna lend it to safe hand for the time being." I reassured. "Speaking of safe hands, here they come."  
Everyone turned to the door following my gaze, where Danny was standing.  
"Hey Alex! Everyone!" He greeted us approaching the counter.  
"Danny?" Jordan stared at him in astonishment.  
"Nice beard." Lillian remarked about Danny looking as hipster as ever.  
"Thanks." He answered with a nod.  
"Hey guys!" Kelly and Becky, as well as Michelle came in after him.  
"Whoa! Everybody shoved up today." Jess remarked.  
"These guys over here will take over our beloved cafe for the time being." I continued. "Michelle said she'd help out with the management alongside Kerry and Danny."  
We all glanced at each other, Jess and Jordan setting off the chain reaction off crying.  
"Guys!" I felt the tears creeping up. "It's not the end of the world. I'll be leaving only at the end of August. We still have around two months of together time."  
"Yeah... But still..." Jess said wiping her tears. "Even though I get it, Alex. This will certainly benefit everyone. It's still sad, though. You guys are like family to me. It's gonna be hard without you."  
"We can still keep in touch, right?" Jordan asked.  
"Of course!" I smiled warmly.  
Jordan launched into a tight hug.  
"Group hug!" Jess cried out, and everyone smashed into a big hug.  
"So..." Lyndsey drifted off after everyone got near the counter again.  
"Month and a half." Jordan proclaimed.  
"Month and a half." Jess repeated.  
"Month and a half." I concluded with a nod.


	15. Chapter 14

It has been four years. Four years of separation. Four years of trying to live to the fullest. It was a lot, a long time, and it was nothing all the same. Alex, Jordan, Lyndsey, Jess, and Lillian. Every single one of them had been running, had been walking, and had been crying in a corner of a room with the lights down low. Each had a story to tell, filled with fireworks, sunsets and sunrises, as well as bruises, wounds and scars. But today wasn't about either of them. Today was about Dave and Kerry. Today was their wedding. It was a special day for everyone.

Jordan and Lyndsey eyed a silver classy BMW pull in to the parking lot.  
"Is that who I think it is?" Lyndsey proclaimed noticing the familiar figure in the drivers seat.  
"Guess so." Jordan said with anticipation for Lyndsey's guess to be confirmed.  
The car door opened. Out came Alex in a dark blue suit, white dress shirt, an expensive watch with golden accents, and, finally, black leather dress shoes. She instantly noticed her two friends and walked up to them.  
"Hey, guys! Long time, no see!" Alex tightly hugged both Lyndsey and Jordan.  
"Whoa! Look at you! When did you get so fancy?" Jordan smiled.  
"When wasn't I fancy?" Alex replied jokingly. The three laughed lightly.  
"Yeah. But, man, you look great!" Lyndsey pated Alex on the shoulder.  
"You guys look great, too." Alex smiled. "I mean, Jordan, fabulous pantsuit. Guess, I'm gonna have some competition in that department. And Lyndsey, stunning dress."  
The two nodded in acceptance of the compliments.  
"So, Alex, when do we get a ride in that cool car of yours?" Jordan smirked.  
"Probs, when we'll be heading for the lake house after the reception." Alex jiggled the car keys in her right hand.  
"Really?" The two said surprised.  
"Sure? Won't you guys need a ride? Who even brought you here?" Alex seemed a bit confused.  
"Chad. He's leaving for Vienna tonight." Lyndsey explained. "So, I guess, we will need that ride. Just somehow we weren't really informed how we're gonna get there. I've been to several weddings so far, but all of them had informed before how everything's gonna go."  
"That's because Dave's keeping everything a surprise. He probably won't bust my balls for this, but he had arranged the rides already, me being one of them. I know Danny's another one." Alex concluded.  
"Oh, okay." Jordan said casually.  
"Yeah. But how about a quick recap? How's life been for ya?" Alex smiled shoving her hands into her pants' pockets.  
"Well, I'm kinda engaged." Lyndsey lightly flashed her engagement ring. "Chad was extra romantic and took me on a two week trip to Paris. Certainly, he proposed in front of the Eiffel Tower."  
"Wow! Congrats!" Alex smiled excitedly.  
"Congratulations!" Jordan smiled, too. "I got to work at Google."  
"Google? Awesome!" Alex proclaimed. "Damn, guys. You've been living on the high end!"  
"Yeah, well, you haven't been really missing out on that, judging by your car." Jordan pointed out.  
"Yeah! Go on, spill." Lyndsey encouraged.  
"Well, currently I'm putting my communications degree to good use while working for Vans. I'm part of the advertising team."  
"Does that mean that those fancy leather shoes are Vans?" Jordan joked.  
"Yes, indeed." Alex shot back with a chuckle. "Yeah, and before that I traveled for a year, until I ended up in LA and stayed there for another year since I was involved in a relationship." Alex concluded.  
"A relationship?" Lyndsey seemed interested just in that part.  
"Yup. We dated for around a year, I had even moved in with her. In the end, it didn't really work out." Alex sighed.  
"Why? What happened?" Jordan asked concerned.  
"Yeah, well. I guess, I couldn't get over a certain someone..." Alex drifted off staring over Lyndsey's left shoulder.  
A quick pause ran between them, till the other two decided to turn around and find out what was captivating Alex's attention so much.  
Another group of guests had arrived. Danny had brought Becky and Kelly with him, and of course, Lillian. However, the way Lyndsey and Jordan reacted to Lillian's approaching presence was very different.  
Lyndsey smiled nostalgically and took a step forward to greet the group. Jordan stood steadily in her spot, her eyes locked on Lillian.  
Everyone exchanged hugs and greetings, then formed a, now, bigger circle of people to chat. Danny filled in most of the gang on how the "Box" was doing under his management. He reassured Alex several times, as well as Jordan, that everything was going smoothly. Kelly and Becky backed up his words. Lillian also kinda added to that, as she would visit the cafe quite often while she was still in Uni. She had been working for IBM for the past two years in their Human Resources department, courtesy of her father.  
As everyone kept on chatting and catching up on their lives, the third group had arrived. Todd was behind the wheel, Jess sitting next to him with Josh in the back. Soon enough, they joined the rest of the gang in conversation. Todd was still same old, teaching at the music school, while Jess had achieved a Ph.D. in English Language and Literature and went on to teach in the University, the same university she had graduated from a few years back. Only Josh had been keeping it quite small and had continued to work in the same IT firm as before.  
Time ran pretty quickly, as everyone had been catching up on what they had been up to these past couple of years. Soon enough, it was time for the reception, and everybody went inside the church to find a seat and witness one of the happiest days of their closest's lives.

After the ceremony everyone hurried down to the lake house, where the party was to be held.  
"Yes! We're finally getting a ride in your fancy car!" Jordan beamed.  
"Buckle up! This thing tends to have quite a kick." Alex said tinkering with her seat belt.  
"Mind if I Dj the radio? I heard it's gonna be a long ride." Lyndsey asked.  
"Go for it. Nothing mainstream tho-"  
"I know. We'll stick to retro tunes." Lyndsey nodded.  
"Because retro tunes are the best." Jordan agreed from the back.  
Alex backed out of the parking space and passed Todd, Josh and Jess, as the three were getting into Todd's car. Todd had a full trunk of vinyl along with the Dj equipment. Most of the vinyl was actually taken from the cafe, as some of the records held sentimental value to Dave. They quickly followed up Alex's car, with Danny's truck right behind them. Couple hours later, the party was in full swing.

Todd had slowed down things on the dance floor with Charlie Puth. Kerry and Dave had requested the "Nine Track Mind" precisely, since it was the album that brought them together.  
Some time back, Alex had asked Dave to get ahold of the vinyl. It was that day that Dave had met Kerry, since both of them were hunting down the same album. They ended up talking at the cashier counter, exchanging phone numbers and promises to meet up. The album found its home at the "Box of Conversations", and Kerry would come in numerous times to listen to it and enjoy some coffee. They would talk for hours, occasionally remembering how a vinyl had brought them together.  
People were either slow dancing, or lightly swaying to the music. Jordan and Lyndsey had been chatting and enjoying a couple drinks in a far corner of the tent, from which a perfect view of the whole dance floor and bar was seen. Lyndsey was in a deep conversation about Chad and the engagement. Jordan was an active listener, yet her gaze drifted towards Alex from time to time. Alex, on the other hand, chilled alone at the bar, sipping on a light cocktail. Her focus was all over the place, jumping from the dance floor, to Dave and Kerry enjoying themselves, to Todd at the Dj booth, to Lillian standing near the exit of the tent, looking out the window.  
"Does It Feel" began picking up the pace with the second chorus. As it moved into the breakdown, Alex took a final gulp of her drink, narrowed down her gaze on Lillian, and began walking towards her target. She was a step away from the younger blonde, when Lillian turned to face Alex, a flute of champagne in hand.  
"Hey, Al-" she began, but got interrupted by the crashing of lips on hers, while Puth was going all out on the last chorus.  
Lillian was caught of guard. Her eyebrows rose in surprise, and for a second or two she became frozen still. The kiss was fairly simple, as Alex only pressed her lips on Lillian's. It only lasted for several seconds, too. When Alex took a step back, she found Lillian still with a surprised expression on her face.  
"Always wanted to do that." Alex proclaimed looking straight at the shimmering pools of green. She took the flute of champagne from Lillian's hand and headed out of the crowded tent, leaving the younger blonde in the process of comprehension of the whole situation.  
Todd switched up the slow atmosphere to a quicker one by throwing Maroon 5's "Closure". Lyndsey still had been talking about Chad, while Jordan stared at the exit, through which Alex had just passed a moment ago.  
"I need some air." She said quickly, and headed that same way.  
"Sure." Lyndsey responded with a nod. She stretched a bit in her seat. "Ooh! champagne." She smiled to herself, taking a glass from a nearby tray.  
Jordan found Alex standing near the lake, staring off into the distance while sipping on what was Lillian's glass of bubbly a few moments ago.  
"Hey!" Jordan dashed on to Alex, grabbing her by the collar of her blazer. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" She kept on tugging.  
Alex dropped the glass, which shattered under their feet. In resistance, she grabbed on to Jordan's arms.  
"Me? I could ask you the same thing! Jumping me like that out of nowhere!" Alex yelled back at the brunette.  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about!"  
"Actually, I don't! So, if you would be oh so kind to enlighten me, I'm all ears!!"  
"What just happened! Back there, in the tent!" Jordan didn't brake eye contact for a split second.  
Alex's eyebrows rose for a moment as the realization of what Jordan was referring to hit her.  
"I kissed Lillian! That's what happened!" Alex responded.  
Jordan's grip tightened even more, her eyebrows furrowing into a tight knot. For a fleeting moment, Alex noticed the brunette's eyes shimmer in the dark. Their faces were an inch apart, when Jordan let go of Alex with a suppressed growl of anger and a push. She turned away mumbling "I fucking hate you!" to herself. Alex let out a heavy breath, but now she was pissed.  
"Oh, no! You're not getting away that easily!" The blonde jumped Jordan from behind. "Not after all of that!"  
"What do you want?!" They were right back at each other.  
"Oh, I don't know! How about a goddamn straight answer to all of this!" Alex shook Jordan by her shoulders. "What the hell is wrong with you, Jordan?!" Alex shouted, but her face was pure concern.  
"You wanna know my problem?" Jordan said calmly.  
"Yes. Yes, I do." Alex answered just as calmly.  
"You." Jordan answered coldly. "You're my problem."  
"I don't believe you." Alex tried her best to contain the shock from Jordan's answer.  
"Well... You better believe it. I hate you!" Jordan spat out. "After four years, you're the one that opens up my old wounds. I fucking hate you!"   
"It's about Lillian, isn't it?" Alex finally spoke after calmly hearing out the accusations. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"  
"You're gonna make me say it out loud, won't you?! Okay. Fine! I'm in love with Lillian! There! You happy now?! I. Love. Lillian."  
Alex felt an approaching figure from her right. She turned her head and found Lillian staring at Jordan, her face coated in seriousness. Lillian's mouth was slightly agape, it seemed like she was going to speak, but remained silent. Jordan's gaze followed Alex's, witnessing the person she wanted to talk to the least right now. Alex disentangled from Jordan's grip.  
"I'm gonna leave you two to talk." Alex nodded at Lillian and headed back to the tent.  
"Ah, shit." Jordan mumbled and rubbed her eyes with her left hand.  
"How long has it been going on?" Lillian asked with a serious, yet slightly shaky voice.  
"Since the first week of work." Jordan answered, staring at Lillian's hands, not being able to face her.  
"Jesus, Jordan!" The blonde sighed, rubbing her eyes with her fingers. "You had been keeping it in for years?!"  
"Yes." Jordan finally lifted up her eyes. "I don't need your pity."  
She was about to walk away, passing by Lillian as their shoulders gently brushed together. But Lillian didn't allow it. She caught Jordan by her left arm, eventually turning the brunette around to face her.  
"If you think that's what I'm gonna give you, you don't know me very well." Lillian proclaimed calmly.  
A pause ran between them. Then, Lillian continued.  
"Remember when Alex had invited us for dinner at her place? I was after my first year in uni, and all of us yelled at each other, except Lyndsey who was hella calm the whole time. That night, when you left and I stayed over to help out Alex with the dishes, we had a talk. Alex came fully clean to me on how she felt about me. And, in the end, it wasn't pity that I felt or provided for her. It was friendly support. God... She cried like a kid that time, and I kept on hugging her tightly the whole time. I didn't say a word, I just knew she needed to let it out. And, I guess, what I'm trying to say is... I will never feel pity for you, Jordan. You don't need it, and you damn know it. I will, though, be a close friend." Lillian concluded. She smiled nostalgically. "I missed you these past few years."  
"Me too." Jordan smiled back. She didn't try to suppress the tears now, jumping into Lillian's embrace. They stood like that for a couple of minutes, Jordan crying and Lillian stroking the brunette's hair. The blonde planted a kiss on Jordan's head. When Jordan stopped crying, Lillian patted her back.  
"Come on. Alex might be kissing Lyndsey by now." She smiled.  
"Or even worse. What if it's Danny." Jordan chuckled.  
"He did get quite a bit to drink, though." Lillian furrowed her eyebrows.  
They looked at each other, and hurried back to the tent.  
Nothing had changed much. Dave and Kerry were still dancing. Todd was raving out in the Dj booth to "Boogie Wonderland" by Earth, Wind & Fire. Jess, Alex and Lyndsey were chatting in the back with some drinks. Actually, Lyndsey was hella drunk by now, and Alex and Jess tried their best to keep her in check, and, most importantly, away from bar, on which she wanted to dance. Josh was keeping Kelly and Becky company, all three of them occasionally laughing. And Danny was at the buffet table, eating away at some rolls. He shot a glance at Lillian when her and Jordan came in, but resumed to munch on his food soon after.  
"You wanna dance?" Lillian suggested.  
"To "Boogie Wonderland"? Always!" Jordan headed towards the dance floor. Soon enough, both of them were lost in the rhythms of disco.  
Alex had shot them a few glances, a smile spreading across her face as she saw Lillian and Jordan enjoying themselves. She looked around the place and noticed Danny sitting alone.  
"I'm gonna go grab some food." Alex stood up and excused herself.  
"Sure." Jess nodded, as she had managed to lay down a drunk Lyndsey on nearby sofa.  
Alex sat beside Danny with a plate of salad.  
"Hey! How you've been holding up, Danny?" Alex asked.  
"Good, I guess." He swallowed a bite. "I'm glad you decided to keep me company."  
"Me too." Alex smiled taking a bite of her salad.  
She noticed Danny glance at Lillian, who was messing around and laughing along with Jordan on the dance floor.  
"At least someone's having real fun out there." Alex smiled.  
"Yeah. I'm digging this food, though." Danny smiled back.  
"I think we can make it more fun. You up for a plan, like good old times?" Alex lifted up her right eyebrow suggestively.  
Danny finished up on the last roll, swallowing what was left of it in his mouth.  
"Am I?" He smiled in agreement.  
After Todd had played a couple more songs, swaying lightly to Boney M's "Daddy Cool", he got approached by Alex and Danny. They exchanged a few sentences. He, then, proceeded to shuffle through the stack of records, pulling out one and handing the mic to Alex, who stepped up to the front of the booth. Todd gave her a nod and cut off the music. Soon enough, all eyes were on her.  
"I'm sure most of you are expecting a toast from me by now. But that's not why I'm here. I do, although, wanna thank Dave and Kerry for inviting us here tonight, and throwing one sick party." Everyone clapped, Danny and a few other guys adding some cheers and whistles.  
"But, anyway. I'm really happy to see my friends, especially after four years of separation, see you guys succeed in life and make the most out of it." Alex continued.  
She paused for a moment to align her thoughts in her mind. A small, but genuine smile spread across her lips.  
"Tonight I got a chance to get a taste of a dream I had kept with me for some time." She shot Lillian a glance. "I also got to attend a wedding for the first time in my life." Everyone laughed lightly. "However, I realized that it's not mine to keep. So, in light of this wonderful gathering, I want to gift one of my most anticipated wishes." She concluded. That was when Todd began playing "Careless Whisper". The whole crowd erupted in cheer. Dave and Kerry, as well as some other couples, began slow dancing. Even Lyndsey had awoken from her light drunk blackout and grabbed Jess, who clearly had not expected that move from her friend, to dance. Lyndsey was basically leaning on Jess, trying her best to stay on her feet, while Jess was very uncomfortable.  
"Jordan Reinhart. I want you to have this moment with a special person. My gift to you, bro." Alex patted Jordan on the shoulder.  
"Thanks, Alex." Jordan smiled and hugged Alex tightly. She, then, turned to Lillian.  
"Lillian Matthews. May I have this dance?" Jordan smirked.  
"Love to." Lillian smiled and took Jordan's hand. The two left Alex behind in the rhythm of a slow dance.  
When Alex got back up to the booth, she stood smilingly staring at her two closest friends dancing. She felt Danny's hand on her shoulder.  
"You okay? Letting up such a dance?" He asked.  
"I'm sure you would have done the same." She smiled back.  
"I totally would have." He responded. "I think I'm gonna ask Kelly to dance." He began getting down from the booth.  
"Sure thing." Alex nodded.  
"I think I'm gonna go grab a drink." She proclaimed to Todd.  
"Well, after all of that, my throat would be burning, too." He smiled.  
At the bar, Alex got greeted by Kerry.  
"Where did you lose Dave? Shouldn't you two be dancing together?" Alex smiled.  
"The amount of slow dances we had tonight..." Kerry drifted off. "I was actually more concerned about you. That was one hell of a speech you pulled off there, after which you shouldn't be drinking alone."  
"You wanna join me?"  
"I've got a better idea." Kerry smiled and pulled Alex on to the dance floor.  
"Slow dancing? Really?" Alex furrowed her eyebrows and smiled sarcastically.  
"Look on the bright side. You'll be able to brag later that you actually got to dance with the bride. And it was a slow dance to "Careless Whisper". If that's not a great story, I have no idea what is." Kerry explained placing her hands on Alex's shoulders.  
"Fair point." Alex nodded, putting her hands gently on Kerry's waist.  
It was some reunion. One to remember, one to talk about. Everyone had grown, and they had changed in the process. Things had changed this time. Everything had changed. But that just made life more exciting, more enjoyable and more awesome. They had a lot to catch up on, every single one of them, but that was left for another day. Tonight was to be enjoyed. Echoes of party and smooth 80s vibes drifted into the night, a bright full moon reflecting in the calm lake water.


	16. Chapter 15

"So what's the emergency, Dave?" I began while getting comfortable on a beanbag.  
All of us were at Dave's beach house. The gathering was called up to discuss an "emergency issue" as Dave had titled it, but none of us had any idea what it was or what was going on in general.  
"Yeah. I thought you guys would have taken some more time for yourselves, for the whole honeymoon and stuff." Lillian added.  
"Well..." Kerry drifted off for effect. "We actually didn't plan more for the honeymoon."  
"Shhh. Don't spoil all the secrets, babe." Dave smiled hugging Kerry's shoulder with his arm.  
"Nah. I'll leave the big one for you." She pecked his cheek.  
"So... Will anyone explain, why are we here?" Jess demanded.  
"We'll get to that. But first, I wish all of us would catch up on each other." Dave began. "It has been four years, after all."  
Everyone seemed kinda hesitant to Dave's hospitality. He had called up everyone straight after his honeymoon over something "urgent", and now was hesitating to talk about it. Instead, suggesting to talk about a topic that can take up all evening, was something none of us had expected from Dave. After some hesitation, and glancing at each other, most of us nodded in agreement with the idea. Even though we had no proper idea what was going on, it somehow felt right, just like old times, with all of the get togethers and barbecues at the beach house.  
"Hey, on the other hand, this is the perfect gathering for a reunion." I explained. "And when again will all of us catch up on our lives? We're all busy with jobs and new lives, and after all of this just gonna scatter each our own way. So might as well chat and enjoy the moment while we're here."  
"I agree." Danny added. "Besides, we've got snacks and a bonfire. Not to mention cozy seating."  
"Yeah, okay. I'm in on it, too." Jess smiled shifting a bit in her seat while roasting marshmallows. "You know me, I love campfire settings."  
"Beach fire." Lillian remarked. "If to be precise."  
"We got it." Jordan gave her a glance.  
"Backyard fire, I'd say." I furthered the conversation jokingly.  
"Oh my god, you're on this, too?" Jordan gave me a frustrated glare.  
"Oh, I sea what you did there." Lillian smiled at me with a motion to the water.  
"Back with the sea puns, are we?" Jordan looked frustrated at the both of us.  
"Speaking of sea puns, shell we go on with the reunion talk?" Dave shot back.  
"Ooh, nice!" Lillian smiled. Jordan just face-palmed and got very quiet.  
"Depends on who has the most to say." Danny remarked while munching on some chips.  
"I vote Lillian." Jordan said calmly. "Just so that there would be less sea puns for a bit."  
"I'll put sea puns in my story, Jordan. Just for you" Lillian winked at the brunette.  
"Oh god, why?!" Jordan lightly blushed and face-palmed once again.  
"But sure, I can go. Not that I've been living an exciting life lately. After the split I still had two years of uni. And after graduating, I got into IBM's Human Resources department through my dad's friend, who worked there. I also did my practicum there. So, after uni it was really a no brainer. I'd say I'm doing okay. Not that I'm ecstatic about the job or anything. Maybe it'll get better, as I get better with time at it. So, yeah. My life hasn't been really that much exciting lately." Lillian concluded.  
"IBM is kinda a big deal, though." Dave responded.  
"Yeah. I thought so, too. But then I got to work in it. And it's not that the job is shit. It's actually quite interesting. It's just the corporate crap that I'm kinda really sick of." Lillian explained.  
"I see." Dave nodded.  
"I'd like to go next." Lyndsey proclaimed. Everyone nodded and diverted their attention to her. "So, as most of you know by now, me and Chad got engaged. He's busy with work at the moment, as always. Some Baltic country that starts with "L", don't remember the name really."  
"Latvia?" Danny intercepted with a guess.  
"No. There's two, I think, there. The other one, I guess." Lyndsey remarked.  
"Oh, Lithuania, you mean." Jess answered with a nod.  
"Yeah. I think that's the one. Everyone remarked to Chad that he won't really get much out of it, but he went there anyway."  
"I'd really like to go there." Jess pointed out. "Actually, I talked with Todd about it, and he was really interested in their national instruments. So, we might just hit up some courses or something there."  
"Cool. But that's enough about Chad." Lyndsey paused for a moment. "Alone, I mean. Chad alone, without me."  
"We got it." Me and Jordan nodded.  
"Okay. Good. Anyway, we got engaged during our two week trip to Paris. Certainly, he did it in front of the Eiffel Tower and all. Apart from that, he's been very busy with the firm. And in fact, the last two years of investments have been finally paying off. We're also trying to spend as much time together as possible, considering work and stuff. I had switched through several psychology related jobs in the years, including working with kids and teens. In the process, I realized that that's what I'm gonna stick with. So, now I work in a mental health care center for kids." Lyndsey summed up.  
No one said much, just nodded lightly. A pause ran between us all.  
"Guess, it's time for me to bud in." Jordan sighed. "Not that I have anything fun to tell. I got to switch around jobs for the first two years, ones that matched my degree such as a finance manager in IKEA and did some fry lifting in McDonald's as well. I tried to find something that would best fit me. So, I ended up acquiring experience from different positions, and through an old uni friend managed to get into Google's economics team. I've been working there for the past two years. Just like Lillian, I'm not very excited about the job, and, I guess, I'm just using it mostly to show off." She concluded with an ironic smile.  
"Damn, guys! Change your goddamn jobs!" Jess proclaimed suddenly. "I ended up getting a Ph.D. in English and Literature, and went back to teach at the uni. Got sick and tired of teaching fourth graders, to be honest." She chuckled, receiving a few other chuckles and smiles from everyone. "In short, being a professor is awesome. I love it. I love my students. And, I guess, I was always more about lecturing than grading. So, I'm really happy about that. Josh and Todd wanted to go to India a year back, so they dragged me along. And there I got this." She turned around, took off her t-shirt to show us a large flowery mandala tattoo that covered half of her back.  
"Nice!" I proclaimed.  
"Sick, Jess!" Jordan smiled.  
"Awesome!" Danny along with Becky and Kelly nodded while enjoying some chips.  
"Yeah! And that's about it, I guess." Jess finished up.  
"Guess, I'm gonna be the dessert, huh?" I joked.  
"Oh, you betcha!" Lyndsey chuckled.  
"Great. But before I start, I must ask. Dave, is this Darius's "Utopia" album in the background?" I asked.  
"Sure is." Dave smiled.  
"Fabulous summer album." I gave him a thumbs up. "As for my story, I traveled around during the first year after the split. After, I had stopped in LA for a year, chilled in Santa Monica, to be precise. Worked in a Vans store. Realized I wanted more, and got into Vans's advertising team in New York. Been working there ever since." I summed up.  
"Wow! New York, huh? And do you like it there?" Jess asked.  
"Just like the most popular answer about work tonight, mine is gonna be similar. It could be better." I answered.  
"Then you three are gonna enjoy this part." Dave smiled at me, Jordan and Lillian. "Danny? Do the honors?"  
"Sure." Danny nodded. "This could be a long story, full of explanations and stuff. The short version, however, is: we need you guys back at the "Box". That's the most anticipated, important thing we had been keeping in tonight. And that's also the main reason why everyone is here tonight. Even though, it's also been a great reunion, and catching up on each other and all."  
"Let's just say, we've had doubts. But when you guys said that your current jobs weren't that great, we became certain on what to do." Kerry explained." We've tried our best these past four years. But as time went by, the changes in profit, not to mention the whole drastically changed atmosphere of the "Box", became evident. Things began...going downhill. And very quickly. All of us realized that the "Box" had become somethings else, completely different than it had been before, and not in the good way. It... It lost its touch. It lost that welcoming sense. And only you guys can save the cafe. So, Alex? It's your call."  
"Of course. Oh my god!" I didn't even notice how I began crying. Dave and Kerry came in for a tight hug. "Thanks! So much!" I nodded.  
"Thank you!" Dave smiled.  
"It was fun and all, but we just ain't that awesome at managing." Danny added.  
"I do want to make an announcement, though." I began.  
"Oh no!" Jess sighed. "Last time you made an announcement, the split happened."  
"Nah. You'll love this. I promise." I smiled. "I wanna get the "old" new crew on this, too. Extra hands are always great to have, and the more, the merrier. So, Danny, Kelly, Becky? You guys in?"  
"Totally!" Kelly proclaimed.  
"For sure!" Becky added.  
"I'm always in! You know that!" Danny smiled.  
"Back to the work that I love!" Jordan remarked. "Quitting Google for a coffee shop - best decision ever."  
"I'm gonna have some explaining to do to my parents. Explaining that I had wanted to do for years now." Lillian chuckled. "Glad to be back, Alex!"  
"Glad to have everyone back!" I raised my beer bottle. "Cheers!"  
"Chairs!" Lillian motioned to the seating furniture, and everyone toasted.

I couldn't sleep. The whole "reunion" thing got me excited alone, not to mention the idea of coming back to the "Box" with the whole crew. It was just to much to let me calmly sleep away. But lying around in bed wasn't really my thing either. So, I decided to go downstairs to get some water. I approached the kitchen sink with a glass in hand, and as I was about to pour in some tap water, I noticed Lillian sitting by the water alone through the kitchen window.  
"Hey! Can't sleep?" I greeted her with my Varsity jacket in hand.  
"Yeah..." She drifted off turning around to face me. "Too much on my mind, I guess." She proclaimed while returning her gaze upon the slow, calm waves. "Thanks for the jacket, by the way."  
"Don't mention it." I smiled throwing the piece of clothing over her shoulders. "I couldn't sleep, either."  
"I imagine." She chuckled slightly. "Getting the "Box" back and all."  
For a moment Lillian opened her mouth as if to speak, but remained silent. After a few seconds of silence, she closed her eyes and smiled to herself.  
"Even a few weeks ago, I could have only wished for it. And now it's actually happening." She confessed.  
"Yeah. Me too." I smiled.  
"We're having a moment." Lillian smiled slyly at me. "Sitting at the beach at night, you throwing your jacket over me, us talking about our hopes and dreams. The only thing that could perfect this would be a slow, chill tune."  
"Like the ones Dave played this evening."  
"Yeah. Exactly." She shrugged more into the jacket to save herself from a sea breeze, pulling her legs closer and wrapping her arms around them.  
"Well." I began. "If you reach into the right pocket of the jacket, you should pull out my phone. And the music should be there."  
"You're kidding?" She chuckled. "Although, I forget to whom I am talking to."  
She pulls out my phone, turns it on and goes straight to the music app. Quickly, she finds the "Utopia" album and pauses.  
"I just realized, there was this super chill tune, but I have no idea what it's called." She smiles.  
"I might need a more detailed description." I smile back.  
"Very calm. Um... Ambient synths and maybe guitars? Definitely had very slow simple drums, with clear cymbal patterns. Some vocals. And certainly some kind of ambience that gave it this almost cinematic feel. But I really can't tell what it is for sure, almost like vinyl static but it came in waves."  
"You mean this one?" I asked and pressed on "Bright Side" on the screen. As soon as the ambient synths and sounds of sea waves reached her ears, Lillian gave me an approving smile.  
"That's the one." She closed her eyes in delight and threw her head back gently swaying to the sound. "I'm putting it on loop and I don't care."  
A warm smile painted itself on my face. Simply because subconsciously I had always wanted a moment like this. For time to stop, even though I would see it happen all the time at the "Box". There was something magical about moments like that. How people would get lost in conversation with a cup of coffee, and how those conversations would stain the walls of the cafe with raw emotions. How after several years of the "Box's" existence it was more than just a coffee shop. It had become a sanctuary of friendly pleasure.  
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Lillian lifted her head up to look at the starry sky along with me.  
"Are you gonna comment again on how we're having a moment?" I remarked jokingly.  
"Maybe." She smiled slyly. "I never got to have a moment like this before. And now I'm having it with one of my best friends."  
"You mean to tell me that none of the guys you've dated ever took you to the beach to watch the stars?" I raised an eyebrow.  
"Nope. It was usually dinner or the movies. Guys kinda lack creativity, as I've noticed." Lillian concluded.  
She paused for a minute. Her gaze drifted towards the waves.  
"Maybe that's why I had a crush on Lyndsey for years." She proclaimed with furrowed eyebrows. "Because I wanted more. More than guys could give me..." She drifted off. "I'm babbling. Don't mind me." She proclaimed as she shook her head.  
"No. It's good. To talk about stuff, stuff that's hard to talk about, that we keep hidden in ourselves for long periods of time." I comforted.  
Lillian looked at me with eyes wide, the starry sky reflecting in the dark of her sea greens.  
"I'm glad that you told me." I smiled warmly.  
"Yeah, well. It's become quite unbearable lately. Especially, with you guys being away." She managed with a husky voice.  
"We're here now." I smiled. "But speaking of shit, we all have or had our share of crap in life, Lillian. I mean, who hasn't?" I began while staring at the waves as well. "The split was only partly related to me and you guys trying out different career paths. It was mostly for me to get over you."  
"And did it work?" She gave me a concerned look.  
"Not at first." I remarked. "Actually, it ended up being hella complicated. While I traveled I got to focus more on myself. Meeting new people, new places, new vibes. That kinda got me out of my bubble and I actually felt pretty awesome. And, certainly, LA was dope and all. I got a job selling my favorite brand of kicks. That was when I met Amber. Next thing you know, her friends were my friends and she was my girlfriend. I finally got to live out some of the moments I had only dreamt of for years. I got so caught up in all of it, that I lost track of when it all started going downhill. The more I think about our whole relationship, the more it seems to me that it could have been just a one big fat lie. Amber was the one to truly fall in love with me. I didn't love her at first. And that's how I ended up using her to get over you. But as time went by, and I had moved in with her after four months of being together, I had fooled myself into loving her. It felt right being with her, spending time with her, having moments like this, seeing her wake up next to me every morning. I got attached to it. So we ended up getting drunk on each other, intoxicated by what we gave each other. And it took only one night to ruin all of it." I paused for a moment. My mind began reliving that night. And although it was in the past, although my relationship with Amber was a lie, it still hurt to remember that night. "We were...intimate. And... I... I closed my eyes. I was high on all of it. And I said your name." I took a deep breath. Lillian didn't say anything. Not even her gaze had shifted from the waves. Only her furrowed eyebrows gave off a sign of concern. "After that it was all over." I continued. "I moved out. There was no point to stay in Santa Monica, so I left. I needed a complete change of setting. That's how I ended up in New York and working for Vans. After finding out that I've worked in one of their stores in LA, they didn't hesitate much on hiring me. Also, my communications degree came in handy, and, thus, I got into the advertising team. The cash started flowing in. I got to live the lush life. I got to focus on me. That was when you were no longer there in my mind. Neither was Amber, nor the pain. I had been so focused on work during the past two years, that only recently I had began to miss the "Box", and that the realization of me becoming a corporate robot because of my job had struck me. I needed that freedom back. I needed the "Box of Conversations" back. I needed to make coffee again and buy more vinyl for the coffee shop." I concluded with a smile.  
"So, the kiss at the wedding..." Lillian drifted off.  
"Was completely spontaneous." I finished the sentence for her. "I got a bit to drink, and you were smoking hot in that blue dress."  
"Gee, thanks." She laughed.  
"Don't mention it." I smiled. "As for Lyndsey, it's completely up to you where you wanna take it. Whatever it will be, I'll stand by it. Speaking from experience, I'd say give it time. Time will tell best on what to do. Besides I'll need you to focus on yourself, so that you can be one of the best baristas in town."  
"I'll try my best." She smiled back. "Funny how I'll need to have the "I'm an artsy person" talk with my dad. He's probably gonna be pissed, but after two years at IBM I don't really give a shit anymore. I ain't going back to being a corporate robot, either."  
"That's the spirit. Rebel!" I paused for second. "Wilson."  
"Pitch Perfect, really?" Lillian gave me a sarcastic glare.  
"Sorry, couldn't resist." I smiled. "I also just realized that I'm thirsty as hell."  
"Let's get back inside." Lillian stood up. "I'm getting kinda chilly by now."  
"Sure." I stood up as well. "I'll finally get rid of that craving for tap water."  
"God, you're on fire with the jokes tonight." Lillian lightly punched me on the arm as we began heading towards the beach house.  
"Shell I continue?" I smiled.  
"Now that's what I'm talking about." She smiled back. "Actually, we will sea about that."

"Hey!" Jordan greeted me shifting her focus off of the open fridge.  
"Hey! Sleep good?" I asked pouring myself a cup of coffee and taking a seat at the kitchen table.  
"I guess." She answered taking a carton of milk and pouring some of the liquid in a glass. She, then, took a seat at the table in front of me. "Saw you and Lillian chatting outside last night. What did you talk about?"  
"Life. The "Box". What we did during these past four years in more detail." I took a sip of my beverage. "Got me talking about Amber and New York."  
"Did you tell her about the-"  
"Yeah. I told her why me and Amber broke up. I probably told her more than I should have." I stared at a tiny crack on the table.  
"And how did she react?" Jordan sipped on the milk.  
"Fine, I guess. Didn't say much. But we ended up clearing stuff between us, stuff from long ago." I smiled sadly.  
"I see." Jordan nodded. "Listen..." She began, but drifted off. "You okay? But for reals. How have you been?"  
"To tell you the truth, Jordan, I have no idea. I know that I'm done with all of the relationship drama." I chuckled.  
"That's good." Jordan laughed as well.  
"I'm happy to have the "Box" back, that's for sure. I really missed just being a barista and coffee shop owner who's obsessed with vinyl and not some fancy shmancy corporate head with cash. And I'm also very happy to have you guys back. I've missed you a lot." I smiled.  
"I'm happy to go back to barista duties, as well." Jordan smiled.  
She paused for a moment, staring at the contents of the glass in front of her - a glass half empty of milk.  
"Listen, about what happened at the wedding-" she began but I cut her off.  
"No need for apologizing, Jordan. I acted spontaneously." I explained.  
"I did, too. I have no idea what came over me that night."  
"Lillian, I guess." I smiled sarcastically.  
"Got into both of our heads." Jordan chuckled.  
"Yeah. With her sexy blue dress." I furrowed my eyebrows.  
"And her model body." Jordan added.  
"Took the words right out of my mouth, bro." I nodded  
We looked at each other and laughed. Funny, how that night we were at each other's throats, but now we were laughing about it.  
"Idiots." Jordan rubbed her eyes.  
"Yes, we are." I nodded. "No more fighting? Especially, over Lillian?" I outstretched my hand to Jordan.  
"No more fighting, bro. Not over Lillian, not over anyone, or anything." She shook my hand in agreement.  
We paused for a moment. Jordan finished up on what was left of her milk and went to make some fried eggs. I decided to stick with cereal for breakfast. After some time, we were back at the table, munching on our food and talking about music.  
"But I tell you." Jordan took a bite of the fried eggs. "If you can get one of the Aces's albums, that's a summer hit for sure. It's gonna be playing nonstop. No one can resist indie/pop rock."  
"I'll definitely look for it. Jess had told me about Harry Styles's self-titled album and how much it's a banger. And then I also thought about getting something with summer chill vibes, like Muna or Miami Horror. So, I definitely have some vinyl shopping to do."  
"Dude, Miami Horror's "Illumination" album is the bomb!" Jordan nodded eagerly.  
"I kinda expected that reaction from you." I smiled. "Maybe I'll drag Lillian along to the vinyl shop. I've noticed she has that summer chill taste for music."  
"I wonder what Lyndsey listens to. She never talks about music." Jordan remarked.  
"Back in uni she used to go with anything, basically. She did point out that my vinyl collection at home is missing a Queen album a few times. But in a more precise sense, I have no idea what she listens to." I shrugged. "And that gives me an idea to drag her along to the vinyl shop, as well. Thanks for the heads up, Jordan."  
"No problem. Just kinda crossed my mind, that's all." Jordan finished up on her eggs.  
"Man, almost forgot. Kerry had recommended the "Man About Town" album for the "Box". Said it would go great with the mood of the coffee shop." I took a bite of my cereal.  
"Mayer Hawthorne? Dude!" Jordan proclaimed. "Ideal cafe music, I'll tell you that."  
"Then that's the priority, I guess." I smiled. "I got to listen to his older album. So I caught Kerry's hint on "perfect music for a coffee shop". Don't know about the new one, though." I paused for a moment. "I believe I'll need you at the vinyl shop with me."  
"Any time, bro. Let's just get everyone and have a group hang out at the vinyl shop. You know, bonding time after years apart." Jordan suggested.  
"Love the idea." I smiled warmly.  
"Awesome." Jordan smiled back.  
"Hey guys!" Lyndsey greeted trying to rub away the sleep from her eyes.  
"Hey Lynds! Sleep good?" I asked.  
"Yeah, fine, I guess." She went on to make a sandwich. "How about you?"  
"Good." Me and Jordan answered in unison.  
"Hey Lynds! When's the wedding, by the way?" Jordan asked smiling.  
"Ugh! No idea." Lyndsey shook her head. "You know Chad. He's always away, busy with work. And I'm sure we have two different opinions about the "perfect wedding", so we'll need to sort that out. But whenever we'll settle on something, you guys will be the first to know." She winked and took a bite of her sandwich. "Speaking of Chad, I need to call him and see if he's still alive in wild Lit-Lith-Li- Oh fuck it! If he's still alive there!"  
We heard Lyndsey mumble to herself "I hate that fucking country's name!" as she walked upstairs. I went back to finish up on my cereal.  
"I still wonder what she sees in her." Jordan whispered to herself.  
"What?" My head shot straight up. I had caught her of guard, witnessing the panic in her eyes.  
"Nah! It's nothing." She tried waving it off.  
"Oh no! You ain't getting out of it!" I smirked. To ease off Jordan's stress and panic, I decided to burst the bubble myself. "You're talking about Lillian, right? Lillian and Lyndsey?"  
"How do you know about that?" Jordan asked, light confusion painted on her face.  
"Lynds herself told me. It was long ago, back when Em had skyped Lyndsey. She, apparently, had told her a lot of things. It was a bit too much for Lyndsey, so she told me." I explained.  
"Oh. Lillian had told me herself, actually. It..." Jordan drifted off.  
"Was too much for her, too." I finished the sentence for her. "Yeah, I bet."  
"That's what you talked about last night, didn't you?" Jordan addressed me. There was concern in her eyes. There was concern in my eyes last night, as well, but it was different. My eyes didn't burn with it.  
"Yes. We did talk about it. And I can tell you for sure, it ain't going good." I reached out to pat her hand. "I'm sorry, Jordan."  
"Nah, I'll be fine. You were in the same boat as me, Alex, and somehow you got out. Guess, I'll get out, too. I'm more worried about Lillian, actually. The whole engagement and the wedding that's coming up. It's gonna be a lot for her."  
"And that's why she needs good friends around." I remarked with a nod. "Especially, then. I know you love Lillian. I'm also sure that it's more than I could have ever loved her. And as a friend, I'll stand by any decision you'll choose to make."  
"Do I even have a choice, though?" Jordan smiled sadly.  
"You have several, actually. You can leave us, go on to live a completely different life-"  
"I tried that. Didn't work. Besides, that's an insane idea, when I had dreamt of coming back to the "Box" these past four years."  
"And that's what I thought. But I'm not done yet." I continued. "You can try and go for it. I know it seems a bit insane, but it is an option. And finally, you can redirect all of that love you have for Lillian. Some of it leave for yourself, love and care about yourself more, concentrate on becoming a better you. And most of it use as friendship love, especially when Lillian will need it. In the end, it's up to you."  
"That's a lot." Jordan gave me a look of worry. "And it seems hella complicated and hard."  
"It's not easy, I'll tell you that. But I'll tell you what I told Lillian last night: everything takes time."  
"Sort myself out and be patient. Got it." Jordan sighed.  
"You're not alone in this, Jordan." I smiled.  
"Thanks, Alex." She returned the smile. "Well, this got depressing. And on a nice, sunny morning like this!"  
"It sure did." I chuckled.  
"Hey! What are you guys talking about?" Lillian addressed us entering the kitchen.  
"And here comes the sunshine." I whispered to Jordan.  
"You!" I proclaimed. "Who else are we to talk about?"  
"Really?" Lillian smirked.  
"Yeah!" Jordan joined in on the conversation. "How can we forget that stunning dress of yours from back at the wedding?"  
"Damn right, bro!" I smiled teasingly. "And those legs!"  
"Legs toned to perfection!" Jordan chirped.  
Lillian ended up choking on some coffee. She gave us a glare after regaining her composure.  
"Assholes." She mumbled sarcastically and went back upstairs. Me and Jordan just laughed.  
"Serves her for parading in those pajama shorts." Jordan chuckled.  
"Even though both of us kinda enjoy it, don't we?" I added with a smile and a raised eyebrow.  
"Damn right!" Jordan fist-bumped me.


	17. Chapter 16

"Jess!" I greeted her from behind the counter. "Green tea, as always?"  
"Yup!" She nodded. "And make it a large. It's so fucking hot today!"  
July. Four years ago we had split. But now we were all back together, and the "Box of Conversations" was better than ever. Business was going great, the crew was in full swing. And to top it all off, Miami Horror's "Illumination" album was on the record player filling the cafe with the most perfect summer vibes.  
"Is Chad and Lyndsey drinking hot coffee?" Jess asked surprised while fanning herself with the bottom of her tank top. "Wait! Scratch that. Chad is drinking coffee?!!"  
"Yeah." I began smiling. "They're on a date. And the empty cup of espresso belongs to Chad. They're drinking cappuccino now."  
"I believe Chad is broken." Jess snorted.  
"Or just getting ready for married life with Lyndsey." I added.  
"Now that you put that out, I think that's exactly what it is."  
"Hey guys!" Jordan greets us stepping out of the storage room. "So Alex. We seem to have enough ice for at least a couple of hours."  
"Awesome." I give her a thumbs up.  
"Is Chad and Lyndsey still drinking coffee?" Jordan smirks. "Especially Chad?"  
"I know, right?" Jess buds in. "Totally caught me off guard."  
"Hey! Sorry I'm late!" Lillian rushes in for work.  
"Actually, you're early." I remark pointing at the large clock. "Like, ten minutes early."  
"It's my damn watch!" She sighs in frustration. "It's been quite glitchy lately."  
"Todd could check it out for you. He's really good at that stuff." Jess suggested.  
"Thanks, Jess. That would be awesome." Lillian nodded and disappeared in the storage room.  
"Is it just me, or does she seem a bit out of sorts?" Jordan asks.  
"No. I kinda get that vibe, too." I answer crossing my arms on my chest.  
"I feel like I'm missing something here." Jess stares at us confused. "Are you keeping stuff from me? Again?"  
"You'll find out about it, eventually." I reassure Jess.  
"Secrecy. Okay." Jess takes another sip of her tea. "Actually, I've had enough drama at work this year. I don't need more."  
"Drama?" Jordan smiles.  
"It's nothing, really." Jess begins. "There's this guy that teaches calculus at the uni who's been hitting on me for two months. Thank god it's summer and I don't have to see him for three months."  
"You don't like him that much?" I laugh.  
"You haven't seen him." Jess gives me a look. "He's a total geek. And he keeps bugging me with numbers and math stuff, which, in his logic, is "interesting topics to attract someone's attention"."  
"Got it." Me and Jordan nod.  
"Hey guys! Whatcha talking about?" Lillian squeezes in between me and Jordan throwing both of her arms over our shoulders.  
"Not much." I begin. "Jess has a secret admirer at work."  
"Really?" Lillian smiles. "Is he cool?"  
"If you think that wearing plaid brown dress pants and trying to woe someone with numbers and theorems is cool, than, yeah, he's very hip." Jess answers sarcastically.  
"Oh!" Lillian pauses for a second. "Eww!"  
"What, Lillian?" I smirk at her. "You don't find math knowledge sexy?"  
"Dude? Math?" Jordan looks at me. "Math is boring af. But as soon as someone starts throwing some geography... Now that's hot. All those tectonic plate shifts and stuff. Seeeexy!"  
Jordan's joke cracks me and Jess up. Jess is basically dying from laughter with one of her really big laughs. Lillian just shoots us a few glares. Her gaze shifts for a split second towards Chad and Lyndsey. Instantly, her facial expression gets clouded with concern.  
"I'm gonna go check up on the ice in the back." She proclaims and quickly scoots off into the storage room.  
"Didn't you guys just check the ice?" Jess remarks sipping on her green tea.  
"I did." Jordan answers calmly and follows Lillian into the back.  
"I Look To You" finishes up on its last chorus.  
"I'm gonna go put on a new record." I step out from behind the counter. "Mayer Hawthorne. What do you say?"  
"I say it's great cafe music." Jess gives me a smile.  
"See, that's exactly how Kerry talked me into buying his new album." I point out jokingly.  
"Well, she has a point." Jess finishes up on her tea. "Also, can I get another one, please?"  
"Coming right up!" I answer her placing the needle of the record player on the vinyl.  
"Fancy Clothes" comes up. I go on to make Jess another large iced green tea. Jordan and Lillian come out of the storage room and continue their chat in the far end of the counter. I notice Jordan trying her best to shift Lillian's focus off of Lyndsey and Chad.  
"Hey!" I get distracted from watching the two.  
"Hey!" I turn my attention towards the greeting and smile at Hailey. "How've you been?"  
"Good." She smiles leaning on the counter. "Missed you."  
"Jess!" Todd and Josh come into the coffee shop. "Hey Alex!"  
"Hey you!" I wave to them. "Anything off the bat?"  
"Two iced chocolate mochas." Todd orders for the both of them.  
Jess joins them at a table the two guys occupy in the far back of the cafe.  
"By the way, Alex! Great music!" Todd adds.  
"Thanks." I respond while working on their drinks. "And what will you be having?" I address Hailey.  
"I could really go for that mint mocha right about now." She smiles.  
"Coming in a jiffy then." I smile back placing the iced chocolate mochas on the counter in front of Josh.  
"Thanks." He smiles and takes them away.  
"So." Hailey begins while I work on her coffee. "How did those four years go by? I wanna hear all about it."  
"Good." I smile. "Got to experience new things. And after all of it, I realized I belong here." I pause for a moment. "As did, apparently, the others." I conclude glancing the other way where Jordan and Lillian, as well as Chad and Lyndsey were.  
"I see." She takes a sip of her coffee. "I noticed you're over her."  
"Yeah." I trail off a bit. A warm smile spreads across my face as I notice Jordan trying to make Lillian laugh. It's not really the action, but this glisten in Jordan's eyes that causes my response.  
I sharply turn to Hailey who's halfway through her coffee.  
"What are you doing Friday night?" I ask her leaning on the counter with one arm.  
"I hadn't anything planned. But, I guess, now I have." She smirks.  
"Great. Would six work for you? There's this Chinese place that opened up a month ago."  
"Sure, six is perfect. And Chinese?" She lifts an eyebrow sarcastically.  
"Well, we could go to McDonald's if you'd prefer." I smile teasingly.  
"Wow! Smooth!" She laughs. "No, Chinese is great. I had wanted to check that place out myself, actually."  
"You just really wanted to make that remark, didn't you?" I shake my head smiling.  
"Yup." She smiles back. "Also, this was to test your humor. And I'm glad to see that didn't go away." She takes another sip. "I really missed you, Alex."  
"I missed me here, too. But now I'm back and I ain't going anywhere any time soon. And I also totally thought about you." I lean on the counter.  
"Thought about me? I hope those were nice thoughts ."  
"They were." I smile. "They helped me sort myself out, actually. Helped me get back here."  
I glance at Jordan and Lillian and notice Lillian stare at the direction where Lyndsey and Chad are sitting. Her smile fades for a second or two. I notice crumbs of concern in Jordan's facial expression. A faint echo of their conversation reaches my ear and I hear Jordan asking "Lillian? You okay?". Lillian snaps back to reality and brushes it off. "Yeah. I'm fine." I hear her say. She looks into Jordan's eyes, pauses with parted lips, just for them to shift into a dreamy smile. Jordan gets caught a bit off guard as Lillian kisses her.   
"I see those two are getting along." Hailey proclaims with a sly smile.  
"Yeah." I begin in a concerned tone without taking my eyes off of the two. "Guess so."


	18. Chapter 17

It's been a week. A week since Lillian moved in to my apartment. That day back at the cafe when both me and Alex noticed that she was out of sorts, Lillian told me the reason. I had followed her into the storage room. I saw her shoulders beginning to shake. And when I wrapped my arms around her, she turned around and pressed herself against me. I felt the saltwater collide with my skin of my bare collarbone. Lillian was chocking on her own tears. After she calmed herself down and freshened up at the sink, the words of pain and agony hit me like bullets. Lillian had been disowned by her parents. The refusal to work at IBM and in "some stupid, hipster filled" cafe instead was the first, and a pretty deep, for that matter, crack in her relationship with her dad. The final crack was him finding out with whom his daughter had been hanging out.  
The situation she was forced to be in wasn't pretty. She couldn't stay in the apartment she had been renting since uni because it wasn't a cheap one, and her parents had been the ones to cover most of the rent so far. Therefore, she was technically left homeless. Getting more shifts at the "Box" wasn't really an option either, since Alex had the schedule carefully planned out in advance and rarely made changes, and even if Lillian would have come up with a bit more money, it would not have saved the situation. Her only option was to crash with someone. Thus, I immediately offered her to live with me.  
I have no idea what came over her some time after our conversation but we ended up kissing. Lillian kissed me first. I returned it. It was...an experience, something I had only dreamt about for years. And now it had become a reality.  
We had been lounging around in the bed for hours now. It was our day off that we decided to bask in each other. Slow music in the background and the curtains lightly flowing from the warm summer breeze, we exchanged soft touches and kisses with the sun illuminating our eyes and skin with its rays.  
It was something else - Lillian's eyes. They were beautiful, certainly, but touched with sunshine they were...extraordinary. Complemented with a smile, they were pulling me in with an unspoken force, a force I had never experienced before. I stared away at her pools of sea green, not losing sight of them for a second. It amused Lillian, to the point that she tried tickling me. It didn't work, for her advantage. I ended up pinning her down to the bed with my full weight, the messed up boho themed covers beneath us. Lillian smiled widely, out of breath and showing off all of her pearly whites. She bit her lower lip, and the sight, along with her golden blonde locks spread out under her, made me wanna kiss her.  
I got beat to it. She basically jumped me with a kiss, knocking me over on the bed. We exchanged a few kisses while laying on our sides, then, moved on to cuddling.  
I reached for my phone laying on the floor near the bed to change the song. Pulling it up into view, I pressed "next" several times on the screen stopping at Billie Eilish's "ocean eyes". We laid in silence, letting the song pick up the pace a bit. When it reached the chorus Lillian smiled.  
"Ocean eyes? Really?" She ran her fingers up and down my right arm that still held the phone.  
"Too cheesy?" I asked smirking.  
"No." She moved her hand to cup my face. "It's perfect."  
Our lips gently grazed a couple of times. Lillian stroked my lips with her thumb after, her gaze jumping from my eyes to my lips, a smile never fading away.  
"Kiss me." She whispered. "Again and again."  
And so I did. We kissed. Again and again. Until we ran out of breath. We smiled at each other like happy idiots.  
She, then, placed her head on my left shoulder, sliding her fingers again down my right arm, apparently just to put Stateless's "Bloodstream" on loop.  
"I love this song." She breathed into my neck.  
"I love this song with you next to me." I felt my grip tighten on her waist.  
"I love this song with you next to me like this." She added with a smirk. This is begging to turn into a game, and from her narrowed gaze I can tell she's enjoying it.  
"I love this song with you next to me like this and wish we could stay like this forever."  
"Dammit." She swears quietly.  
"What? Can't keep up?" I tease her.  
"I love you more than I could ever love this song." She finally proclaims seriously. "More than I could love any song."  
"Lillian, I..." I begin, but get shushed with her forefinger on my lips.  
"Don't." She says softly. "Just look at me. Look at me the way that you do. Like I'm the only one in this whole wide world."  
We pause. For a minute. For two, three, five. For more. We're lost in the moment and have completely lost track of time. It's one of those moments when time doesn't exist or it has stopped. We just lay in comfortable silence.  
"What are you thinking about?" I ask Lillian. She had been staring at the ceiling for the past five minutes silently.  
"How much I miss them." She answers flatly. I sense the suppressed pain and emotion behind that tone of her voice. "My parents."  
She snuggles more into me, her nose grazing my neck. Her left arm was flung across my chest, as I felt the brushing of fingertips on my shoulder, just like her left leg spread on both of mine in a lightly bent position. I wrap my arms around her. We lay silently for a few minutes savoring every bit of the moment. The sensation of Lillian's heartbeat echoes in my head, her breath lingering on the sensitive skin of my neck. It's something else, something I have never felt before. I feel her inside me.  
She pulls away, moves her left hand to cup my face and leans in for a kiss. All of it feels like it's playing out in slow motion. It's gentle, pure, yet mind numbing to me. Our lips barely touch at first, as they move into a graze. I feel my right arm lock on her waist, pushing her body closer to mine. She gives in to the contact and actually kisses me, slowly and sensually. It's only a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime. She draws back a bit, leaving only a little more than an inch between us.  
"I don't know where I would be right now without you, Jordan." She whispers softly, her orbs of sea green looking right into my soul.  
"I know I would be lost without you around." I whisper back.  
Lillian's eyes move away from mine, almost in a guilt like manner. Even her head begins to shift away, but I don't allow it by placing my forefinger under her chin and gently stroking it with my thumb. I use this maneuver to regain eye contact.  
"You okay?" I ask concerned.  
She pierces me with her eyes once again, as her lightly parted lips move into a forced smile.  
"I'm fine." She answers. "Just..." She drifts off. "I..."  
Her uneasiness is torture to me. I can't stand her suffering, so I cut her off with a kiss. Cupping her face to deepen it, I feel her hands on my back. One of them slips into my hair while our bodies entangle. With every touch it gets more heated. Her lips move to my chin, my jaw. Her breath caresses my neck along with kisses that graze my skin. I'm so lost in the moment that I don't even notice how my hands creep up her t-shirt, her body's warmth intoxicating me even more.  
Suddenly, I feel something wet and warm drip down my neck. Lillian's nails dig into my shoulders as she begins to cry. It's one of those heavy cries since her body begins to shake in my embrace. I don't try to stop it. We both know she needs this. Needs to let go of the flood that has been suffocating her for days.  
"How do you think Alex went through it when her parents disowned her?" She manages barely while choking on her tears.  
"I'm sure it was insanely hard." I begin stroking Lillian's hair. "Especially, since she was alone. But even then, she pulled through."  
Lillian lifts up her head to look into my eyes.  
"Which is why you'll get through it." I continue. "You're not alone. We're here for you, all of us."  
She nods in agreement, trying to suppress another wave of tears.  
"I love you." I whisper leaning on her forehead with mine.  
"I love you, too." She tries to crack a smile.  
I begin to wipe away her tears and lean in for a kiss. She returns the gesture.  
"How about I make us some cocoa and order a pizza? And we'll have a movie night on the floor. Your pick." I offer getting off the bed.  
"I would love that." She smiles. Genuinely this time.


	19. Chapter 18

Alex was checking the cash register when Jordan came into work that Saturday morning. She looked a bit groggy, mostly because she binged the last season of Orange is the New Black in one sitting.  
"Yo dude," Alex was about to greet her fellow worker, but got thrown off by Jordan's mushy state. "You okay, dude? You don't look so good." Alex said with concern.  
"I binged Orange is the New Black last night." Jordan answered in this throaty tone. "And I didn't have any coffee this morning."  
Alex's face switched from concern to a pure horrified state.  
"How are you even standing right now?"  
Jordan leaned in closer to Alex until their faces were only a few inches apart, and, again, in her throaty voice proclaimed: "I have no idea."  
Alex patted Jordans right shoulder.  
"Go change, bro. I'll fetch ya that coffee."  
"Thanks." Jordan replied with a slight bow of her head and went to the back of the shop, where the storage space was located.  
She passed a few boxes, finally reaching the cozy corner of the storage room dedicated for coat and belonging storage. It was only a corner, so you couldn't call it a locker room. But it did have several lockers.  
Jordan took out the bulky set of keys, shuffled throw them finding the one belonging to her locker. With an easy twist of the key in the lock the metal locker door was open. She took off her coat and her backpack, taking only her phone, as well as the keys. When the items were securely placed in her pants' pockets, she headed towards the counter to start work.  
She was greeted with a steaming cup of coffee placed on the counter. Alex was chilling on the bar stool next to the coffee machine, tinkering with her phone. Jordan took that initial sip of the coffee and immediately relaxed. Only after the sixth sip did she noticed something different at the "Box".  
"Are you playing Hayley Kiyoko?" Jordan asked with furrowed eyebrows but a smile on her face.  
"Yeah. Is it too gay?" Alex shot her a glance from under her forehead.  
Jordan opened her mouth to say something, but eventually kept silent with several more sips of the coffee. She stared at Alex. Something was different, but she really couldn't tell what exactly. Alex was being Alex.  
Suddenly, Alex giggled. She lifted her head to look at Jordan.  
"Lyndsey's making Chad go lingerie shopping."  
"No offence to him, but he really doesn't seem like the type that understands lingerie much." Jordan said downing what's left of the coffee and turned towards the sink to wash the cup.  
"That's what I told her a million times. But then Lynds suggested dragging me with her instead. After that I shut up on major comments."  
"Wouldn't you be excited, though? You'd get to stare at all of that expensive underwear." Jordan proclaimed with a smirk.  
"I would, if it would be on a hot girl. This is Lyndsey we're talking about. Don't tell her I said that. I'm gonna probs go anyways, cuz I'm a good friend." Alex concluded.  
Jordan found herself thinking about lingerie. She recalled all of those Victoria's Secret Fashion Shows Alex would hype about. She thought what it would be like to wear expensive underwear.  
Once again, she caught herself staring at Alex, who was probably still chatting with Lyndsey, since she was smiling at her phone.  
"What if it was me?" Jordan finally asked.  
"'It was you' what?" Alex seemed a bit confused.  
She turned off her phone and placed it on the counter, addressing Jordan with a serious look.  
"What if we went lingerie shopping?" Jordan asked leaning on the counter with her left arm.  
"We, as in, you and me?" Alex returned with a question and a smile on her face. "Jordan, are you sure it was just TV show binging you had last night?"  
"You know I don't drink!" Jordan exclaimed. "But yeah, why not?"  
Alex shifted a bit in her seat.  
"Dunno, didn't really peg you as a lingerie person." Alex answered with a smile.  
There's something about that smile that made Jordan uneasy. It's confident, charming even.  
"What?" Alex asked.  
"What?" Jordan got awoken from a daydream.  
"You gave me a stare, like you were picturing me in lingerie right now."  
There's that smile again. It's not just how her lips curve into that smile. It's also how her eyes light up.  
"Maybe I was." Jordan said with a smirk.  
"Well that's a sight for sore eyes." Alex chuckled.  
"How about I'd be the judge of that." the phrase was out before Jordan could stop it. Damn, Jordan, what the hell are you doing?  
Alex froze in her seat. Her jaw dropped basically to the floor, eyebrows raised and eyes wide open. It was something the blonde would have never expected from the brunette, and it totally caught her off guard.  
"Woah, dude. How about we slow down there." Alex raised her hands in a "hold up" motion.  
"What if I don't wanna slow down!" Jordan spat out confidently. "What if want more."  
Hayley Kiyoko's "Wanna Be Missed" in the background did not help the situation, to be honest. Jordan continued.  
"Every time you talked about Lillian or Emily, I listened. I was there for you. But you never gave a thought to why I stood so strongly beside you. You never stopped to think what all of that talk about your crushes meant to me. You just kept going on. And, yet, I listened. Calmly and quietly."  
Jordan paused to regain her composure. Alex was quiet the whole time. She held firm eye contact, nevertheless.  
"Em drove you crazy. And, as you were hurting, I was hurting, too. But Em went away. And the hurting, both yours and mine, eased off. However, then there was Lillian. Made you lose your shit. Unfortunately, unlike Em, she stayed around. I would watch you follow her around with your eyes, laugh wholeheartedly at her jokes, smile widely at her. Every moment I wished, at least once, you'd feel like that about me. Look at me, smile at me like that." She concluded.  
"Jordan, I-" Alex began, but got interrupted.  
"Don't." She shushed the blonde with two fingers on her lips. "Don't explain. Just let me have this."  
With that Jordan pushed Alex against the counter and, with one hand in the blonde's hair and another on the shoulder, kissed Alex fiercely. Alex, however, instead of pulling back, in response wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist and drew her closer. It started out passionately, but got more sensual along the way. Jordan drew her lips along Alex's jaw, her neck, feeling the blond's pulse beat beneath the skin with her lips. Their lips slowly stroked together, invitingly parting for their tongues to get acquainted. Lost in the heat, Alex's right hand wandered off downward and grabbed on to Jordan's left butt cheek, lightly squeezing it. The brunette, in response, dug her nails into Alex's shoulders, releasing a light moan into the deep kiss the two were sharing. Pulling away for breath, Jordan caught the blond's lower lip between her teeth, lightly tugging on it. Alex flashed one of her charming smiles in response while her other hand found its way to the brunette's other butt cheek. Cupping Jordan's butt with both of her palms, Alex pulled the brunette in, making sure her right thigh was in between Jordan's legs. The other girl gasped loudly from the unexpected contact downwards, but, with a sly smile, responded just as quickly by sliding her right hand into the blond's hair and crashing their lips together. With an even more fiery passion than before their tongues caressed each other. Alex tightened her hold on Jordan's buttocks with a tighter squeeze this time, pulling the brunette closer, consequently making Jordan grind on Alex's thigh. With every lean in to deepen their kiss, the contact downwards deepened as well, making the brunette moan passionately.  
Suddenly, with a deep inhale Jordan pulled away.  
"God," she breathed. "What are we doing?"  
"I thought you wanted this." Alex smiled. She lifted her hand to move a few loose strands of hair from Jordan's face.  
"I-I... I don't know anymore." She refused to meet Alex's eyes. "And what about Lillian?"  
"What about Lillian?" Alex cupped Jordan's face with her right hand and gazed into the pools of dark brown. The blonde's eyes were glazed with dreaminess. The smirk complimenting her facial features did not help Jordan concentrate, as well.  
"What about Lillian?!! Are you kidding me?!!!" The brunette spat out in panic. "We're still together! What if she finds out?!"  
"So what if Lillian finds out?" Alex said calmly. "Who cares if Lillian finds out. It's just Lillian."  
"Lillian. Lillian! Lillian!!!!"  
"Huh? Wha-?" Lillian jumped up snapping back to reality.  
"I need you in the back." Alex instructed while standing next to her.  
"Yeah. Sure." She answered still a bit disoriented.  
"Good." The older blonde followed Lillian into the storage room with her gaze, arms crossed on her chest.  
"Jesus, what the hell was that girl daydreaming about?" With a deep sigh Alex thought to herself while lightly shaking her head.


	20. Chapter 19

"Alien" by Sabrina Carpenter and Jonas Blue was finishing up playing on my earphones. Hailey was fashionably five minutes late. However, in my habit to show up ten minutes early, I had been standing for about fifteen minutes by now. Leaning on a vintage-styled light post, I tinkered with my phone. The bright summer sunshine caressed my face with its warmth. My eyes were protected by large grey-tanned sunglasses that reflected the world around me. A light blue blazer with its sleeves pulled back allowed just enough sunlight to tan my forearms. On my left wrist, as always, hung the rainbow bracelet, as well as a watch on a bulky white armband. Under the blazer I sported a white t-shirt with a palm tree print on it. Burgundy dress pants and creme-colored lacquered dress shoes completed the outfit. I also chose white socks with palm trees on them to match the t-shirt.  
NOTD's "I Wanna Know" filled my earphones with Bea Miller's husky voice. At that moment I turned my head to the left and saw Hailey approaching me. She looked stunning in a yellow summer dress with short sleeves that got lightly covered by her loosely curled hair, a small golden necklace with a tiny heart pendant hanging from her neck. The dress was loose down from her waist, which was complemented by a skinny light pink belt with a golden lock on it, to her knees. She chose light pink low top vans to match the belt, as well as a small clutch that hung from her right shoulder. The song definitely emphasized her appearance, making the whole scene play out like we were in some cheesy rom com. Everything felt like it was playing out in slow motion, making Hailey not walk, but float almost along with her flowing dress and hair. With my mouth agape slightly, I stared motionless at the sight that revolved in front of me. I switched back to reality only when Hailey was like three meters away from me. Quickly, I switched off the music, pulled out the earphones out of my ears and stuffed everything in one of the back pockets of my pants. I also moved the sunglasses from my eyes to the top of my head.  
"Hey stranger!" She leaned into a hug with a warm smile on her face.  
"Hey you!" I responded hugging her back. "Ready for that walk in the park? And maybe some ice cream at the end of it?"  
"With you - always." She answered locking our arms together.  
"Great!" I smiled placing the sunglasses on the tip of my nose.

Suddenly, it started raining. It was the end of July, so it was one of those summer rains - large drops of water in high quantity hitting the ground, lifting the dust into the air and uncovering the smells of summer. In mere seconds the air smelled like asphalt, earth and greenery.  
Fortunately for me and Hailey, a grocery store was near by. So we sprinted towards it for cover. The store was one of those small shops filled with all kinds of stuff. You'd have food, but you could also find school supplies, batteries and toys. We stood near the large window next to the door and for a second or two stared at the heavy rain.  
"It's not gonna stop any time soon." Hailey proclaimed. "We should try and find an umbrella in this place."  
"Good point." I agreed. "I know a cafe a few blocks away from here. We can head towards it after."  
"Settled." Hailey smiled at me.  
She ran her hand through her slightly damp hair. The gesture encouraged me to do the same. I also shook my head a bit to fluff my hair a bit. As for the umbrella, we were in luck to find one only two shelves away passed the toy section. It was a larger umbrella, something we were exactly looking for, decorated with a plaid grey print with accents of pink and purple in line form.  
After a quick purchase we were out the door and into the pouring rain. I held the umbrella in my left hand. Hailey was slightly leaning on to me with her arms wrapped around my left one. The slight height difference played to our advantage, as both of us were safely hidden from the vivid dance of raindrops.  
The walk to the cafe took quicker than it usually seemed. Soon enough we were sitting on Scandinavian styled furniture - a table and two chairs made out of rough wood - near the window, the heavy summer rain painting silhouettes of shadows on the glass. Both of us got hot chocolate, and since this was the "Caffeine Lounge", it was their special hot chocolate with a whipped cream sprinkled chocolate topping. Additionally, since it was the "Caffeine Lounge" there was a live band jamming some chillhop in the far corner of the cafe. They played a lot of saib. tracks, which went great along with the rainy weather. After "West Lake" they're later choice was "Rainyway".  
"Ironic." I smiled at Hailey.  
"How so?" She asked taking a sip of her hot chocolate.  
"The tune they're playing right now is called "Rainyway". And it's pouring outside." I answered, my gaze drifted towards Hailey's nose and a tiny bit of whipped cream stuck on the tip of it.  
"You're right." She chuckled. "That is ironic."  
"Too bad you're on the other side of the table, or I could wipe that whipped cream of your nose right now." I smiled warmly.  
"At least you didn't let me walk around with it for the rest of the day." She returned the gesture rubbing her nose on her palm.  
"Wouldn't allow it." I leaned back in the chair and smiled. "Especially not on a day like this."  
"It's our third date. It's not really "that special" by now." Hailey remarked.  
"Every second spent with you is special to me." The words came out naturally.  
Hailey threw me a happy grin. It made me smile even more.  
"Yeah. But nothing will beat our first date, though. Especially when you tried to eat with chopsticks, but failed miserably." She chuckled.  
"And you loved my misery." I narrowed my eyes at her.  
"I did and I still do." She smiled charmingly.  
The music changed to "urtha1", a tune originally by sugi.wa featuring heavy jazz vibes.  
"I think it stopped raining." Hailey pointed out looking out the window.  
"Great." I responded. "We can then continue our walk."  
"Especially with the sun out." She smiled staring at the clouds pierced by sun rays.  
She took another sip of her hot chocolate. The song was nearing the end as the guy that managed the effects reached for the mic.  
"Hey everyone! Hope you are enjoying your evening! We are IzzaMuzzic, and here are our members!" He pointed to the rest of the band with his outstretched arm.  
"Drake! The beats master!"  
The guy running the drum machine saluted while throwing in a bit more percussion to the mix.  
"Brandon! Our piano virtuoso!"  
The piano virtuoso stood up lightly from the heavy wooden piano and did a small bow. He dropped in a quick improvisation of a couple of seconds.  
"Kyle! The guitar expert!"  
Kyle strung a few notes on the electric guitar.  
"Jason! The bass genius!"  
Jason twirled the contrabass and jammed in a few vivid bass strokes.  
"Finally, we got Luke! Our brass extraordinaire."  
Luke squeezed in a tiny riff on his trumpet, finishing it off with a wide bow.  
"And then there's me - Max! Lead vocals and effects" the guy with the mic concluded the introductions. The song had stopped by now.  
"Thank you all for coming out to listen to us! We appreciate it enormously! But don't rush to leave just yet! We still have one last song for you."  
Max placed the mic on the stand and played a vinyl loop with the help of the effects machine. Kyle stepped in a second later with light chords of the acoustic guitar. He played eight tabs, with Brandon jumping in with a light piano melody. After eight more tabs, the song kicked in with Drake managing the beat and Max hitting it off with the vocals. From the first line, I recognized the actual song. They did an amazing chilled cover of Coldplay's "Adventure of a Lifetime". The song kept on gaining pace, now with Jason adding some bass and Drake dropping in a couple of cymbal patterns. The tune continued varying between the instruments as the song went along.  
Apparently, I got engulfed by the band, that I didn't even notice Hailey staring at me the whole time with a warm smile on her face. I got distracted by the gentle brushing of fingertips on my left wrist. Immediately, my eyes shot towards my arm. It wasn't just my arm that got brushed, it was the spot where my tattoo was as well. For a moment I got lost in the moment, caressing Hailey's fingers with my gaze. She went on to carefully slide through the birds, only to approach the barbed wire in black ink. Her movements slowed down. The strokes were delicate, almost as if she might get cut by the barbed wire herself.  
She was approaching the pulse point, reaching the bottom of the tattoo, as my eyes shot up to meet hers. She was too consumed by the act that she engaged in to even notice me address her with my gaze, but the composure and the care I saw in her face did not disappoint either. On the contrary, it painted a warm smile on my face.  
By now she had reached my palm, and as her hand was about to slip out of mine, I caught her fingers with mine, securing them in gentle hold with my thumb. At that moment she lifted her eyes to address me. It took her a second, but she did manage a smile.  
"Can't imagine what you had to go through to be wearing barbed wire on you wrist." She began.  
"It was my wrist or my heart." I responded.  
I felt her lace our fingers together, a warm smile and a soft gaze complimenting her facial features.  
"Thank you for having us. Have a good night!" Max proclaimed after finishing the song. With that, the band emptied the stage.  
Most of the people started to scatter, a few stuck around to enjoy the coffee. A couple of teenagers sat down in front of the piano, the same one that Brandon was sitting at only a few moments ago, and began messing around with a few chords.  
"You ready to go?" Hailey addressed me with an outstretched hand, pulling me back to reality from watching the two teens.  
"Yeah." I smiled taking her hand.  
I grabbed the umbrella and we were out the door with our fingers interlocked. The sun was making its way quickly down.  
"You're gonna have to show me where you live." I proclaimed staring ahead.  
"Why, isn't someone feeling stalker-ish today?" Hailey shot me a sly smile.  
"Ha ha. Very funny." I remarked sarcastically. "I was actually going to walk you home."  
She paused for a moment. I felt her gaze roam my facial features for a few seconds. She, then, went on to squeeze my hand lightly leaning on my side.  
"I'll navigate." She smiled looking in front of her.

After wandering through several blocks, we approached Hailey's home. We stopped at the entrance of the apartment complex.  
"This is me." She turned around to face me. "Thanks for the lovely evening. I really enjoyed it."  
"You're very welcome." I smiled charmingly. "I really enjoyed our time spent together, as well."  
We paused for a moment gazing into each other's eyes. A confident smile stretched itself on Hailey's face. Slowly, she got closer to me till our bodies were only inches apart. Reaching on her tiptoes, she cupped my face with her right hand and gently pressed our lips together. A delicate kiss, it lasted only a couple of seconds, till Hailey pulled away smiling. She took a few steps towards the door, but stopped and swiftly turned towards me.  
"See ya later stranger." She proclaimed with a smile and disappeared behind the heavy metal door.  
I stared at the door for a couple of seconds before turning the other way and, with a wide smile on my face, heading home.


	21. Chapter 20

I came into the cafe at fifteen minutes to five on an empty Friday for an evening check up. It was early August, a month that proved itself to be full on beach. That was exactly where everyone was and why the "Box" was basically empty. However, the sight that greeted me did not disappoint.  
I had a business talk with Jordan and Danny a few weeks ago about them taking charge of a few shifts during the week. That job had usually been my responsibility. Although I liked to have order and clear organization, I decided to let some democracy in. Danny had already experience during the split. Jordan was new to managing. Nevertheless, she was a quick learner. Two weeks in she had already the hang of things. The "Box" was in good hands, and I had more time for myself.  
Me and Hailey had gone out to grab some ice cream. We also got to enjoy the nice weather during a walk in the park. Our walk stretched out and somehow we ended up a few blocks away from the coffee shop. We decided to visit our friends, as well as check up on how they were doing. The sight was exceptionally remarkable. Or summarized in one word: it was "lit".  
Jordan was behind the counter, engaging in aggressive head-banging. Lillian was in front, broom in hand, jamming out on her "broom guitar", as well as jumping around with motions of head-banging. Her hair was loose, like usually, and all over the place, for that matter. Jess was also there, rocking out on a table on her knees with improvised dance moves, one of them being holding out her pinky and thumb in a "telephone" pose, shaking her hands and sticking out her tongue. Harry Styles's "Only Angel" was blasting full out.  
Actually, me and Hailey had already been expecting some kind of wondrous spectacle, as Harry's music had been filling the whole neighborhood through the open cafe door. Neither of us was expecting a rock and roll vinyl extravaganza.  
"Oh. My. God." The words came calmly out of my mouth. "Hurry, babe, grab your phone while this still lasts! We might not get this ever again!!!"  
Without much hesitation I took out my phone and began filming the "rock stars". They were so into it that they noticed us only after a minute or two. Hailey had been giggling the whole time, after taking a couple of pictures, of course.  
"Oh shit!" Jordan was the first one to spot us. "Guys! Guys!!!" She tried, but was unsuccessful as the music was too loud. "GUYS!!!!!!!" Only when she began to shout and wave her arms to her fellow dance mates did Lillian snap out as well. The two were awkwardly staring first at us, then at Jess, who was still pretty much lost in the groove.  
Eventually, we did get through to Jess. After I lifted the needle off the record, in the process stopping the music. Immediately, I regretted my decision because of what hit everyone's ears.  
"SHE'S AN ANGEL! MY ONLY ANGEEEELLLLL!!!!!!!" Jess "sang".  
"Oh my god!!!" Jordan's face expressed numerous questions targeted towards Jess's musical capabilities.  
"Jesus!" Lillian held tightly to the broom, as it would help her probably lightly bleeding ears.  
Hailey stood immensely stiff. She stared at me wide-eyed.  
I, on the other hand, was addressing Jess with intense eye contact, despite my own bleeding ears, or rather the PTSD of the occurrence that I won't be able to wipe from my memory. To everyone's relief, Jess snapped back to reality pretty quickly after I cut the music.  
"Oh!" She began, slowly getting off of the table. "I brought in a contribution to the "Box's" vinyl collection. The cafe was empty, so we decided to try it out. One lead to another. And... Here we are."  
"Well," I began with a sigh. "I'm happy for the contribution. Second, the "show" you guys put up was the bomb. And third, I had never heard you sing since uni days. So that was pretty nostalgic, even though I'm pretty sure you murdered my ears."  
"How about everyone's." Lillian intersected.  
"Imma sorry." Jess apologized with a sweet pout.  
"Consider yourself forgiven." I smiled. "I actually forgave you whatever you were doing when I heard what you were playing. Thank you a lot for the album, Jess."  
"Don't mention it." She smiled back.  
"By the way," I turned to my two baristas. "How have you two been holding up?"  
"Pretty good." Jordan began. "Not much traffic, so no problems."  
"I believe we're still fully loaded on ice." Lillian added.  
"Then I'll use up some." I took a seat in front of the counter. "Get me a chocolate iced mocha. You want anything, babe?" I turned to Hailey.  
"I'll have the same." Hailey took a seat near me.  
"And can I have an extra large ice green tea. Please and thank you!" Jess took a chair from a nearby table and seated herself next to us.  
"Coming up." Lillian went to the back for some ice.  
"You guys had fun?" Jordan addressed me and Hailey while firing up the coffee machine.  
"We did." Hailey smiled. "Went for ice cream-"  
"Went for a walk." I finished the sentence.  
"Ended up somehow here." She continued shooting me a glance.  
"Scored free front row seats to an epic rock and roll show." I concluded. "I should get you fired for that. And Jess - banned. For that horrible singing of yours." I chuckled. "But since I value you as employees and friends, I'll let ya stick around."  
"Good to know." Lillian sarcastically glared at me while coming out of the storage room with the ice.  
"Next time, at least close the door. And the cafe." I instructed. "'Cause I ain't advertising live music. I don't wanna mislead our customers."  
"Got it, boss." Jordan saluted after providing the beverages.  
"What do you guys say we close up shop early and head to the beach? I don't think we're gonna get many customers anymore today." I suggested.  
"We can take my 4x4." Jess added taking a sip of her tea.  
"Since when do you have a 4x4, Jess?" Lillian shot Jess a glance.  
"Since Todd and Josh got me one. Open roof Jeep. Full on beach car. Come on guys, you in or you IN?"  
"I'm definitely in." A familiar voice reached me from the door. "Only after I get a coffee, though."  
"No way!" I beamed before even turning around. I knew exactly who that was. "Jennifer! Damn, it's been ages!" I lunged into a hug. "How've you been, gurl? Busy with politics, I imagine."  
"Busy beyond belief." Jennifer smiled back. "Quebec, apparently, is very busy with their politics. I only got some time off like a week ago. Done with the latest campaign. So, I decided it was about time to visit you guys. Get a cup of that amazing coffee I've been hearing rumors about."  
"Choice well made." I smiled. "Pick something out and we'll get ya fixed in a jiffy."  
"Chocolate iced mocha would be really great right now." Jennifer made her choice.  
"On it!" Jordan smiled and got to work.  
"How about we move to a table?" Jess suggested.  
"Good call." I agreed. "The counter's getting pretty crowded."  
A moment later we were all at a table, enjoying coffee and catching up on life.  
"Damn, you guys have been living it up." Jennifer smiled after taking a sip of her coffee. "Too bad Lyndsey's not here. How's she anyway?"  
"Working with kids." I answered finishing up on my drink. "Loving it, too."  
"Especially after all of the wacky clients she had to deal with before." Jess added.  
"I imagine." Jennifer sighed. "I had to deal with a couple of shitty politicians in the beginning, as well. Thank god, I can pick who I work for now. Being a campaign manager is really my thing, at least for now."  
"Why do I feel like you're not here just for vacation?" I smiled at Jennifer slyly.  
"Got me." She chuckled. "Actually, I'm not. I got a bit off time between campaigns, that's true. But my next campaign is gonna be here. Some guy named Jeremy Vancourt."  
"Wait." Jess intercepted. "Jeremy? Didn't Richard used to go out with that guy?"  
"He did." The memory finally reached me. "Didn't last long, though, as far as I remember."  
"You heard anything from Richard?" Jennifer asked finishing up on her coffee.  
"Not much. We kinda drifted apart a couple of years ago. I heard that he got his book published. It had been received pretty well. Maybe even to be a bestseller in a year or two."  
"Cool. Then everyone is actually living it up." Jennifer concluded. "By the way, we should all get together and have dinner sometime."  
"I'm actually thinking of putting up a Thanksgiving dinner here at the "Box". Say, is Darrell still a chef at the "White Rose"?" I suggested.  
"He sure is. I'm sure he'd love to cook and get together with everyone." Jennifer answered.  
"That's a great idea!" Jess beamed.  
"Darrell sounds awesome." Jordan added. "I feel like our old "power couple" is gonna have some competition."  
"I'd like to see that." Lillian chuckled. "Lyndsey and Chad getting threatened of their "power couple" status."  
"Then it's settled." I concluded with a smile. "Thanksgiving at the "Box"."  
"I see everyone's finishing up on their drinks." Hailey remarked. "Beach time?"  
"Oh hell yeah!" I proclaimed kissing Hailey on the cheek. "Beach time!"  
"Yesssss, bb!" Jess made her "signature" move of "shaking telephone hand with stuck out tongue".  
"Whatever that is, I love it, Jess!" I remarked.  
"Thanks." Jess smiled. "Alright, everyone! Into my new car!"  
"Show off!" Lillian gave Jess one of the narrow-eyed smiles.  
"I have Hey Violet! on a flash drive." Jess smirked back at her.  
"Hey Violet!!" Jordan proclaimed. "Oh my god, I'm already there." She began heading out the door. Lillian grabbed Jordan's hand interlocking their fingers together, and the two followed Jess to her Jeep.  
"I'm gonna go score a seat near the window." Hailey said to me.  
"There are no windows!" Jess shouted from the driver's seat. "What part of "open-roof" did you miss??!!!"  
"We got it!" I shouted back with a chuckle. "Go on, babe. I'll be with you in a sec." I gave her a quick peck on the lips.  
"I'm glad you're happy." Jennifer smiled as I tinkered with the cafe's lock.  
"Thanks." I smiled. "I'm glad, too. Especially for such amazing people around me."  
"You know, I turned down a pretty solid offer in DC for this. Jeremy said he's gonna try pass some major proposals for the LGBT community. So I decided that's what I really wanted to do. Help out a guy that actually has a purpose, not just some corrupted politician, who'll pay me well."  
"I'm glad you did." I smiled patting Jennifer on the shoulder. "And I'm gonna try my best to get ya the best coffee in town."  
"Then it's a deal." Jennifer smiled back.  
"Guys!" Jess shouted. "We vamos or what?"  
"Vamos! Mucho Vamos!" I laughed. "Ever going to South America, Jess?"  
"Mucho yes!" Jess chuckled. "I am sooo getting a tattoo from that place."  
Everyone chuckled at Jess's enthusiasm, as she put on Hey Violet!'s "Brand New Moves" and hit the gas. We drove off to the smooth vibes of electric guitars.


	22. Chapter 21

Aurore's fingers have been gliding through the numerous locks secured on the metal railing of the small bridge. The bright afternoon sun reflected on her golden watch, throwing yellowish reflections on the grey stones of the pavement.  
"Do you miss Paris?" I asked her wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and placing my chin on her right shoulder.  
"I'd say I miss Saint Petersburg more. Especially at this time." She answered covering my hands with hers. "I could get lost in the Gardens of Pushkin for hours with you."  
"Me too, darling. Me too." I answered brushing my lips against the sensitive skin of her neck. "How about we go relax somewhere with some coffee?" I suggested after pulling away, grabbing her hand and lacing our fingers together.  
"I would love that." She responded with a smile.

We walked into a half empty cafe. There was a group of people near the counter, all chatty and giggly. I collected that they were friends of the baristas there since all of them were engaging in conversation collectively.  
"Good to know that Jeremy's been doing well so far." One of the baristas addressed another young woman that had been sitting in front of the counter. She had several papers scattered in front of her as well as a laptop. "But it's been only a few weeks. He'll need to stay strong. However, since he's got you, Jenn, he'll be just fine."  
"Hopefully." Jenn responded. "There's this one guy, Robert Duvet, who's a pretty conservative dude. He might be a real problem if we pull through to the longer run."  
"Wait." A long blonde-haired barista intersected. "That guys last name is literally "duvet"?? That is the most hilarious last name I have ever heard."  
"Don't be fooled by his last name, Lillian." Jenn responded. "He's a cunning little bitch."  
"Excuse me?" I interrupted their conversing. "Could I get two cappuccinos, please?"  
"Of course." The barista with short blonde hair smiled.  
"Thank you." I smiled back and headed outside where Aurore had taken a seat next to a large window.  
"Now this is more like Paris." She smiled placing her hand on mine.  
"Vintage styled outdoor furniture? Yeah, I agree. It does feel like Paris." My gaze drifted through the shallow traffic of the afternoon.  
Aurore reached into her brown leather satchel and pulled out her sketch book and pencil with an eraser on the end of it.  
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "Can you take at least a few minute break from sketching?"  
"Nope." She shook her head. "I want to remember every detail."  
"Why not just look around and take it in with your eyes?"  
"What if my memory fades? I'm not taking that risk."  
"I just want you to enjoy yourself. It's a vacation for a reason." I squeezed her left hand across the table.  
"I know." She smiled warmly. "And I am."  
"Your coffees." The short-haired barista placed the coffees on the table in front of us. "By the way, I wanted to ask, where are you guys from? You have such interesting accents."  
"Well," I began. "I'm actually Russian and my wife here is Parisian, but we had been traveling on and off between our home countries."  
"Cool." The barista smiled lightly nodding her head. "How long have you two been married?"  
"Over ten years now." Aurore answered without raising her head from her sketch book. "We met in an art gallery."  
"In the Louvre, to be more precise, honey." I smiled nostalgically.  
"Mona Lisa's gaze pointed me to you." She Looked at me from under her forehead.  
"Only because I was actually there to see the Mona Lisa." I answered taking a sip of my coffee.  
"Wow. One of my friends actually got engaged in Paris. But her fiancé proposed to her in front of the Eiffel Tower."  
"Ugh, such cliche." Aurore mumbled.  
"Tell me about it." I chuckled. "How about proposing in Saint Petersburg?"  
"That's what you did." Aurore shot me a glare.  
"Exactly. And here we are, ten years later - happily married."  
"Do you guys have kids?" The barista took a seat behind the table.  
"No. Not yet, at least. We have been thinking about it intensely lately." I answered, my gaze painted with concern.  
"We're not sure if want to adopt. At least not yet." Aurore backed me up.  
"Why you ask?" I addressed the barista. "You're not sure about having children?"  
"Kind of." The barista answered uneasily. "My girlfriend mentioned it to me a few times how she wants to have kids in the future, but I have always been unsure about it. I'm not sure I would be a good mom."  
"You could try being the best version of a human. Or rather the best version of you. I'm sure your girlfriend would agree with me."  
"I agree with you." Aurore added. "And I'm speaking from experience. The ones that you taught me. Basically, do not rush things like that. Actually, do not rush any big changes in your life. Take as much time as you need. It'll eventually play out the way that it should."  
"Thank you." The barista bowed her head a little. "Welp, I should get back to work. Even though I'm the boss and I can't get fired." She chuckled. "It's been really great talking to you."  
"You too." I smiled taking a sip of my coffee. "Aurore, babe, your coffee is gonna go cold."  
"Not for another minute it won't." She answered, her gaze glued to the sketch book.  
"What are you even sketching there? I have never seen you put that much eff-" I was interrupted by Aurore placing the finished sketch on the table.  
It was a sketch of me. Of a moment we were having right now. I was sitting behind the table, the cup of coffee beside me, with a dreamy gaze I stared off into endless - the sky, or the horizon maybe, it was impossible to tell, as the whole sketch was in great detail focused on me: my facial features, the wedding band on the ring finger of my left hand, the big bulky ring on the right hand's ring finger, the bulky silver watch on my left wrist, the silver cross necklace Aurore gave me as a gift for my 27th birthday when we lived in Paris. She even sketched the two tiny birth marks on my right cheek. The sketch was done to perfection and in so little time - it made me speechless.  
"I don't want to forget this. Us. Never. Even when my memory fades, the sketches will always be with me." She gazed into my eyes.  
"And so will I." I took her left hand in both of mine. "When we get back to Saint Petersburg, let's visit Nicole and Misha. I want to see how little Jerome is doing. Maybe it'll help us come up with a final decision about the whole adoption thing."  
"Sure." Aurore smiled warmly. "But you'll take me to the Gardens of Pushkin first."  
"Wouldn't have it any other way." I smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A crossover with another story I had been working on for the past few years. Maybe one day you'll get to witness that creation too xD


	23. Chapter 22

"I still like Harry Styles better." Jess answered Todd sipping on green tea.  
"And I still love Hippo Campus best." Todd concluded their debate.  
It was mid September and the leaves have just started to fall. "Way it goes" was lightly swaying in the background.  
"And I still listen to techno." Josh took a sip of his Mocha.  
"Thanks for the "update", Josh." Jess glared at him.  
"Well, it's not my fault that you guys don't appreciate techno." He defended himself.  
"I'm sorry I don't enjoy "music" that sounds like someone is emptying a dumpster in a gigantic warehouse." Jess rolled her eyes.  
"I think you came across bad techno, Jess." Todd intercepted.  
"And what is "good techno", Todd?" She addressed him.  
"I think Josh knows better." He smiled at Josh.  
"I personally would recommend Brennen Grey." Josh answered.  
"Is that what you put on last time when Danny came over to play video games?" Jess addressed him with a raised eyebrow.  
"Wait." Todd smiled. "Was that when Jess shouted "what the fuck is this shit?!!" because you basically blasted it?"  
"Danny liked it, though." Josh answered.  
"Did he, really?" Jess stared at him sarcastically.  
"Well he didn't protest, either." Josh proclaimed.  
"Exactly." Todd chuckled. "He didn't say anything."  
"Screw you, guys." Josh moped. "By the way, Todd, when are you gonna come out finally?"  
"What?" Todd got caught off guard.  
"What the fuck, Josh?!!!" Jess snapped.  
"What?" Josh responded casually. "Don't tell me you're not gay."  
"Jordan! Did you hear that?!" Jess addressed Jordan, who was behind the counter, staring off into nothing.  
"Monsoon" slowed things down.  
"Huh? Wha?" Jordan snapped back to reality.  
"You okay there, Jordan?" Jess addressed her with a worry across her face.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little...tired, I guess." Jordan sighed. "What happened, again?"  
"Josh is being a dick." Jess ran her hand through her hair.  
"How so?" Jordan leaned on the counter with her elbows.  
"He almost outed Todd." Jess punched Josh on the arm.  
"Ouch! That actually hurt, Jess!" He shouted.  
"Serves you right for being a dick." She glared at him.  
"Hey guys!" Kelly greeted everyone walking in for her shift.  
The record switched the song to "vacation".  
"Hey Kelly!" Jess smiled.  
"Hey Kel" Todd saluted.  
"H-h-hi..." Josh stuttered.  
"You okay there, Josh." Kelly smiled.  
"He's fine." Jess responded elbowing Josh's ribs. "Just Josh being Josh."  
"Hey Kelly. You ready for all of those orders of pumpkin spice latte?" Jordan smiled.  
"I'm always ready!" Kelly smiled widely and went to the back to change.  
"Would you just tell her already!" Jess addressed Josh. "It's been months by now!"  
"What?! No way!" Josh protested. "I wouldn't even know how to attract her attention."  
"Well, I don't know, uhm, try being a dick, maybe? That seems to work pretty well for you!" Jess snapped at him.  
"And I'm asexual, by the way." Todd blurted out randomly.  
"Really?" Jordan was the only one to react to that, since the other two were too busy assigning Josh onto Jess's "Universal Scale of Dick and Douchebaggery"©™.  
"Apparently." Todd finished his almond latte. "I prefer calling it "married to my work and music". That is, at least at the moment, what's most important to me."  
A quick pause ran between the two.  
"You're having doubts about Lillian, aren't you?" He asked.  
"How'd you know?" She raised her eyebrows in surprise.  
"I've been there, Jordan." He smiled warmly. "Follow your heart."  
"But also talk to her." Jess intercepted. "Remember: communication is key."  
"Okay." Jordan sighed anxiously. "Thanks guys."  
"Don't mention it." Josh winked playfully.  
"I will fucking throw you out the door." Jess punched him in the ribs again. Josh only let out a little squeal.  
"You ready to get off, Jordan?" Kelly asked warmly. "Danny said he's gonna be here in two minutes."  
"Make sure he actually gets here. Otherwise, I'm gonna hunt him down myself." Jordan smiled.  
"Gotcha." Kelly chuckled.  
Soon enough, Jordan was out the door, earbuds blasting Hippo Campus's "landmark" album.

She sat on the old picnic table, staring at the busy scenery of the city, "poems" providing the perfect soundtrack. Greenwood Hill had been fairly abandoned by people at this time of year. It was usually pretty windy in the Fall, and picnicking did not seem that appealing anymore as it used to be in the summer when there were families, couples and various groups of friends scattered all over the hill. Now it was just all covered in multicolored leaves instead of heads, hats, chatter and laughter.  
Jordan was lost in her head. And Lillian was the main reason that kept her mind restless. That and the endless debate that the blond initiated in the brunette's head.  
"Well hello there." A familiar voice reached her unoccupied ear.  
"What?! What are you doing here?!!" Jordan turned sharply only to face Alex standing right behind her and smiling warmly. It was rather pleasant - the smile, especially on quite the chilly day as it was.  
"Visiting my fave spot." Alex took a seat next to Jordan. "Never thought I'd see you here one day, though."  
"Well... I just had a lot on my mind." Jordan removed a yellowish red leaf from her hair that had just fallen on her head. "Where did you leave Hailey?"  
"I knew you'd find your way here eventually." Alex stared off into the busyness beneath them.  
"Are you just gonna ignore my question completely?" The brunette addressed the blond.  
"Would you like me to?" Alex smiled at Jordan.  
"I would like to stop talking in questions." Jordan smiled back.  
"Yet, that's what you've been doing in your head for the past... I don't know... Couple of months, right?" Alex narrowed her eyes as the smile left her."  
Jordan didn't give an answer. She just stared of into the busyness beneath them, where her problems meant nothing, where they were so small comapred with the rest that they basically got squished by the mundane.  
"There was time when my problems meant the world to me, too." Alex's gaze followed a small leaf that slowly waltzed down to the bottom of the hill. "I lived in a huge city, I did a job I didn't like, I'd spend my evenings in bars and my nights with random girls. And temporarily it would numb the pain. It would numb the memories of both Lillian and Amber."  
"You never really told me about Amber." Jordan intercepted.  
"Someday I will." Alex sighed. "When my heart will mend."  
"What if that doesn't happen?"  
"Then you'll never find out what happened." Alex smiled sadly. "Everyday felt like war. And, to some extent, it was. I was fighting a war with myself. The world didn't know. Hell, my work didn't even know. They didn't give a shit about me, only about me doing my job and meeting the deadlines. In New York I was small and so were my problems and my struggles. The world didn't care. But one person did. And she pulled me out of that craphole." Alex paused for a moment. "Talk to her, Jordan. Before anything else, she is your friend, after all."  
Jordan took a moment, as if drawing out a plan in her head. Slowly she lifted her head and met Alex's eyes.  
"Okay. I will." She said with a nod. "I'll get back home and I'll talk to her today."  
"Good." Alex smiled. "I'll tell you about Amber one day, I promise. I'll tell you soon. And maybe about Reagan, too."

Jordan approached her apartment door. Nervously she fidgeted with the keys in her hands while the chorus of "buttercup" jammed from her earbuds. Two twists of the key to the left and the door was open before her. Jordan took a deep breath and slowly entered the apartment. She found herself in the corridor, taking off her shoes and pulling her earbuds out of her ears. After hanging her coat she headed for the bedroom. Just as she had expected, she found Lillian sprawled out on the bed tinkering with her phone. Jordan took one last deep breath.  
"Lillian, we need to talk."


	24. Chapter 23

I met Amber on a typical Tuesday shift at the Vans store. She walked in on Britney's "Hit Me Baby One More Time", which kinda threw her off at first. She could have walked in on Halsey's "Roman Holiday" just a few moments ago, but Victor, the manager, had a really messed up playlist. He was also the type of guy nobody really wanted to deal with. He was not very good with change, as I had noticed.  
Amber circled casually around the store, and, as she was nearing the end of her third one, I asked if she wanted any help. She smiled warmly and said she was looking for some everyday shoes. So I parkour'ed over the counter and helped her pick out a pair of the classic black sneakers, thankfully, with Charlie Puth's "Slow it Down" setting the chilled mood. Soon enough she was out the door with her brand new kicks, and I was back to spinning on the old, worn office chair, while Jessica Simpson sang about that one "Irresistible" guy.

***

That Friday I went to one of those little beach bars to celebrate my first paycheck. I was enjoying the sunset with a beer in hand, when the bartenders switched shifts. I finished up on my beer and was gonna ask for another one when the new bartender turned to face me.  
"Hi!" There was surprise both in Amber's eyes and her voice. "Small world, huh?"  
"Sure is!" I smiled. "Enjoying the shoes?"  
"I am." She smiled back. "In fact, I'm wearing them right now. They're very comfortable, so thank you."  
"My pleasure." I lightly nodded. "Could I please get a refill."  
"Sure." She answered grabbing the empty beer bottle and placing a new one fresh out of the fridge. "Drinking alone on a Friday night?"  
"Well, I don't really have any friends around here." I answered taking a sip.  
"Now that's just sad." She made an apologetic grin. "Not having friends in Santa Monica."  
"Apart from work, I haven't really got the time to make any." I responded taking another sip of the beer. "And my co-workers aren't the best bunch to hang out with."  
"You know what?" She smiled as if she came up with the best idea in the world. "I'll be your friend. Actually, me and my friends are having a barbecue on Sunday afternoon. You should come?"  
"Okay. I will." I returned the smile.  
We continued to make small talk that night for a couple more hours.

***

On Sunday afternoon we met up at Amber's. Kate and Ashley were on barbecue duty, therefore they spent most of their time near the grill.  
"So, how long have you two been together?" I asked.  
"A year and a half." Kate answered.  
"Yeah, but we moved in together only like two months ago." Ashley added. "By the way, how do you know Amber?"  
"I helped her pick out sneakers." I began. "I work at the Vans store. But we ended up really talking only on Friday since I went to chill at the beach bar where she worked apparently."  
"Cool." Kate responded. "Damn, where's Sam?"  
"She said she's gonna be a little late." Ashley answered tinkering with the grill.  
"That was an hour ago." Kate answered annoyed. "And she's responsible for half the drinks."  
"She'll get here. Relax, babe." Ashley gave her girlfriend a peck on the cheek. "Now, are you gonna help me out with these burgers or what?"  
"I'm here!" Sam, as I had figured, entered the scene. "Where's Amber?"  
"In the kitchen!" Ashley yelled back to Sam.  
"About time." Kate murmured to herself.  
"Babe!" Ashley lightly elbowed the brunette in the ribs.  
"Fine! I'll stop. I'm just saying, it's like this every single time." Kate sighed.  
"Hey! How's the grill going?" Amber addressed the two.  
"Almost ready to go." Ashley gave an update.  
"Awesome!" The tanned blond smiled. "Me and Sam got the drinks in the fridge. Alex, you wanna help me set up the table?"  
"Sure." I smiled and followed her into the kitchen.  
"This reminds me when my friend Dave used to get our old gang together in his beach house for barbecues." I said grabbing a few plates.  
"Oh, now I feel pressure." Amber smirked. "By the way, Alex, this is Sam. Sam this is Alex." She pointed to the short brunette with short hair sipping on a can of beer.  
"Nice to meet you." Sam extended her hand.  
"Pleasure." I shook her hand.  
"Sam, leave some drinks for us." Amber glared sarcastically at Sam.  
"Really, Amber. Look at me. Not possible." Sam shot the blond a look from under her forehead taking a big sip of the beer. "I think I'm gonna go chill by the pool. Wanna join me?" She shot Amber a smirk.  
"Maybe later. But since you're heading that way, can you take the condiments to the picnic table outside?" Amber asked.  
"Okay." Sam grabbed them with her free arm.  
"You're gonna have to tell me all about the barbecues with your friends." Amber proclaimed heading out of the kitchen.  
"Sure. I'll give ya some pointers." I smiled.  
"Cool." She smiled back. "In the mean time we could really use some music."  
"That's my speciality." I mentioned. "Direct me to your sound system."  
"Glenn usually has the Bluetooth speaker- and speaking of Glenn." She paused and gave the brown-haired guy a big hug. "Hey, Glenn! How are you?"  
"Good. How are you?" He smiled.  
"Great. This is Alex, by the way."  
"Pleasure to meet you, Alex." He outstretched his hand.  
"Likewise." I shook his hand. "Amber mentioned you're the sound man here."  
"Let me guess, you're gonna help me DJ, right?" He smiled warmly. "Finally, Amber, thank you. I was growing tired of always being the one playing the music."  
He, then, turned to me. "We're gonna be by the pool over there. Let's go set up."  
I followed him.  
"Is Craig and Lauren coming?" Amber shouted to Glenn.  
"They're bringing the mini fridge, as always. Oh, and Lauren said she'll bring desserts." He responded.  
"Awesome!" I heard her respond back.  
"Hey, Sam!" Glenn greeted the short-haired brunette.  
"Hey Glenn!" She returned the gesture. "Where did you drop Connor?"  
"Busy with work. Said he got called to an emergency shift." Glenn answered taking out the Bluetooth speaker out of his bag.  
"At least it would have been more fun with him. Craig and Lauren are just gonna act all bougie again." Sam said disappointedly.  
"Maybe not, we'll see." He responded without lifting his head. "Okay." He turned to me. "It's all yours. Let's see what you've got."  
"Are you feeling Hailey Kiyoko?" I asked.  
"I'm feeling one of Amber's fave artists." He smiled. "Go for it."  
We ended up playing all of the "Expectations" album. "Wanna Be Missed" was blasting while we chilled at the pool.

"Man, those burgers were so good." Craig proclaimed. "You're like a master chef now, Ash."  
"Thanks, Craig." Ashley responded.  
"Cannonball!" Sam jumped in the pool shouting.  
"Ah, Sam being Sam." Glenn smiled.  
"Will Sam ever change?" Lauren threw out a rhetorical question.  
"Nope." Amber and Glenn answered at the same time.  
"Enjoying yourself?" Amber turned to me while she went on to apply sunscreen on herself.  
"Sure am!" I smiled. "You're friends are a great bunch."  
"We try." The tanned blond responded with a light nod.  
"I'm gonna go grab more drinks from the fridge." I said and headed for the kitchen.  
As I was walking away from the pool, I felt Amber's gaze glued on me. I also heard a light whistle from Glenn and chuckling from Craig and Lauren. When I came back with more drinks, the mini fridge was back in business. We continued chilling for a couple more hours.  
Mid way Amber remembered that she put away Lauren's tiramisu in the fridge and went to grab it. She got followed by Sam into the kitchen. "One Bad Night" was swaying in the background.  
"This ain't gonna go well." Glenn sighed.  
"Glenn!" Ashley glared at him.  
"Oh come on, Ash! We all know it's gonna be so." His face was serious.  
"Glenn's right." Craig intercepted. "It's Sam, after all."  
Kate didn't say anything, just sighed.  
"Hey, Alex!" Lauren addressed me. "Don't pay too much attention to us. We tend to overreact." She smiled warmly.  
"It's not us who's doing the overreaction." Kate murmured to herself, which, again, got her another round of Ashley's elbow to the ribs.  
"Has Sam always been jealous of Amber?" I asked.  
Everyone just looked at me. Finally, Glenn answered me.  
"Yeah. She's just not Amber's type. You, on the other hand..." He trailed off.  
"Are just her type." Lauren took a sip of her drink. "The thing is, Alex, Sam's not bad. She's just...all over the place, all the time."  
"And Amber was always about stability." Craig added.  
"How about we let them figure it out, okay, guys?" Ashley intercepted. "We're becoming quite the gossip corner here."  
"Sorry." Craig and Lauren apologized.  
"I'm gonna go use the bathroom." I said.  
"I'm gonna join you." Glenn followed me.  
The bathroom was on the other side of the house. So we avoided getting into the drama. But we heard enough to know it was not good.  
From what I heard I could tell Sam was hella pissed at Amber.  
"Well, you're throwing googly eyes at her, how am I supposed to react?!" Sam shouted.  
"Sam. Sam! SAM!" Amber shouted over her.  
"What?! What Amber?!! Don't tell me to stop-"  
"I'm gonna need you to stop. I've told you a million times by now it's never gonna happen. Could you please just let it go?" Amber pleaded maintaining a serious tone.  
"What if I don't wanna let go?" Sam shot back.  
"Oh my god!" Amber sighed. "You know what? I'm done! We're done here!" She responded as she proceeded to head back to the pool, leaving Sam fuming in the kitchen.  
"This is probably the worst one they had so far." Glenn concluded. "And they're not even together."  
He paused for second.  
"Guess you're gonna be what settles this." He turned to me with concern in his eyes.


End file.
